Know what's kinda stupid? All of the local radio stations have a bunch these of these 'just music' hours. For those of you who are stupid dumbasses, that means that they don't play comercials. That does NOT include promos constantly being aired in between songs reminding you that they aren't playing comercials and thus are the best radio station ever. What apparently didn't occur to the radio station execs is that it's not the fact that the commercials are advertising that bothers people so much as it is the fact the the commercials interrupt the music-playing. SIRIUS radio seems to do that alot to. "This is SIRIUS radio. We don't play commercials. No commercials. None. At all. Let me keep goingon about this for 30 more seconds, which basically means that I'm advertising something to you that you've already got." Know what else I heard? TiVo is now going to make it so that you can't avoid commercials. Wasn't that the point of Tivo in the first place? So you could watch something aftef it came on and without any interuptions? I mean, you pay to use it, and they're still making you sit through ads, which are responsible for making the basic channels free in the first place.


But watching Final Destination 2 will make it aaaaaaaaaall better.

The Door Isn't Closed For A Reason, Asshole

You may or may not, depending on whether or not you obsess over this site, remember a post a long time ago about my siblings always trying to break into my room. Well, on Monday, one of those morons decided they wanted to get on my computer. I had locked the door because my brother kept pushing it open and I could hear one of them trying to unlock the door, so I went to sit next to the door to keep him/her out. Then the other two came. All three of them were pushing on my door and trying to unlock. To make a long, stupid, boring story short, they broke the door. It no longer closes. Well, FUCK BEANS. I ask my dad if I could buy a dead bolt for my door (with my own money), but he said no. It's great to hear that my parents are so concerned about the fact that my three siblings are constantly ganging up on me. I know that sounds incredibly whiny, but these kids are really starting to piss me off. When the door is(was) closed or locked, it means(meant) "STAY THE FUCK AWAY". Now they come in, watch my T.V. and get on my computer as they please. And considering that this week is Thanksgiving, the Three Stooges will always be there to PISS ME OFF. Looks like a fun week ahead of me.


Now I sit here waiting until noon for Night of the Living Dead to come on on some channel I have never heard of before.

Cosgrove and another kid got in a fight.
Over a paper mache pig.
Cosgrove gave the kid a bloody nose.
A kick in the nuts, too.
What a bunch of fucking dumbasses.

A poem by me.

It was the worst fight ever. Everyone was crowded around them at the Cove. People (really just me) were cheering, shouting and doing whatever they (I) could to further promote the fight. Cosgrove was all, "You pussy. Me better than you cause me wrestler." The other kid was like, "Confucius say, 'If I don't fight, he does not win.'" A glass cup was broken, a goth/punk/emo/whatever chick was pushed down and the other kid ACCEPTED his ass kicking. The pre- and post-fight quotes uttered by the Cos' and the other kid were hilarious. Basically, they both thought they won when neither did.






In other news, I found this little ball thingy that you can take apart into two pieces and they can be used like the coconuts in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. So I ran around yesterday after exams, you guessed it, galloping like a horse with my fake coconuts. And aparently, alot more kids than I had once thought have seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

I was just reading over some of my first posts when I realized just how stupid they were. Then I got to thinking: What if I went back and Lucas'd it, and re-wrote all of those old posts and made them funny? I mean, the old posts were awful, but if I had readers, they'd be all, "What the fuck were you thinking?" And I'd be like, "This isn't a metaphor to the Star Wars series." But still, wait, what?




My DVD collection is now at 70. As of last Saturday, this was my DVD collection. Then my dad and I traded in Tomb Raider 2 and the Matrix Revolutions at Blockbuster and got the Lost Boys and Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, neither of which I had seen before, both of which turned out OK. Yesterday, we went again and they finally had the Punisher used. I was about to get that and the Michael Moore movie when, lo and behold, I saw at my feet THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW. IT WAS THE ONLY ONE THERE. THANK GOD SOME POOR SAP HAS SHITTY TASTE IN MOVIES AND TRADED IN A BRAND NEW COPY.


EDIT: I just remembered that my dad borrowed Office Space, so the official count is 71. Hooray.


My Spanish teacher is a bastard. You see, I go to a private school, and my parents pay for him to teach me and prepare me for tests and exams DURING CLASS. But no, class time is reserved for soap-box speaches on how Bush is killing the enviroment. You see, we have to come to an exam review session on Sunday afternoon if we want to do well. Well I've got news for that blubbering fat piece of shit: I live an hour away from school, so a 2 hour review session in the middle of Sunday afternoon will completely spend my day. God, how I loathe that man.

Thought you kids might like to now that I now have an actual picture of me posted in my profile. Hopefully I'll update this weekend(and that's fo' real-real, not fo' play-play).

I seriously think aliens are abducting me on a regular basis

That or I cut my bruise my self in my sleep. Or some crazed midget dressed as a clown hiding in my room has been doing it. But I think I would have smelt him by now, so I can rule that idea out.

Last night I had a great dream. I was cut on the face and the scar was huge. People everywhere were like, "That cut is AWESOME." And so the Clive Dangerously face scar became the newest fad and I was popular. Of course I woke disappointed, with no facial scar the size of... something... big and still no popularity.

Oh yeah, my ex-friends noticed the fact that I was counter-ignoring them. Well look who came crawling back. FUCKERS.

Oh, and one more thing. I bought a box of White Castle burgers last night at the grocery store. The hot cashier girl was impressed. She used to live in South Dakota where White Castle burgers were like gold or porn or crack, but no one likes them here, despite the fact that they are Krystal burgers but better and with a different name. The burgers were sooooo good. I might go make some more and sell my siblings for to purchase more burgers.

Goal for this next week: learn how to travel through the internet to strangle people.

I swear if I see someone type something like *giggles* or :::dodges flying objects::: one more time I will fucking snap.

Today was the best day ever. Spanish report? Now due Monday. Bio test? Moved to Tuesday. History paper? 95. Half of my classes today? Missed to due a not-quite-as-negative-as-usual dentist visit. Thrown out of the library? Yes*. So fuck all of you trying to bring me down. That would include the nerd group at school, who seem to think that because they play Dance Dance Revolution, hang out with older nerds and are in the Steel Drum Band they are automatically cool. Guess what kids? That doesn't change the fact that YOU'RE FUCKING NERDS. Too cool for me, eh? It would seem to be the opposite. I don't play video games at all and I am sure as hell not a band geek, so why am I being shunned by the bottom of the social barrel? FUCK THEM.

Fuck diddly fuck fuck.
Fuck-a-doodle-doo.


At least I'll have a girlfriend before they... do something... nerdy, I guess.

*THERE IS NO FUN ALLOWED IN THE LIBRARY. LAUGHTER=BANISHMENT. JOY=SEVERE CAPITAL PUNISHMENT.

I got in a fight with the 'Cos tuh-day. No, not everyone's favorite Jell-O salesman, but everyone's least favorite COSGROVE. One could say he beat the ever-living shit out of me. But I kept egging him on anyways. He was all, "I'll punch you in the face!" And he hit me in the leg, to which I replied, "You missed, asshole." So he hit me again. In the arm. I reminded him that my arm is NOT my face, and I was hit again and again and again. But never in the face. Once in the stomach, but never in the face. Dumbass. And he poured coffee on me. This was all because I stole his hat. It was a shitty hat anyways (He's one of them lobotmized Georgia "Dawg" fans).



EDIT: And I suppose it never occured to them that I no longer care about their problems.

I give up. There's obviously no one left reading this shit-ass site. I quit. I'm officially becoming a goth.







Not really. Just wanted to prove I wasn't dead.

everyone sucks

When I informed my Spanish teacher of my theory on Kerry and Bush, that rat bastard said it wasn't funny. How dare I claim that his precious Kerry and the evil, nature-destroying Bush were one in the same? I'm shocked that I could do something so shameful.

Does anyone else love it how whomever someone plans on voting for is like a God who can do no wrong, yet the other candidate(s) and their respective parties are morons/poor people/smelly hippies? NEWS FLASH: Kerry may have done some bad stuff in the past, but guess what, so has Bush. And yes, Bush has told some lies in his carrer, but guess what, so has Kerry. Hence ye olde Englishe spelling of the word 'politician', poLIEticiane. It's in their resume; it's the first question: "Are you a lying sack of crap?" And if you answer no, you must be Nader. I mean, you can't be a politician. Kerry tried to get out of 'Nam ASAP and Bush dodged the drafts, but who can blame them? Bush fans make it sound like Kerry was a pussy for trying to get out, and Kerry fans make it sound like Bush's a bigger pussy for dodging altogether, but it's not like it was a fucking tea party over there. People were having there damn heads blown off and being blown to bits by little guys hiding in trees. Those guys were like fucking Ewoks of soemthing, battling the 'evil empire', which brings me to my next subject: ignorant European assholes on the internet who claim that all Americans are war-monging, gun-toting, fat-ass redneck Bush fans. I can proudly say that only one of those applies to me(guess which one?). I suppose it never occured to those Euro-bastards that, just like they aren't all womanly socialist wine-drinking cowards, not all Americans like Bush, are fat, like war, tote guns, etc. Kinda ironic, eh? Claiming we're all ignorant while showcasing their own ignorance.


I'll be back to bitch'n'moan s'more in a few hours, next time about the bastardous institution know as school.

All Of My Readers Are Dead

Kinda depressing, isn't it? No sign of life in a few weeks.

My first post sin title. That was Spanish. Spanish is great, save for Spanish homework, teachers and classes. But other than that, I love Spanish.

I've been thinking about posting some pictures of me so you can see the nerd behind the bitching and moaning.

And I think this is my 50th post, but I'm not sure because the damn post counter is lazy.

Hey kids, it's conspiracy theory time!

Remember that episode of the Simpsons(Treehouse of Horror 7: Citizen Kang) where Homer discovers that the presidential candidates have been replaced by Kang and that other alien, and that regardless of whom you vote for, the world would still be enslaved? No? Well, that's too damn bad. But anyways, what if John Kerry and George Bush are the same person? Some evil millionaire probably created the two characters, their likenesses and their backgrounds and entered the two fakes into the election. That way, when you vote for Bush, you're also voting for Kerry and therefore contributing to the downfall of human civilization. That's right- a vote for Bush or Kerry is a vote for enslavement of humanity at the hands of an evil millionaire. My conclusion? Vote for Nader. Or write in a new candidate (if possible). Hu Flung Pu for prez in 2k4!


Yes, that was lifted from Conan. So sue me. No, don't. I haven't got much money to begin with. But I can give you Ramen noodles. Who doesn't love Ramen noodles? Homeless people, college students and homeless college students everywhere LOVE Ramen noodles. And so do I, despite not falling into any of those categories.

Leave My Weekend Alone

Well, I've actually got something to complain about this time. What might that be? People planning my weekend for me. Yesterday, had to go to some poor(not financially, in case you're wondering; I said poor because he's dead) old guy's funeral to carry the cross in front of the coffin, but when my dad and I got there, someone had already stepped in to do it. So we get to go home, right? No, we have to stay and wait to see if they needed us to put the coffin into the ground. It turned out that the answer was 'no', but we had to wait an hour to find out. After that, we went to pick up my brother from that Sylvan place(not just for retards, he tells us). We got there when we were supposed to, but they weren't quite done, so we had to wait around for an hour. Fortunately, we had just enough time to stop into Barnes and Noble to buy the Dawn of the Dead on DVD, which I got to watch this morning. Anyways, we picked up my brother and went home after getting lunch for him and his girlfriend(I didn't know she was at the house, nor did I know that she had been there for more than 15 hours). Then, my dad said we had just enough time to go to the movie theater and see Shaun of the Dead, which was hysterical, and was the second high point of the day. When we got back home, we had to drive up to Rome, GA to go to the county fair. Both my dad and I agreed that it was quite lame and definitely a waste of the few hours we spent there. And the haunted house, oh, the haunted house, was horrendously lame. It was just like on that episode of the Simpsons where Bart and Lisa go into the lame haunted house. After that, we waited for my brother's girlfriend's parents to arrive and pick those two up. We got home at about 11.

This morning, I found out that my dad and I have to go to the rector or whatever from our church's house to do yard work. She's been sick for the past few weeks and her yard is quite out of shape. I'm not complaining about helping a sick woman out. I'm complaining about how not one of the deadbeats from our church could go over there and help out. That's what I hate about my church; the deadbeats. It feels like a few families are always there having to do all the work that an assload of lazy families can't find time to do. What's that? You and your husband have your hands full with your two middle-school age children? My parents have four kids, and they manage to do all the things they signed up for AND the jobs you f***ers signed up to do and couldn't. Lazy people aren't the problem. People who sign up for things they don't plan on doing are. If I were in charge, all of those people would be cast into an active volcano.



Wait a second... Mount Saint Helen. Mount St. Helen! Mister Bush! Redeem yourself NOW! This is a perfect opportunity to make America the perfect land it once had the potential to be! Kill the deadbeats for a stronger America! Cast them into the eternal fire!



All of this on top of my huge amounts of homework. Thanks a bunch.

Important Public Service Announcement

Every time you self pleasure, a kitten drops dead.

Are you responsible for the death of innocent felines? I'm not.

I just saw a great quote on IMDB

It was on the message board for the movie Volcano, which wasn't that bad. It's just that the script writers probably went on to write speeches for Bush. Anyways, the quote went:
"Come on, at least this thing had Tommy Lee Jones rolling out a map on the hood of his car. He just does not get sick of that does he?"



Well, I thought it was funny. Shut up. Don't make me shove a large metal pipe down your throat. Cause I will. And there's only three more days until my birthday, but I have yet to see a gift from any of you bastards.

My sister was all sick and stuff today. She kept crying because she was gonna miss her school's "Fall Festival". Some day she'll be glad she missed that lame-ass waste of a day. Whoop-dee-friggin'-do, you got your hair spray painted. I love her and all, but it's really no big deal. And yes, I do realize that I probably loved going to that ass-tival when I was her age.


I just realized the perfect place to go in case of a zombie invasion: a Richard Simmons "concert" or whatever they call those things where all those fat people go to lose weight(and I don't mean people like me, I mean people who could rival Jabba the Hutt or Anna Nicole Smith as the fattest, most disgusting slug ever) and listen to ol' Richie have a friggin' orgasm on stage. Anyways, my reasoning would be that chances are they'd all be slower than me(save for Mr. Simmons) and the zombies would go for the easier prey, kinda like when you get chased by a bear; don't fret as long as someone slower than you is being chased too.

The theme for the home coming dance has been announced: dress up as your favorite decade. After I finished laughing hysterically for about twenty minutes and disrupting math class, I realized the endless possibilities: Devo, Kevin Bacon from Footloose, Anthony Michael Hall(from any one of his movies; it was just the same character), Johnny Depp from A Nightmare On Elm Street(the ladies would definitely be all-up-ons), any guy from the original Degrassi, Conan The Librarian(from UHF), are you still even reading this?, Jason Voorhees, the guy from Miami Vice, for still reading this you have no friends, Timothy Dalton, Jesse from Full House(no, wait, I won't...), Bill or Ted from... Bill and Ted, Ferris Bueller...

Oh, Canada!

I just figured out how to change the theme for Mozilla(yes, I'm quite technotarted). So... I set it to, you guessed it, Oh Canada! in honor of the season premiere of Degrassi, which I will be missing tonight for a(gag)football game and be forced to watch tomorrow due to my generosity. Basically, I lent a girl my notes for a Biology paper so she could go home and make copies for herself, but she was sick today and (obviously) couldn't get the papers back to me. But whatever. AND I got a ride home from school from a junior, which nearly eclipses my date to the prom with an actual female who's actually in 11th grade. Wow.


But, I need assistance. Does anyone know how to fix the colors on my computer? Every time I open Mozilla, the colors get really funky.

You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?

Shoot the lawyer. Twice.

Today we only went to school for two hours. And there was ZERO learning whatsoever. But it was mandatory school, so, you know, I would have prefered to not go at all. But whatever. I was still grateful for the much shortened school day.

Honest to God kids, I don't really know what to post for the rest of the... post. So I'll bang my head on the keyboard for a while.
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Don't make me eat you.

I just got back from a camping trip to a drive in theater. We saw Without A Paddle and Resident Evil 2. It was kick ass. Twice, no, thrice, no FOUR TIMES!!!!!! Sorry for another short post, but I HATE SCHOOL. I mean... I have home-I HATE SCHOOL-work. So... later... and... things, I guess. I don't know. I really, really don't know.

Play this game.

It's hella-awesome twice. And addictive. And easy.




EDIT: Okay, so maybe it isn't as easy as I said. But it is hella-awesome twice and addicitve.

Super Monkey Robot Hyperforce!!!!1!!!!1!!!!

I swear to God there's a show on right now called Super Monkey Robot Hyperforce. But it sucks because it's on Toon Disney and it's full of crap like "Of course I came, that's what friends are for!" What lies they feed these children.
I got my braces off today. But not before I saw a great chance to extract revenge on those sadistic bastards. I spewed some saliva I collected in my mouth all over that nurse. That's what you get for malpractice, bitches.
My birthday is in two weeks. If you bitches don't get me something, I keel you. No lie. You can just ask my neighbors... but oh wait, I keeled them. So you can't. Cause they dead.


Not really, of course. Gullible fart knocker. Wow, that insult sucked twice, maybe thrice.

"Is it that dumb Rasumataz song again?"

Just finished a biology paper. Eh. But today was pretty OK. I met(formally) the dorm student we are hosting at my school. He's a real cool guy. Don't know if he was impressed with me as I was with him. The first question everyone was asking my dad and I was "Does he speak any English?" and we were all, "Shut up, bitch, he speaks English better than you. Bitch."
Nah, he's supafly. And he's really smart, too. So go eat some cat barf, you dumb, flaming sack of dog crap.


Oh, and if my egotistical sister doesn't shut up about how it's her birthday(which it isn't 'til tomorrow) and we need to be nice to her, I'll make every other day of the year pure hell. What a little beotch. And I'll be damned if anyone was fooled by her obviously stuffed bra. Yeah, um, you're eleven. No eleven-year-old has boobs that big. But I didn't say anything. Maybe that's a sign of me getting maturer(Is that spelled right?). Or it's a sign of me wanting to see people stare at her and think "$200 bucks says that kid stuffs her bra."

The Punisher is awesome

...but not as awesome as me. But hey, not much is. Just... the ladies. Another uneventful week at school over. You must be thinking, "Oh, exalted one, what about Ivan, the storm whose wrath was almost as great as your level of awesomeness?" Well, you punk-ass beotches, Ivan was a little overrated. Just about every school in the state got a day or two off thanks to Ivan. But our lame-ass school didn't. Private school sucks. I mean, first we have to wear khakis every day, sometimes ties, we can't have any fun whatsoever, and then we have to come to school on incliment weather days, along with days in which Ivan is supposed to hit, yet you could practically go to the zoo while busy not learning. GHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, man I hate school. And it hates me, too. And pants are overrated. That's why the ladies always try to take mine off. But they can't, because our school has a lame-ass dress code that requires los pantalones to be worn by me at all times. Ooooh, I spoke espanol. Sexy. Like me.






I think I'm the only person who was unaware that John Candy has been dead for ten years. That's the only reason I'm still mourning. Because I just didn't know. Now I've GOTTA lose weight. All the great overweight comedians are dead. John Candy, Chris Farley, that one fat guy... all the greats. Jeez cheese Louise, man.

Go see Residnet Evil 2 if you haven't already. Go rent the Punisher if you haven't already. It's a saaaaaaaaaaad movie that made me laugh, cry, laugh a little more, shout "Jeez! He kilt that Russian guy dead!", and have to take a leak.




Screw you, Ivan. You were the suckiest hurrican ever. Whoops. There I go with that sexy espanol again.

Screw you, iTunes!!!

I just did it. I defeated the man. There is now no need for me to blow $500 on an iPod. I just figured out how to put iTunes files on an MP3 player.
Eff you, Apple. I won. The only way for you to beat me is to not play. How about a nice game of tic-tac-toe?

Update'd!

I've decided to have a more positive outlook on life. This way, the week will move along quicker. so... something positive about this week... it's over. 4 weeks of school down, only about 32 weeks left. Great. I mean, Great!!!!!!!! Whatever.

Duran Duran has a new song out. It's pretty good, but somewhat sub-par to some of their other hits.

Spanish class was funny yesterday. Not because the teacher told a funny joke, but because he was so pissed off at us. He was all "Pay attention, dammit!" Well, he didn't relly say that, but he probably would have. The reason he was so pissed was because most people either got a low C(equivalent of a D) or failed altogether on a test we took a week or so ago. I got a C. But you know what? I don't really care. In the words of Ravi(another kid in that class), "Maybe he'll have a heart attack!" That or his trophy wife(no, I've never met her or seen her, but this guy has to be going through his midlife crisis, and he probably doesn't have a Mustang) leaves him. Anyways, enough of me being cynical.

Nah, I like being a cynical bastard. This past weekend, I got an IM from one of my followers. I mean, readers. JOIN MY CULT JOIN MY CULT. That really meant alot to me. I mean, someone actually cared to IM. I think I'm gonna cry now... No, wait, I'm not. But thanks anyways. If you want to see me cry, you'll need to impale with 4, count 'em, 4 pool skimmers while dangling me above a pit of sharks who haven't eaten in a week or two. Then, you might see me shed a tear. Or you could just make me watch the last 10 minutes of the movie Selena. (Why did you have to die Selena, why?) That always makes me cry.





























Look how far this thing'll go down!

hooray for lettuce

I got up a 7 this morning. Don't know why. But I think I'll do that more often. Our house('hoose', if I were Canadian) is much more awesomer when everyone is sleeping.

I was thinking. My sisters' friends are still annoying, and they still come over to the house to bother me, so why not just set out some beartraps like in My Boss's Daughter. I'd never have to deal with them again. except when I have to dispose of their bodies. So maybe I could install a high-tech security system that fires a laser at them when they come within 100 feet of our house(which works out well, because the live less than 100 feet from our house and would be garanteed to be laser'd as soon as I installed it), but I don't have enough money for that. So I'll dig a huge pit and cover it so they can't see it. When they come close, they'll fall into- a moat! That's what I need! But with no water in it. I'll ensure that they don't escape by making it really deep. So when they fall in, they'll be stuck forever. I'm so awesome.

Only one month and one day 'til I'm 14. I've already planned my birthday out. My dad, a few friends and I are all going to go see Shaun of the Dead. And then we'll go do something else. And they'll give me presents. And it'll be GREAT.

I'm not going to bother talking about school, seeing as it was exactly the same as the previous two weeks of school. Crappy. So why bother? My point exactly.

Free iPods? No, free children.

I used to wonder why Germans worshipped David Hasselhoff. Now I know, thanks to the EuroTrip Soundtrack. Oh, by the way, my friend Doug brought his portable DVD player on the bus yesterday and we watched EuroTrip. Without a doubt the best bus ride ever. I mean, it could only have been better if Cosgrove had drank a big can of SHUT THE HELL UP. God, he's annoying. If he ever bothers Sarah again, I'm gonna eat him for breakfast. And, seeing as I'm a fat kid, you can quote me on that. Same thing goes for those two eleventh graders(this clown and his gay partner) who keep insisting that I should 'do' Sarah. Sorry you guys don't have the ability to come within 10 feet of a girl without falling over from all the pressure, but some of us are actually respected by women(a rare achievement for a nerd like me) and don't plan on changing that. Besides, I have no interest in eating a cat(if you catch my drift...). So there you have it. I lied. I did complain about school. Well, maybe just 3 of the bastards at school, but whatever. Bye. And whatnot.