No, I'm Not A Guitarist, But I Play One On T.V.

Okay, so the big ball in Times square just dropped, but I'll comment on that later. Now, I'm gonna talk about my new guitar. Actually, I don't own a guitar. I can't play, either. But I do have a guitar case. It was lying in the middle of the street, so I opened up the car door and took it. I tried to hit some inbreds(yes, that includes the notorious incestuous neighbor kids) with it on the way home, but it isn't as good a weapon as a cello case. Damn. But anyways, now I'm gonna go up to hicktown(Where I attend the prestigious... Actually, it isn't prestigious at all. I hate that school.) and play air guitar with my guitar case out. I'll put a little cash/change in there so they'll know what to do, and I'll earn money for that day's lunch for me and my brother. It'll be great. I'll play Guns n' Roses, and maybe some country to satisfy those damned rednecks. Shit, man, I'm gonna be rich.


Oh, by the way, Christian Rock Hard is the best episode of South Park ever.

"Are You Sayin' I Go Out With My Sister?"

So I was walking up stairs from the basement(we were watching Napoleon Dynamite, whadda ya think? GOSH!), when my sisters and their entourage of FemiNazis came up to me saying that some punk wanted to talk to me. Actually, they said "Quad wants to talk to you." What the HELL kind of name is Quad? Who the FUCK names their kid Quad? Inbred rednecks, that's who, but that'll come into play later. Anyways, I went up stairs to get my ducktape flipflops, because they're that awesome, but they were nowhere to be found. So I went outside and talked to Quad. He said to me, "Are you sayin' I go out with my sister?" Now pause for a second, while I flash back to yesterday. My brother, his girlfriend, my sisters the FemiNazis and I were playing Freddy, which is like hide and seek, but backwards. So while I was on base with the middle, fat FemiNazis, and this kid Quad and his sister walked outside. He was showing off to his sister, when I leaned over to the FemiNazi and said, "My brother said they're going out. They walk to the bus stop holding hands. And stuff." Of course, her mouth is about as fat as her ass, and she told him. Well SHIT. So anyways, he asked me if I said he was dating his sister. I looked around and realized I was out numbered(three skater kids is still more than one fat ass if the fat ass is a nerd) and completely denied it. "Well then who said it?"
-"I dunno."
(other kid)"Maybe it was his brother."
-"Go hit puberty and no. It wasn't him(Aren't I a great brother?)"
Then my sister showed off to her friends a little as usual and I went inside. The end. Well, uh, I might add that Quad lives next door, meaning that not only could he easily torch our house, he also is our white trash neighbor. So that about sums it up. Keep in mind that this annectidote was mildly embellished. But it was embellished for awesomeness.

Art Museum Fun Time

Actually, it was more of an "Art Museum Shitty Time". We went for my dad's birthday, and will likely never return to that shit hole. Wait in line for an hour or so, Go inside, wait some more, then pack into an elevator and proceed forward to the "Van Gogh" exhibit. Oooh, interesting. Oh, wait, I don't care. So I go in, expecting to see some paintings by some nut job who cut off his ear and mailed it to a lady friend, but what do I get? Paintings by every other crazy French/Dutch/whatever impressionist. No van Gogh. And plenty of shitty paintings. Of course, I lightened up the depressed artist mood by giving tours. Like the little audio tour thing they were handing out, I declared every picture my favorite and discussed how x represents capitalism/war/anything America is involved in and y represents peace/hippies/whatever contrasts America. Man, there were some shitty paintings there. Except there was this one, and it was, no joke, robots playing poker. Kick ass. According to the audio tour guide, it represented oppresion during World War One. I thought if represented four robots playing poker, but whatever. And there were all these arteests(that's the French/fancy/snobby way of pronouncing it) walking around, and I was all, "Lady, shave your 'legs/upper lip/what the FUCK is that?'!" Oh, yeah, the gift shop was full of over-priced crap. The "go van gogh" shirt was like 25 bucks. I was all, "Shit no." And the "robots playing poker" poster was 25 big ones too, so I again said "Shit no." My brother, grandfather and I all agreed that we'd hadenough culture for a day and the museum sucked. Considering that the three of us pretty heavily contrast, it's safe to assume that we were right.

Taking regifting to the next level

Like the title says, this holiday season, someone in my family took regifting to the next level. My youngest sister gave me stuff STOLEN BY HER FROM MY ROOM. I was just like.... damn. Really, if you can't afford to buy stuff, just do what you do for everyone else and make them a card. It's funny that the one person who always guilt trips people about not getting each other gifts is the one person who totally screws other people over. Don't say "It's the thought that counts" because there was really no thought put into it whatsoever.

And next time(to the other sister), tell me when you decide to give me a crappy gift so I don't buy you a real one. C'mon, kids, I was buying real gifts when I was five. You're 10 and 11. 10 and 11 are both bigger than five.

My DVD collection could beat up your DVD collection

DVD collection update
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.

I decided to list them because I suck at photography.
Dr. No
From Russia With Love
Goldfinger
Thunderball
You Only Live Twice
On Her Majesty's Secret Service
Diamons are Forever
Live And Let Dire
The Man With The Golden Gun
Close Encounters Of The Third Kind
A New Hope
The Spy Who Loved Me
Halloween
Dawn Of The Dead
Moonraker
The Empire Strikes Back
For Your Eyes Only
Stripes
Octopussy
Return Of The Jedi
A Nightmare On Elm Street
The Terminator
A View To A Kill
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
The Living Daylights
The Lost Boys
Spaceballs
Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure
Licence To Kill
UHF
Patriot Games
Goldeneye
Tommy Boy
are you honestly still reading?
The Lost World
Tomorrow Never Dies
The Faculty
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
The Matrix(disc still nowhere to be found)
Office Space
The Sixth Sense
The World Is Not Enough
Titan A.E.
X-Men 1.5
Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back
Joy Ride
Jurassic Park III
28 Days Later
Attack Of The Clones
Austin Powers: Goldmember
The Bourne Identity
Die Another Day
Ice Age
Minority Report
Panic Room
Resident Evil
Spider-Man
Bruce Almighty
Chapelle's Show Season 1
Freddy Vs. Jason
The Italian Job
Kill Bill Vol. 1
The Last Samurai
Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King
Hellboy
Hidalgo
I, Robot
Pirates Of The Carribean
Scary Movie 3
T3: Rise Of The Machines
X2: X-Mem United
The Butterfly Effect
Dawn Of The Dead('04)
The Day After Tomorrow
Eurotrip
The Girl Next Door
Kill Bill Vol. 2
The Ladykillers
Miracle
The Punisher
Saved!
Spider-Man 2

Ones I hope to get:
Clerks.
Mortal Kombat
Bourne Supremacy
Resident Evil 2
Sixteen Candles
Shaun of the Dead
The Breakfast Club


...I have no life whatsoever.



Oh, yeah, I've still got that Star Wars bonus disc, I just took it out because without it there are 81, and everyone knows 81 could kick 82's ass anyday.

I've decided to be lame and do a quiz

-----------------THE FUTURE------------------
-- Age you hope to be married: 22-24, I guess
-- Numbers and Names of Children: NONE
-- How do you want to die?: Vivisection, preferably by laser
-- What do you want to be when you grow up?: Awesome
-- What country would you most like to visit?: The Netherlands
10 Shows You've Been Watching Lately
10. South Park
9. Degrassi
8. The Daily Show
7. Headline News (boredom taking its toll)
6. Um... Drawn Together?
5. Trading Spouses
4. The Biggest Loser
3. I Love the 80's
2. I Love the 70's
1. The Simpsons
9 Things You're Looking Forward To
9. Doing nothing
8. Getting a '73 AMC Gremlin
7. Summer
6. Spring Break
5. Just about everyweekend
4. Death to infidels
3. Leaving the shithole known as the South
2. ...
1. Finishing this damned quiz
8 Things You Like To Wear
8. Foakley's
7. Fake Von Dutch hat
6. Old Navy(I'm waaaaay cool) cargo pants
5. Duct tape flip-flops
4. sure as hell not collared shirts
3. boxers?
2. the ladies (know what would look good on you? ME)
1. sarcastic t-shirts
7 People That Annoy You
7. rednecks
6. hippies
5. far-right wing Republicans
4. far left-wing Democrats
3. jocks that feel the need to (not literally) piss all over us non-jocks
2. unintelligent people
1. do I even need to type this one? Look a few posts down
6 Things You Touch Everyday
6. computer mouse & keyboard
5. fake Von Dutch hat
4. toothbrush (believe it or not)
3. "fresh" clothes
2. I was gonna say something here, but I deleted it because it sounded like I was trying to be cool
1. You know what? I just go ahead and say it: myself. There. I said it. Are you happy now? You people and your demands.
5 Things You Do Everyday:
5. Take a shower
4. Brush my teeth (yes, yes I do)
3. Get on computer
2. Listen to music
1. Sleep
4 People You Want To Spend More Time With
4. Claire
3. I really don't like to spend time with anyone so I'll just skip the rest of these
2.
1.
3 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over
3. Dawn of the Dead(either one)
2. A Nightmare On Elm Street
1. Eurotrip
2 Of Your Favorite Songs At The Moment
2. Ride (the Vines)
1. I Love You Cause I Have To (Dogs Die in Hot Cars)
1 Person You Would Spend The Rest Of Your Life With
1. I should have known this would be one of those quizes about the love 'of your life' that you'll likely end up dumping in the coming month. You know what? I'd like to spemd the rest of my life by myself, just thinking. About ANYTHING.

Tom Hanks Is Going To Hell

Alternate title: Robert Zemeckis could film himslef shitting on a table and it would still gross at least 5 mil. at the box office.

It's official: Tom Hanks has officially ruined Christmas. Moreover, he ruined my favorite childhood Holiday story. What Festivus-themed holiday book would that be? The Polar Express.


Here is my list of things NOT in the book, but in the movie:
1. Little boy not believing in Santa
2. Asshole train conductor (He was gonna throw the black girl off the train? Damn)
3. Shitty song and dance sequence when hot chocolate was served
4. Obnoxiously poor poor kid
5. Obnoxiously obnoxious nerd kid
6. Deranged pedophile hobo
7. Ski stunt
8. Asshole conductor (He was such an asshole I put him on here twice)
9. Action/conflict of any sort
10.Steven Tyler (Are you fucking kidding me?)
11. Tom Hanks in half of the movie's speaking parts
12. Radioactive Santa
13. Sex hungry hobo (which goes along with #6, but he was so bad that he qualified for two)
14. Just about everything else in the movie

Well congratulations Tom Hanks, you ruined Christmas. Babies were crying because this movie was so awful. Well, it wasn't awful, but it was freaky as shit. Makes Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka seem like... something less freaky as shit, I guess. Anyways, to sum things up, do yourslef a favor and don't go see this. and if you do, don't bring your collection of small children. Unless of course they are mute and can't talk during the movie. I guess you could bring a dead toddler, but it would likely be decomposing. And a bit heavier than they were before... in the before times......



EDIT: And might I add that if this movie were a 'stranger' test, the little boy would have failed. Do you know how many strangers he talked to throughout the course of the movie? And what kind of dumbass gets on a TRAIN with a stranger, nevertheless Tom 'fucking' Hanks. Dumb piece of shit. He deserved to die at the end. He got what he had coming.

The one with all the links

Llama, llama.

Confrence bike.

I KNEW it! The earth is flat!

Aaaaah. Get it off me.

Puppets'd!

ENGLAND!

McGinley Alert!

dragonfly...

You can listen to music using your American Express?

So I was watching T.V. and this commercial came on. It had Ellen Degeneres or whatever her name is on there, and she was running around, jumping on her bed, bothering people in elevators and walking down the street and sht. Everywhere she went, music was playing, with all these different songs. I figured it would be some kind portable music playing thing, but no, the commercial was for Amex. I was like, wow, you can listen to music using your American Express? But then I thought, no a credit card couldn't hold a headphone jack. But it woulda been cool. Credit cars would become the next cell phones. They would be filled with all sorts of useless crap you never thought you'd need on a phone, but now cannot survive without. There would be cameracards, internetcards and cake cuttingcards, and you'd be like, I wonder what life was like before I could use my Amex to wipe my ass.

Great

Fuck you


So now my entire fucking family reads this. Yes, dear family, you DO piss me off to no end. Frankly, I wouldn't mind being like that guy on the Twilight Zone who wished everyone away. Glasses broke? Whoops. No one to keep me company? What a shame.


EDIT: Oh, yeah, Meredith? Robert and Madeline found your diary and read it. Whoops. Did I say that?

INVISIBLE'D!

You kids suck at covering up the fact that you were in my room.

The door was open. The computer had been turned off. Soemone had stolen my lightbulbs.



The people in my house have become increasingly worse at being covert and spy-like when breaking into my room. They could at least try to cover up their tracks. And then stealing a light bulb? I know you kids are reading this and I HATE YOU. Just kidding. But sometimes- scratch that- most of the time, you kids piss me off.

MY SIBLINGS: Proving survival of the fittest isn't true since 1988!

My Sister's blog

No, not sickie, it's the youngest one's blog. Cut her some slack, she's nine (even though when she registered, she said she was 20).

ANOTHER POST FOR GROOD LUCK.

DVD
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.

Check it out, fools. It's my DVD collection. Isn't it great? Yes, yes it is. If you said no, you were wrong. If you can't read the title of one or two or seventeen, then IM me. Actually, don't, because I'm too good for you.



EDIT: Okay, so it's a shitty picture, but what can you expect? I've got the smallest room in the house and this is the best spot for a picture like this.

a new pic "4" u lololol

awesome
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.

This is me. A real life picture I took yesterday. Yes, I am awesome, and I hope that you DO vote for me. For awesome. I'm glad they finally established an election for awesome.

EDIT: And I'm glad I won said election.

(translated "4" aol "peeps"): n im :) eye 1 sed e-tion

I've Lost All Faith In Bush

I used to always try to look at Bush with an open mind. After all, it can't be easy to run one of the biggest countries in the world. But this week, I... I heard something that no one intelligent could devise. I was watching/listening to CNN, and they said that the government now places minigolf courses as likely targets for terrorists. WHO THE FUCK GOES TO MINIGOLF COURSES? But that wasn't the issue. That wasn't what REALLY set me off. Then, they said that terrorists are now going to use lasers. These lasers would be generally aimed at airplanes. Not to blow them up, but to blind the pilots. This is ridiculous, folks. How are they gonna control them? They live in caves! And different caves every night! It would cost an assload to move a control center for a laser canon EVERY DAY. I mean FUCK.

Check out this asshole's site. Wait, on second thought, don't. Why the fuck does he get to be on T.V. and I don't? Here's to that fat blubbering piece of shit choking on his own self.

Help, Friends is on and I can't find the remote!

God, how I loathe that show. Why can't they put something good on after the Simpsons? I am officially unwell. My sister got strep at the end of last week and, instead of quarantining herself, decided to begin infecting the rest of the household. At least I don't have to go to the bastardous institution known to most as school. but then again, I'll have to go back at some point. SHIT. I may update tomorrow, depending on whether or not I do.

Worship Me

Yes, I am your superior. Accept it and bow down before me, and tremble with fear when I get pissed at you for stealing my joint. Now give me my joint back, dammit.