Saturday, April 30, 2005
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Please Pay Your Bills
...So I never have to see that commercial with the redhead bitch talking about mortgages or loans or some shit like that. Honestly, how hard is it to pay your bills? God forbid a redneck forgo beer for a month so they don't get evicted, live off of welfare, live on the street, not feed their family and make me watch that damn commercial again. I can't remember the company though, so I think it's safe to say it wasn't worth their time and money.
There was something else I was going to piss and moan about but I forgot it. Sue me, prick.
There was something else I was going to piss and moan about but I forgot it. Sue me, prick.
Saturday, April 23, 2005
Friday, April 22, 2005
Algunos Mas Quotas (Some More Quotes)
SOME OF THESE QUOTES WERE EDITED FOR AWESOME-NESS/I FORGOT PARTS OF THEM:
"All Muslims hate Christians." -Drew Fuller, you ignorant naw-nee-naw, you!
"THAT'S THE DUMBEST THING I'LL HEAR ALL DAY!" -Hunter Logan, my hero. You probably should have leapt across the room to kill him but, alas, too late.
(This one was a while ago)
"I'm tired of the liberal influence at this school!" -Annie. You silly lesbian, the liberal influence was fired last year for supporting the gay bishop.
"Go away Nash, unlike you, people at this [lunch] table actually like me!" -Shea the Oblivious. Alos worth noting is that he is the true Neanderthal.
"We should make a sign that says 'I'mNUTS
"All of the bus drivers at our school are pedophiles." -Me. It's true. (shudder)
"There're only three lesbians I don't like: Alanis Morrisette, Rosie O'Donnell and Annie Williams."- Me
"I've never heard of Annie Williams. What does she do?" -M. Cox.
"She always sits at our lunch table." -Me.
I found a dead body in the woods behind my house today. Not really, but wouldn't that have been cool if I did?
"All Muslims hate Christians." -Drew Fuller, you ignorant naw-nee-naw, you!
"THAT'S THE DUMBEST THING I'LL HEAR ALL DAY!" -Hunter Logan, my hero. You probably should have leapt across the room to kill him but, alas, too late.
(This one was a while ago)
"I'm tired of the liberal influence at this school!" -Annie. You silly lesbian, the liberal influence was fired last year for supporting the gay bishop.
"Go away Nash, unlike you, people at this [lunch] table actually like me!" -Shea the Oblivious. Alos worth noting is that he is the true Neanderthal.
"We should make a sign that says 'I'm
"All of the bus drivers at our school are pedophiles." -Me. It's true. (shudder)
"There're only three lesbians I don't like: Alanis Morrisette, Rosie O'Donnell and Annie Williams."- Me
"I've never heard of Annie Williams. What does she do?" -M. Cox.
"She always sits at our lunch table." -Me.
I found a dead body in the woods behind my house today. Not really, but wouldn't that have been cool if I did?
CNN.com - Players can get 'high' in 'Narc' video game - Apr 22, 2005
I could never figure out how to bang hos in Grand Theft Auto, so I think it's safe to assume I'll never figure out to go on an acid trip in this game.
CNN.com - Police: Woman arrested in finger hoax - Apr 22, 2005
She may have not found a finger in her chili, but I did.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
iHate...
Mr. Titus!
He gave me a shitty and undeserved grade for homework (I need all the help I can get in Biology) because he claims I did my homework on Postage Stamps. But I did it on notebook paper. Lined, hole-punched notebook paper. That bastard.
And congrats to you Krazy Kath-O-Lics on the new Pope, even if I think he could have a better name.
He gave me a shitty and undeserved grade for homework (I need all the help I can get in Biology) because he claims I did my homework on Postage Stamps. But I did it on notebook paper. Lined, hole-punched notebook paper. That bastard.
And congrats to you Krazy Kath-O-Lics on the new Pope, even if I think he could have a better name.
Monday, April 18, 2005
So I'm watching that show with the British nannies. Their accents are hysterical. She said beh-beh instead of baby, and I laughed for about an hour. What also cracks me up is how the dad is always a complete ass and a borderline child beater.
Commercials bother me. They are no longer funny. And some of them are misinformative. Like the one that says that if you do not drink Gatorade, you will crumble up into a bunch of rocks. I don't drink Gatorade and all that's happened to me is that I am a fat ass. The AOL commercial, however, is less of a lie. They just have it backwards. In case you are lucky enough to not have seen it, I'll summarize it: two guys are at lunch getting sandwiches. One is explaining AOL to the other. He puts a top on top of his sandwich and pours shit all over the other guy's sandwich. He says that the sandwich covered in Jerr-O and sauce is a computer without AOL and that the covered one is like a computer with AOL and that the stuff he poured on it is viruses and spam. This is backwards. The covered sandwich is like a computer who belongs to a guy who deleted AOL from his computer when he got it. The other sandwich is a guy who thought AOL sounded like a good deal, but now his computer is shit thanks to the worst and oldest virus EVER: A-O-mutherfudgin'-L. Get rid of it NOW you bastahds.
Commercials bother me. They are no longer funny. And some of them are misinformative. Like the one that says that if you do not drink Gatorade, you will crumble up into a bunch of rocks. I don't drink Gatorade and all that's happened to me is that I am a fat ass. The AOL commercial, however, is less of a lie. They just have it backwards. In case you are lucky enough to not have seen it, I'll summarize it: two guys are at lunch getting sandwiches. One is explaining AOL to the other. He puts a top on top of his sandwich and pours shit all over the other guy's sandwich. He says that the sandwich covered in Jerr-O and sauce is a computer without AOL and that the covered one is like a computer with AOL and that the stuff he poured on it is viruses and spam. This is backwards. The covered sandwich is like a computer who belongs to a guy who deleted AOL from his computer when he got it. The other sandwich is a guy who thought AOL sounded like a good deal, but now his computer is shit thanks to the worst and oldest virus EVER: A-O-mutherfudgin'-L. Get rid of it NOW you bastahds.
Hooray!
CNN.com - South Asia peace 'irreversible' - Apr 18, 2005
Now WW3 is not as likely as it was last week. Celebrate, you bitches.
Now WW3 is not as likely as it was last week. Celebrate, you bitches.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Day Of WHO GIVES A RAT'S ASS
I don't get what the big deal with gay people is. I don't care whether or not someone likes chicks or guys or both or neither. I really couldn't care less. And I don't think anyone else should either. I also think gay people shouldn't run around flaunting the fact that hey, they like the bufu. Again, I really don't care. So let's drop it. Let them get married so they can see how much it sucks to be tied down to one person. Now I am going to make fun of some online articles:
Everglades holdout agrees to deal: Look at that man's house. Then look at the ammount of cash he 'settled' for. And then laugh.
Children 'buried alive' in India: They probably deserved to stay buried. I mean, they were babies, and babies cry a lot, so I can't blame those guys for burying them.
71-Year-Old Man Hurt In Bingo Brawl: I wish I had been there. I bet it was great.
SAT scores: 2400 is the new 1600: No. Way. I mean, it would only take basic math to figure that out, you assholes.
Student claims he was suspended for wearing makeup: I know what you're thinking, "Again with the gay people." But it's not. It's more like, Student Suspended For Being An Attention Whore.
Mariah Carey: 'I feel like that's over': No, you're still crazy, 'Mimi'.
Opinions conflict on why flu strain sent: I don't care because I cannot be killed by conventional methods, including disease. And God favors those who listen to Weird Al and, my favorite genre, 'not emo'. You guys should give it a try.
Lowfat diets might deprive kids vitamins: So be a fatty.
Man dies in hot-air balloon crash: God's punishment for shitty anniversary gifts.
Stranded dolphins get round-the-clock care: Why do we bother? What have dolphins ever done for you?
Really Cool Kid Makes Decent Update: Readers say all entry lacks is cowbell.
Everglades holdout agrees to deal: Look at that man's house. Then look at the ammount of cash he 'settled' for. And then laugh.
Children 'buried alive' in India: They probably deserved to stay buried. I mean, they were babies, and babies cry a lot, so I can't blame those guys for burying them.
71-Year-Old Man Hurt In Bingo Brawl: I wish I had been there. I bet it was great.
SAT scores: 2400 is the new 1600: No. Way. I mean, it would only take basic math to figure that out, you assholes.
Student claims he was suspended for wearing makeup: I know what you're thinking, "Again with the gay people." But it's not. It's more like, Student Suspended For Being An Attention Whore.
Mariah Carey: 'I feel like that's over': No, you're still crazy, 'Mimi'.
Opinions conflict on why flu strain sent: I don't care because I cannot be killed by conventional methods, including disease. And God favors those who listen to Weird Al and, my favorite genre, 'not emo'. You guys should give it a try.
Lowfat diets might deprive kids vitamins: So be a fatty.
Man dies in hot-air balloon crash: God's punishment for shitty anniversary gifts.
Stranded dolphins get round-the-clock care: Why do we bother? What have dolphins ever done for you?
Really Cool Kid Makes Decent Update: Readers say all entry lacks is cowbell.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
What A Great Pun
CNN.com - Feline lovers, hunters hiss over cat hunt - Apr 12, 2005
And di you know that if you put salami in a CD player, it will NOT play pig squeals?
Neither did I.
And di you know that if you put salami in a CD player, it will NOT play pig squeals?
Neither did I.
Monday, April 11, 2005
A Message To Drew Fuller
Quit using words you do not know the meaning of. Like ironic. I've forgotten how you used it today, but from what I picked up from your FAWFUL REDNECK ACCENT, its usage was fastonishingly wrong. And American Idiot was intended to be a mockery. Fuggin' naw-nee-naw.
Derka derka derk.
Derka derka derk.
Canada
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.
I can't wait until I get this whole cropping-pictures-well thing down. Until then...
Hell Freezes Over
Hell Freezes Over
Originally uploaded by honeyfitz.
I don't really have anything to say about this picture, except that it is awesome.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
IRAQ
Do we stay? Do we leave? No, we level it and make a parking lot. What for? The awesome theme park when we level Iran. The people there can become disgruntled employees.
Man... BITES MAN
Dogs Die In Hot Cars is the best band ever. t3h b3st b4nd eva|2, for you webspeak asswipes.
From now on, when the 'rents go out of town and leave my brother and I at home, we get to take care of ourselves. This is good, because this week our grandmother "watched"/"took care of" us. Basically, she: complained. A LOT. She has problems with everything:
From now on, when the 'rents go out of town and leave my brother and I at home, we get to take care of ourselves. This is good, because this week our grandmother "watched"/"took care of" us. Basically, she: complained. A LOT. She has problems with everything:
- Music today: "It's just screaming!"(when in reality the song we were listening to was entirely instumental)
- Flavored Coke: "They put too much in!" Wrong again; that's just what preserves it.
- Technology: Evidently, pushing one button to turn on the T.V. is too damn complicated for her tastes.
- Putting dishes in the dishwasher. Or the sink for that matter. And trash goes in the trash can, not the sink, which is right next to the trash can.
- Driving us to school: That's part of the job description. And considering the drive to the bus stop is about two minutes away, she shouldn't have had an issue with it.
- Waking us up: Another essential.
- Walking the dog: Our dog, her dog, any dog. But instead, she let's the two of them shit and piss all over the house. And it's our fault. It makes sense. Of course it should be our job to walk the dog she brought with her along with our dog while we're at school for 13 fucking hours EVERY DAMN DAY.
- Not letting her dog chew stuff all over the house: If a door is closed, it is probably so some MANGEY DOG DOESN'T COME IN AND PISS ALL OVER EVERYTHING AND CHEW UP PEOPLES' STUFF. But no, her little precious needs all the doors open so she can roam around and ruin shit.
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Thursday, April 07, 2005
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Friday, April 01, 2005
Not that there was ever any doubt...
Not that there was ever any doubt...
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.
It's a modified rip-off LiveStrong. I stole it from a girl at church a long time ago.
Mr. Schaivo And The Schindler Family All Need To Be Shot
First they were agruing over whether or not to remove the feeding tube. Now they're arguing whether to cremate or regular bury her and where to bury her. Here's my idea: launch those attention whores straight into the sun.
Also, please note that her death wasn't God's "will". When people don't eat for TWO WEEKS, get this, they DIE. Why was everyone so shocked? You can't live if you don't have food, and vegetables can't have food without a feeding tube. Leave God out of this. The Bible was written before feeding tubes came about so don't get Him involved you Bible-thumping dimwits.
Today at lunch we had an interesting discussion; if a hippy went into a coma, would they say he was in a persistent granola state? Would a comatose gay person be called a fruit? Also, we made living wills. So it was fun. But I decided to take my sex couch and iPod with me when I die.
Also, please note that her death wasn't God's "will". When people don't eat for TWO WEEKS, get this, they DIE. Why was everyone so shocked? You can't live if you don't have food, and vegetables can't have food without a feeding tube. Leave God out of this. The Bible was written before feeding tubes came about so don't get Him involved you Bible-thumping dimwits.
Today at lunch we had an interesting discussion; if a hippy went into a coma, would they say he was in a persistent granola state? Would a comatose gay person be called a fruit? Also, we made living wills. So it was fun. But I decided to take my sex couch and iPod with me when I die.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
.jpg)