Monday, February 28, 2005

Blame The Black Guy

If the Oscars don't get as many viewers as usual, it CLEARY was because of Chris Rock. It's absurd to think that maybe, just possibly, people don't give a shit anymore?


he heart you


This is my Jesus action figure. He roooooooooooooolls.


A crappy picture of me
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.

I suck at photography.


EDIT: Not a goth.


Not emo either. Damn, I hate emo kids.


Robot Fight
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.

Don't look at his eyes, Scotty!


Ricer
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.

I want this car when I grow up.

Fuck.(click)

Shit. Damn. Fuck.


This really sucks ass.

Caution, Falling Angst


I'm gonna be spending this entire week alone. A week alone means deep thinking and The cure, which means getting depressed, which means gaining back the five-to-ten pounds I've lost during my recent unintentional annorexia (Sit here, or eat? Hmm, sit.). Most of the thinking will be about death, stemming from my pessimism and loss in faith of humanity(Real news taking back seat to news about Oscars and "It's raining! Right now!"). For me, it feels like people are always around when I want to be alone, and no one is to be found when I need someone to talk to. My grades have begun to tank lately, after a breif rising period, and I even managed to get two C's on our exams. Of course, I'm just being a selfish fuck, considering one of my friends and one of my peers are currently floating, lost in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico and have been for about a day. I'll be honest, one of the kids wasn't my friend. He wasn't exactly nice to me, and I wasn't nice back. I don't really know what I did to piss him off, but part of his daily routine was to call me a fat kid and push me into something. I would respond by asking him why he kept following me around, which eventually morphed into "Fuck off". We used to be really good friends, but towards the end I became his fat little punching bag. I guess things were rough for him at school and maybe home, so he took his pain out on someone else, but I don't really know for sure. If he dies, he will be the first person to die with something to hold against me. A grudge, yeah, like that really shitty movie I rented a while back. I'll end with a highly offensive/inappropriate reflection on the subject from our pal, Hunter Logan: "Did you see that movie open water?" -HL, 2/27/05

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Microsofts Guide For Parents When Invading Children's Privacy

Yes! I mean, yeszors! I mean, y3$z0rz!1!.

The Skaters On My Street...

Are seriously starting to piss me off. Whenever I'm nerding at my computer, I hear that noise of the wheels scrapping the asphault. I'm tempted to throw something at them, I just can't find something good enough to throw.




Goodbye guitar case, you will be sorely missed.

President, Catwoman win Razzies

Awards well earned.

i hate awards show

Whoa, it's Oscar night! This is EXCITING. It's like in school, when they give out all those awards to athletes. There are tons of kids eligible, yet it's the same three or four kids winning all the awards. Here it's gonna be "Inspirational Sports Movie #8153", "Biographical Movie Marketing Off Of A Man's Death #84", "Biographical Movies Made Successful Solely Because Of Big Star In Starring Role #5274 &5275" and "Movie About Wine. Yeah, Wine" for Best Picture. And get this: FOUR of those five are also up for Best Actor! If you look at the list of the nominations, most of them have at least one of those five. And Kill Bill didn't receive a SINGLE nomination. I wouldn't be complaining if Kill Bill had gotten a nomination for best movie evah!!!!, or best movie to feature Daryl Hannah having her eyes plucked out, or best movie to have a Chinese guy with a long beard indirectly teach Uma Thurman how to escape from a coffin six feet under ground. But no, those categories don't exist.
The thing that confuses me the most is the fact that so many people are going to watch it, yet the majority of these movies are movies most people have never heard of, and will likely never see. And why do people care so much about what Joan Rivahs thinks about everyone's dress? She's like, "Oh my goawd, look at that deress!!!" And I'm like, "I don't care." And so I kill her. She has the most annoying voice ever. It's like Fran Drescher's voice, but older. And then everyone's all upset about Chris Rock's comments about the show. Well what did you expect? Or was he picked by a bunch of old people hoping to appeal to a younger audience (the current one is bound to die off soon), completely oblivious to the fact that that's what Chris Rock is all about.

If you have ever participated in "Odyssey of the Mind", read no further. Seriously, or you will be offended. I know you're still going to read it, but I'll make it so you have to highlight it so you are less likely to read it.



This weekend, I was forced to go to a very dumb competition my sisters were participating in. Here's the premise: you're given a problem to solve and you must solve it in an eight minute skit with a budget of about $100 American. The kids there.. Well... Yeah. The elementary school age kids were the Pokemon-Yugioh types, except for the kids like my sisters. Obnoxious, annoying attention whores. The middle school age kids were the "proud to be weird" types and the high school kids were Goth types. I was shocked to not hear anyone preaching about conformity. Needless to say, I was the coolest kid there and bored out of my mind. TEN HOURS we spent there. TEN HOURS. TEN HOURS I spent hearing all this bullshit about creativity and whatnot. They always have this thing called the "Creativity Celebration". Basically, it's a "breakdancing" competition. I used quotes to stress the fact that none of them were bad ass enough to REALLY breakdance. I could have pwnz0rxxed them all, but I showed a lot of mercy/restraint. But anyways, these people are always preaching about creativity and how creative they are, and it really pisses me off. Talk about narcissism. If the term "elitist pricks" were in the dictionary, one would probably read the entry and think of those people. They fail to realize that if you are all the same, you are no longer creative. I used to think my sister was creative and annoying, but now she is just annoying, because yesterday I witnessed a middle school filled with people exactly like her, but a little different.

Corrupt Cop, Part Two


Corrupt Cop, Part Two
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.
Marco and Kirk were just hanging out when the corrupt-pedophile cop Officer Smith lures the innocent young boys to his basement. Two weeks later, Marco and Kirk's parents recieved envelopes in the mail containing their children's remains. The moral of the story? Do not trust corrupt cops.

Do Not Trust This Cop



Latisha and Rayshon meet a bad man
disguised as a cop while going to volunteer
at their local homeless shelter.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

UPDATE ON THE POPE

NOT DEAD YET.






The same can be said for me.


Wednesday, February 23, 2005

What? Weren't Korn's Songs Already About God?

I always thought they were singing about Jesus...




Not really.

Holy Crap

Why do homeless people need designer clothes? Why not, say, give them FOOD? Or HOUSING? Or ANYTHING else other than fake designer clothes? This is ridiculous.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

No Means No



Hey, Dean, when Paige says no, she means it.
Rape her and she will SUE your ass. And LOSE.
But First she'll write a SONG about you raping her
and call you a RAPIST in front of the FRAT HOUSE
you're trying to get into.
AND she'll crash a car into your SMOKING HOT car.
So THERE.

Picture provided by Degrassi Pictures

Monday, February 21, 2005

Jerry Springer Is A Wonderful Show

Where else can you see some skiny white guy shouting "Kool-Aid! Gimmie some Kool-Aid!" at a large black woman wearing a red shirt? Okay, that's now the second time someone has called that fat lady the Kool-Aid guy. I love this show. Almost as much as I love going to the mall. My brother and I went into Hot Topic on Saturday. It was funny because everyone there hated life. And some little girl was in there, and she was like, "Mom, I want to go now." she looked really scared to be there. And I saw some girls shoplifting- from a bookstore! All in all, I saw whores, goths and gay kids- what an eventful day.

And if anyone asks, I have been spending my four day weekend studying. I swear.


EDIT: We're up to aboot 17 on the Kool-Aid-O-Meter.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Not Maddox, But Funnier

The Second Best Page In The Universe.

Sorry guys, but Maddox is starting to suck. A post about merlot and the movie "Sideways"? What's next, a quiz about "Which Disney Attraction Are You"? This guy is much better.

No, Napoleon Dynamite Did Not Die Of An Overdose...

You kids killed him by misquoting the movie. Damn you!

Celebrity Endorsement



"This Blog is the best
Blog for your mone- I mean,
the best Blog you will ever find!"

-Matthew
Lesko, not Lesbo
(He tells me he gets it a lot)



Saturday, February 19, 2005

And Now For A Post Entirely Composed Of Question Marks(clickable)

????? ?????? ????? ?????????? ?? ???? ???? ????? ???? ?????? ??? ??? ?????? ??? ????? ??????? ????? ???????? ???? ?????????? ????????? ??? ???????? ????????? ?????????????????? ??????????????? ???????? ???????? ?????? ?????????? ??????? ?????????? ?????????????? ??????? ???????? ???????????? ???????? ????? ?????????????? ??????? ??????????? ??????? ???????? ????? ??? ????????? ??? ?? ?????? ?????????? ?????????????? ???? ???????? ????? ????????? ????? ????????? ??????? ????????? ????? ????????????? ????????? ????????? ???????? ??????? ???? ?????? ?????? ?????? ?????? ?????? ?????? ?????? ????????? ????????? ????????? ????????? ????????? ????????? ?????????? ?????????? ?????????? ?????????? ?????????? ????????? ?????????????? ???????? ?????? ?????? ???????????? ???????? ??????? ?????????? ?????????? ????????? ????????? ????????? ????? ?????? ????? ??????? ??? ????? ????? ???????? ???????????? ??????? ??????? ????????? ???????? ??????? ?????? ?????? ??????????? ??????????? ?????????? ?????? ??????????????????????? ???????????? ???????????? ???????????? ???????????? ?????????





EDIT: Okay, so you guys were a little confused by this post. The point was that it seems that every time I click the "Next Blog" button, a Blog pops up with only punctuation marks or it's in Portugese or it's a Blog about nose hair trimmer dealers in the Detroit area.

Friday, February 18, 2005

Good, I Was Worried No One Else Realized What Was Going On

N.J. to hit Blockbuster with fraud lawsuit? - Feb. 18, 2005


Unfortunately, it will be just like the last time they were sued. They'll just send out a bunch of free rentals. Only one thing left to do...

"Come on, Pookie, let's burn this motherfucker down! Come on, Pookie! Let's burn it, Pookie! Let's burn this motherfucker down! Let's burn it down! Let's burn it!"








"Animal semen."

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Wow! That's A Lot Of Moms!

CNN.com - Commentary: 'Buster' and the lesbians - Feb 15, 2005


I'm sorry, but I just love this story so much. My how little Buster has grown up. Now I'm gonna have to pretend to be GPTV and send in a request for the episode for Atlanta's PBS.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Ah, Valentine's Day And The Ensuing Angst

I swear to God I've seen at LEAST twelve blogs/xangas today with people complaining about how they DESPISE Valentine's Day. "It's a consumer holiday!" "It leaves us singles left out!" "I listen to emo and have no friends!"

SUCK IT UP, KIDS. I'm single and I'm dealing just fine. And I don't buy from those bastards at Hallmark in the first place. If I want to give someone a shitty card, I'll make it myself, or go to the nearest elementary school and ask a Kindergartener to do it for me.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

My Kind Of Woman

CNN.com - Police: Nine-months pregnant woman kills attacker - Feb 13, 2005

The best story since that guy put his lava lamp on his oven and it exploded, killing him.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Quotes Of The Week

I come to you with three good quotes. Seeing as I updated, like, three times during the week, that's all you little bitches deserve. Anyways, here you go:

"If Jesus had a son and named him 'Jesus Junior', they could call him 'JJ'."-Grover
It is worth noting that the aforementioned person attends my school on a scholarship. An academic scholarship.

"I can't wait 'til we're seniors."-Shea
That wasn't the funny part. This was:
"I can't wait 'til you die MOTHER FUCKER."-Clint
What made that quote soooo funny (Haha, inside joke none of you bastards will get) was that he said without any emotion what so ever. That's because he was probably serious. No one likes Shea, and with good reason. I bet he doesn't know who his real father is. Bastard.

"You know how when you're little, and your parents tell you you can be anything you want to when you grow up-" -Mr. Schmidt
Again with the multi-part quotes. This unfunny quote was said by my history teacher while trying to explain apprentices to our class. The funny part was this:
"Except a refridgerator."-Hunter (he is almost as awesome as me)
"I'm tired of your inane comments. Silence."- the teacher
So you can get a feel of just how awesome Hunter is, here is another quote:

"And after you are an apprentice, you become a-" -teacher(This guy is hilarious!)
"Padawan!"-Hunter
In case you are the worst nerd ever, or not a nerd at all, or an English nerd (Yes, I mean YOU, M. Cox.), a padawan is a term for Star Wars. I guess it comes after "apprentice". I mean, I've heard of it, but I don't really know what it means. I SUCK at being a nerd.

So there you go you ungrateful bastards.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Cue "Battle Without Honor Or Humanity"

Yes, kids, it's the un-official Czech-language Kill Bill video game. To enhance the playing experience, purchase/download the Kill Bill Vol. 1 soundtrack. Enjoy.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

A Few Questions

CNN.com - Teacher charged with having sex with student, 13 - Feb 9, 2005

Okay, the article says "one of her students", but that's an elementary school, and the student was 13. I guess that's Tennessee for you. But still, shouldn't he be, say, in middle school?
Second, why did the kid speak up? I mean, most boys his age wouldn't mind having sex. But this whiny little kid was like, "Oh, man, we was havin' the sex and it was gre- I mean, terrible. Pay attention to me, please."



"Boo hoo, she ra-"
"Shut up little boy, a guy can't be raped by a girl."



"Bu-"
"No."

I'd also like to complain about that damned Sylvan commercial. First, this little dumbass prep slides his skateboard with his report card on top to his mom. His mom is SO surprised that Junior managed to get a D. Obviously stupidity is hereditary. Did she never wonder where Junior was going every Saturday afternoon? Did she not wonder about the charges she'd been receiving from SYLVAN? But I couldn't help but wonder why this kid who OBVIOUSLY wasn't punk/a skater had a skateboard. The kid will probably be coming to his parents in a few years asking for advice not related to school, but related to bufu-ing. I mean, what kind of kid wears a collared shirt outside of school with the top button buttoned?
definitely bufu.

Monday, February 07, 2005

4-year-old drives mom's car to video store

This little boy is my hero. (You can click on that^)


I wonder what movie he rented. Maybe he was returning a movie so Blockbuster's "no-late-fee" plan wouldn't leave him out twenty bucks and a movie he didn't want in the first place (the Grudge).

Sunday, February 06, 2005

You Have A Copy Of Green Day's American Idiot Album?



Wait there for a second while I go get my gun.

The boy on the left is frowning because no one likes him and he owns a copy of American Idiot. The MAN(though he is only 14) on the right is smiling because the ladies love him because he owns a copy of The Cure's greatest hits. Who's the idiot now?




If you are a fan of Green Day and were offended, I am sorry. I do not care.

Friday, February 04, 2005

The Only Thing Funnier Than A Blockbuster Employee Worried I'm Going To Steal Something...

Is one who fails to hide it. Seriously, the guy followed me around for twenty minutes asking me if I needed help finding anything. The first time I was polite. "Can I help you find anything?"
"No, I'm good.(The next guy he asked said the EXACT same thing)"


A few minutes later(I'm now holding two movies to rent and I'm looking around in the used DVD section): "Need any help finding anything?"
"No, but thanks anyways."


"Can I hel-"
"NO, YOU CANNOT HELP ME, DAMMIT. GO AWAY."
Well, I didn't really say that, but I should have. Then I would walk up to him a few minutes later and say, "Um, can you help me find..."

Please note: The Grudge was awful. It was not worth being stalked by Blockbuster Man by any stretch of imagination. I'm only going ot see it 3 more times.

Today.


Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Girl, You Haven't Seen ANYTHING Yet

One of my sister's friends' away messages on AIM:

"HW it sux i hate homework it is the worst thing that has ever happened to me it is soooooo stupid there is no purposde of it since we do enough work at skool ok now about skool that is the second worst thing that has happened to me. all u do is sit and read books the reason y it is better then HW is because of the skools recess and recees is sooooo fun i love it and that is y i am not here cause i am doin HW the worst thing that has ever happeed to me"

I agree complet- wait, you're only in 5th grade? SOMEONE's going to have a lot of fun in high school. Middle school. The coming weeks. Ha. 5th grade=20 minutes of homework. 9th grade=20 minutes of "hw" per subject. MINIMUM. Hah. The future generation of Dairy Queen employees and welfare check recipients is already in the works.