The Greatest Hour Of Television I've Ever Seen

Currently Watching: Aqua Team Hunger Force
As I've discussed -- at length-- Lost is my favorite TV show. I am obsessed. I am in various stages of watching the show; new episodes on ABC, random episodes online and the two syndication cycles on SciFi channel (SyFy as of next Tuesday). So if you asked me the best show on TV, I would answer "Lost".

The best episode of TV, however, will not be found in Lost. There are some extremely good episodes of Lost, but none have really stuck with me like this one episode of Law and Order SVU.

I watched it during one of those SVU marathons back when I could stand to watch the show, about four years ago. I had just gotten a satellite receiver in my room, and had similarly just gotten sick, so I was sprawled out in my bed all day, watching the conveniently timed marathon.

The episode starts out with two people arguing in a car. The conversation is brought to an abrupt end when a body lands on the windshield. He's been thrown from a roof and, as we find out later, castrated. The cops find out that he was on the roof to rape, and was forcing a woman to fellate him before she chomped it off and threw him from the roof. She fled, leaving them without a victim, so they look around, and the episode wastes some time developing some shelter-dweller's story. She may have been on the show before, and that's why the characters and writers cared. I didn't. Something about a nun? There was a mildly attractive nun on several episodes, and this may have been one.

Finally the cops end up at a prep school, where there is an extracurricular graffiti-ing team, but unfortunately the team does not abide by Title 9, so homely girl is excluded. To prover herself, she climbs on top of the building from earlier to spraypaint a visible-yet-inaccessible billboard. Halfway through, rape. Dick bite. Cut and dry, until forensics reveal the saliva on the penis was a male's. This is where it gets interesting.

Homely girl has a twin brother, whose DNA is a perfect match. Obviously he was the dick chomper. But he's got an alibi, and it checks out, so it's not him.

It WAS the sister, except she's not a sister. She was born a male, but during circumcision, they took a little too much off the top, and it was decided to just go all-in. That's right, circumstration.

And (s)he didn't know, thanks to the dilligent hormone therapy of the family doctor, who sees the twins with some frequency. Also, has sex with the twins with some frequency. The investigation brings this to light; the jig is up.

Then the doctor turns up dead. There's some DNA on the body, but it matches both twins, and they're not talking. As the cops bemoan their inability to move forward without any other evidence, we see the twins in separate interrogation rooms, with their heads against the wall, communicating telepathically, as twins do.* DUN DUN.

That shit give me more nightmares than spiders on Lost ever could. Creepy kids are the pinnacle of terror.

*I do not trust twins and their twin talk in the same way that I don't trust people with heavily tinted windows; what's going on in there that we're not allowed to know about.

Also, yes, you did just read a post that was just an SVU recap. I'm sorry.

Giant Spiders

Currently Watching: Outbreak
I wouldn't consider myself an arachnophobe. I don't hate spiders. I don't like them by any means, and I won't seek them out, but they don't send me on top of chairs when I see one.

But judging by the dreams I've had about spiders, I'd say they may be the greatest irrational fear I have.

The last time I had a nightmare about spiders, it was after I watched the episode Exposeeee, of Lost. I dragged out the e because I can't do accents, despite the best efforts of every Spanish teacher I've ever had. For the uninitiated, that episode is about two minor characters and they're arguing and lying and backstabbing, and at the end they're both bitten by spiders. First, the girl throws a spider on the guy, and then another one shows up and bites her. Except these spiders don't kill, they just paralyze. Except no one else on the Island (who is alive) knows this, so everyone assumes they are dead and the couple is buried alive. And right before the others start shovelling, HER EYES OPEN.

Oh, the terror.

And I had a nightmare that night, about being bitten by spiders while being underground. Obviously my subconcious wasn't paying too much attention during the show.

Then last night I had another spider-mare. I can't remember it nearly as vividly as the Lost dream, but I do remember man-sized spiders chasing me and characters from Indiana Jones (spoiler alert: Sallah got eaten). And at the end, Indy and I defeated the spiders, except I knew that it was only a temporary victory and that mankind would some day die at the hands of these arachnids.

Now, I'm a believer in interpreting dreams, and the first spider dream makes sense; I was just re-capping an episode of Lost I'd seen hours prior.

But what the hell does the second one mean?