CNN.com - Teens accused of killing homeless man 'for fun' - May 31, 2005

FOR GOD'S SAKE, THEY WERE BORED! CUT THEM SOME SLACK!




Just kidding.

CNN.com - 'Mermaid' baby to begin 15 years of surgery - May 30, 2005

DAMN YOU CNN! Why can't you just call her "The little South American girl with a rare condition that caused her to be born with her legs fused together" instead of making me think a fish and a human had married.

CONSPIRACY!

THEORY!


So, here it is: You go to the dentist for your check-up and he "cleans" your teeth. But when I say "cleans", I really mean "sprays with yellow paint". So you think to yourself, "Damn, I have yellow teeth. I should brush them." So you bust out your toothbrush and toothpaste and "clean" your teeth. But when I say "clean", I really mean "apply a chemical that actually causes holes to appear in your teeth, which is the oppostie of what you want to do". So then you say, "CAVITY ALERT! HOLY SHIT!" and get in your car and drive your lazy ass on down to the dentist's office, where he fills your teeth with yellow fillings and "cleans" them again, keeping that vicious cycle moving until the day you die. That's why smoking makes your teeth brown. So you go to fix them at the dentist and buy toothpaste to give you fresh breath. And don't even get me started on that asshole more commonly known as "the orthodontist". That lowlife piece of dog shit really is just moving your yellow teeth so that you have to come back and get the teeth moved again. That's what you vain assholes get for wanting to look good.

CNN.com - Quiet Piano Guy Discovered To Be Baby-Eating Commie - Today

Some Dumbass Redneck's Opinion

Reminds me of a political cartoon I once read, also about Star Wars, but it was concerning JarJar and how people saw him as a racist portrayal of blacks. Anyways, it shows a guy walking into a theater, asking another person if he had heard right about racism in the movie, and the other guy responds, "Only what you bring in with you."
When I become president, I will let the rednecks have some land as their own country. That way, I won't have to deal with them and they can be happy and hunt and fish and watch NASCAR and beat their wives and get drunk in public all they want.

liek, ho0o|2ay 4 SuMmEr!!!!

I'm so tired of all these dumb bitches who are like, "Summer '05 is gonna be a BLAST!" but they type it in leet and in alternating caps and it REALLY PISSES ME OFF. It pissed me off enough when they were like, "Can't wait until summer oh-five!" but this is just absurd. So, to tie things up in a nice little package: QUIT BEING SO DAMN GIDDY AND PEPPY YOU DUMB BITCHES.

EDIT: Also, just so we're all clear on everything: if you listen to rap music, look down at your hands. Now look at your legs and then run into the bathroom and look at your face in the mirror. What color would you use to describe these body parts? If this color doesn't include the word 'brown' or doesn't resemble the color brown, quit listening to rap you fucking poser. And don't lsiten to Green Day if you don't know what the enitre American Idiot album is about. DAMN, am I pissed or what?

Orange Pantaloons!

American Idol Finals Tonight!

But I really have no interest in seeing talentless hacks telling other talentless hacks that they're good or bad. Why does anyone watch that show? The people aren't all that great at this singing thing, it's the same people singing every night(except that they're always cutting people) and the judges and host are quite possibly the most annoying people FOX could find. This show is another example of FOX's axing good shows and keeping bad ones. You don't HAVE to show people what they think they like, you show them what YOU think they HAVE to watch. The way to end this reality show phase is by not showing reality shows. People will watch what's on. Because people are stupid and they suck.

You Know What We Really Need?

ANOTHER INSPIRATIONAL SPORTS MOVIE.

That's why I was relieved when I saw the commercial for Cinderella Man. All I know is that it has Russell Crowe doing what he does best: fighting. Boxing, to be specific. I couldn't help but think, "Good, it's been a long time since we had an inspirational boxing movie. I mean, it's been, what, six months since that one with the chick from The Core who looks like a guy?" The only thing I like more than a long ass inspirational underdog boxing movie is an inspirational high school sports story where a new, unconventional coach comes in and unites the players and shows them how good they can be, because I can never see the ending coming. Every time I'm like, "WOW! Who would have guessed that one player dies and the team wins the big championship?" Honestly, are we as Americans so stupid that our heroes ALWAYS have to succeed at the end of a movie? And in sports movies where they don't win, they're like, "Well at least we had fun." NO. That was your only chance at a future and you blew it. YOU SHOULD BE CRYING BECAUSE DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOU KNOW THAT IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE YOU'LL NEVER AMOUNT TOM MORE THAN THE CAPTAIN OF A VARSITY SPORTS TEAM. DAMNIT. I'M SO ANGRY. For once I just want to see a hero say, "Damn. I failed," and then have no chance of ever redeeming himself. He loses in the finals and then has to bag groceries until his lonely demise, or he cuts the wrong wire and the terrorists win. Or he gets his badge taken away and becomes a drunk. Or his charming smile DOESN'T get him the girl. WHY DO WE NEED TO SEE PEOPLE BETTER LOOKING AND WEALTHIER THAN US SUCCEED? That's why I liked the one where the prisoners had an uprising and then at the end the leader gets shot and the guards are like, "Back to work, mother fucker." Actually, I didn't like that one. But the ending was good because I knew that people left the theater and were like, "Why did I even watch that if that entire two hours was for nothing?" And I say, "That's what you get for buying into Robert Redford's charm. So there!"

The Most Beautiful Thing... Ever

If I could harness the power of 112 suns, that is how I would punish the shoes which failed to fufill their purpose. In fact, that is how I would dispose of small children who really fucking piss me off.

I can name at least one little Irish boy who sat at home today and told people in chat rooms that he had "pixxx" of saggy boobs and a wrinkly ass to share.

Sadly, they thought he was serious.




And they wanted those pictures.

You're pure dag-nasty evil.

It's just a fact!

It's funny how when I sign on to AIM, all of the people I DON'T want to talk to immediately IM me. As in, RIGHT WHEN I GET ON. It's even funnier how none of them can take a hint.


My dad and I went to see Star Wars over the weekend. It was good. But everyone is like, "The (insert random aspect of movie here) was lame," to which I reply, "Okay, well can you show me one of your movies so I can see (aforementioned random aspect) done right? Oh wait, you've never MADE a movie and therefore don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Hey, why don't you GO BACK TO FUCKING PIGS LIKE YOU NORMALLY DO YOU COCK MUNCHER. GO TO HELL AND STAY THERE BECAUSE I HATE YOU."


We also saw The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. That was good. Also, did you know Father Time started a band? Here's a pic from a recent interview on...Fox News...

CNN.com - Florida girl found buried alive in landfill - May 22, 2005

Cool kids kill defenseless pre-pubescent girls. Fortunately this punk was too big of a pussy to actually kill her. If I were in charge, I'd bury his head in the ground and people could come and beat the shit out of him. (My original plan for his punishment was deleted so people wouldn't realize how much of a psycho I am.)

I think I'm a clone now...

There's always two of me just a-hangin' around.

BBC NEWS | World | Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets in Cambodian Ring-Fight

Like the zombie invasion one, it would be SO cool if this were true.

Oh. Em. Gee.

You'll never guess who is rumored to play Gambit in the next X-Men movie. In case you have a life, Gambit is a mutant whose power is that he can light cards on fire and throw them. He's much cooler than he sounds. But anyways, Gambit is CAJUN, so he has a New O'leans-iam accent. And guess who is playing him. Come on, guess. An actor by the name of DREW FULLER. Drew Fuller happens to be a redneck at achool with the most indistinguishable hick accent ever. Wouldn't it be awesome if that guy got the part?

Children Are Our Future? Oh Fuck

An AIM conversation of interest:

[him]: sup
[me]: Who is this?
[him]: [name]
[me]: Oh
[him]: dude y u gotta say that bout my [girlfriend's name]
[me]: What?
[me]: You're 3 years older than her
[me]: That would be like me dating a 6th grader
[him]: so that don't matter
[him]: so
[me]: It's just weird
[me]: And after your next birthday, illegal
[him]: we didn't think so
[him]: well yea but i dont think a reltionship should be for sex
[me]: I'm not saying it should be
[me]: But you'd still technically be a pedophile
[him]: oh well


"Oh well" indeed. And when I say [him], I mean Wil Brock.


ZIIIIIING.

Tara Reid=Bitch

I meant "Randy Of Randy and Spiff", not "Randy and Spiff". Go fudge yourself.

Another site worthy of the prestegious "Almost As Good as My Site" award

CNN.com - Leads, twists in 'piano man' case - May 17, 2005

So wait, all he can do is play piano poorly? I bet he's like some muderous psychopath or something.


In other news, the fine city of Atlanta has lost track of SIXTY FIVE known child molesters in the city. I think I know where five of them are: driving school buses for Darlington.

On Things That Blow Your Mind.

"That a man could take two ordinary words like Star and Wars combine then for a movie based on a boy who farms water and make a gazillion dollars. "

Imagine The Worst School Year Ever And Then Imagine That Year Being Even Worse

So yeah, another close friend of mine has died. Talk about shitty luck. Of course, my sister's always there to keep me cheered up with words of wisdom like, "I'm sorry she had to die."

Thanks.

Finally, I fit into a high-school stereotype

Urban Dictionary/alternative


Unfortunately it is not widely recognized.

Save Me, OnStar!

SI.com - MLB - Giambi hit�with beer in latest Coliseum incident - Sunday May 15, 2005 1:31AM

That's awesome, but still doesn't beat the soccer/futbol goalie who was hit with a flare. That won't be beaten until a sports player is hit with a spear or a barage of bullets. I think a referee got shot one time for sucking, though.

Finally, the hippies do something right.

Grocery Store Wars



And yes, that newspaper article I wrote sucked balls. Large, hairy donkey balls.

Hear My Sexy Stoner Voice!

Tombstone
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.

I made this after I woke up on the bus last night, heard "Wretched" Wilson(the bitch who sings Redneck Woman and those other shitty songs) on the radio and actually wanted to kill myself. I hate it when my iPod doesn't work.

Let's Be Cool And Murder Children

It's oh-so-manly to do, especially when they are pre-pre-pubescent AND girls.

CNN.com - Father charged in girls' deaths - May 10, 2005

I still love that show with the nannies. Last night, the head nanny was like, "We need re-enforcements!" and so they sent in three nannies to deal with twenty-three mentally and or physically challenged beh-behs. It reminded me of the Superfriends and they Nanny Headquarters was like the Hall Of Justice and that one kid who kept fighting the other disabled kids was... whatever the bad guy's name was on the Super Friends.

It takes 26 muscles to smile, 62 muscles to frown, and I really don't give a flying fuck.

If you ever think your town sucks, just travel to Rome, Georgia. Your town could literally be a flaming pile of dog shit and it would still beat Rome in an awesome competition.

Today in the news paper I saw a lesbian and she was hot and sixteen and she had a similarly aged lesbian pal who was hot too and I couldn't help but wonder why I didn't know her.

Now my vocabulary is one word larger!

UrbanDictionary.com/emosexual:

"(Noun) A human being, usually unable to determine the sex, mainly because their hair is of medium length, and they wear make-up, male or female. Usually can be found attempting to look 'punk' with handkerchiefs hanging out of their pockets and a necktie around their neck even if they are wearing a T-shirt.

They can be found listening to Emo-screamo music, which usually involves the discussion of loving someone so much that you would cut your wrists for them, IN EVERY SONG. Emos demonstrate affection by hugging everyone they see because they cannot tell if their counterparts are boys or girls.

Emos can also be found next to cigarette vending machines because every single one of them enjoys a good puff, and being around everyone that smokes makes them feel accepted. They also enjoy spazzing out to their emo-screamo songs, and they're form of 'dancing' usually looks like they are having a seizure."

Star Wars Holiday Special

Unfortunately it isn't all of it.

CNN.com - FDA wants sperm banks to bar donors who've had gay sex - May 5, 2005

Ah, a brilliant idea. Gay people who use protection are still more likely to get AIDS than straight men who don't use protection. This is because my preacher told me that the Bible says that all gays go straight to hell, so this is their punishment.

CNN.com - Texas House to cheerleaders: Don't shake it - May 5, 2005

I've decided to be a senator. If you click the 'next' button, you'll see two senators having a good time. That's all I ever see senators as: having a good time. They've always got their feet up on the table, and they're always coming up with dumb ideas. I can do all of those. I'm great at getting nothing productive done.

Lynndie England is damn ugly

CNN.com - Abu Ghraib judge declares mistrial - May 4, 2005

Clive Dangerously's Quest For Something Good On T.V....

Will never end.


Ever.


And our 250 channel satellite did nothing to solve this dilemma.


Today, Ali said that she planned to commit suicide before exams. Mrs. Rudert was not impressed. But man is she hot. In that 70-year-old, crazy-cat-lady way. So she isn't.

CNN.com - Customer finds employee's finger in frozen custard - May 2, 2005

Honestly, couldn't he have come up with something just a LITTLE more original? Or funny? Like, say, if he found a penis in his custard? That would be funny.





Haha. A penis in his custard.

"Do they have anything other than breakfast food for lunch?"-some person
"Cereal!"-Annie

"...trapazeeze..."-Some girl in my English class


Intelligence thrives in Rome, Georgia.

I was thinking recently, and it dawned upon me that this is the best website I have ever been to. Then I remembered that I already knew that.




If you ever want to make Claire mad, talk about abortion. Specifically, how it is done.

BBC NEWS | South Asia | Cambodian troops Quarantine Quan'su

BBC NEWS | South Asia | Cambodian troops Quarantine Quan'su



ZOMBIES