My blog is worth $0.00.
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CNN.com - 'Lost' stars arraigned on DUI charges - Dec 30, 2005

Dem girls is lookin' good!

CNN.com - Florida teen skips school, sneaks to�Iraq - Dec 29, 2005

I love that his first name is "Farris". "Hassan" must mean "Bueller" in whatever language it originated from.

I Can Make Stuff Happen With My Mind

Currently Listening To: Hell Yes by Beck
Last night, we were watching Into the Blue, starring some sharks and Jessica Alba's ass. Towards the end, my brother and I were talking about how much better it was than expected when I said, "At least no one has gotten hit in the balls. I hate it when that happens in movies. It's so not funny." No less than ten seconds later, Jessica Alba sterilized some poor bastard. With a lead pipe or maybe her leg. I wasn't really paying attention. Anyways, my brother started yelling at me for ruining the movie. Trying to make a quick save, I said "At least I don't have a million dollars."


It didn't work.

CNN.com - Beauty store robbed - Dec. 28 20pi

Local authorities currently combing the area.
Ba-zing!

Today is the patriarch's 42nd birthday. This means I'm getting old, because he was 26 when I was born. I need to go get an expensive, European sports car and a trophy wife to compentsate.

CNN.com - Bush hopes for better year in 2006 - Dec 26, 2005

Don't we all hope for better years? I mean, that'd be kind of masochistic and depressing to want a worse year next year.

EDIT: Nevermind, there was this one time when I was like, this year was too good, next year needs to be more crappy.

CNN.com - Canadian 'swingers' cheer ruling on sex clubs - Dec 26, 2005

[This post was left blank because the author is already in the car on his way to Canada]

Kong: The Worst Movie Ever?

You'd better believe it.

Got back about 20 mintues ago from that travesty. I don't even know where to begin. The best way I can describe it is by referencing one scene about an hour and a half into the movie. The main lady, having entertained the ape before by doing some tricks, does the same tricks again, hoping to make him happy. He yawns. That pretty much sums the movie. Peter Jackson doing the same things he's done before, while I, a 60 foot gorilla, yawn. Here's another visual: Me looking over at my brother a few minutes after this scene to see him listening to his mp3 player.

Normally I'm upset when people talk during movies. But by the end of this one, I was wishing the country bumpkin a few rows back had decided to flirt with his sister instead of watch the movie. The movie was that bad. Even I was talking by the end. Talking about how bad it was. The acting. The special effects. The dialogue. The list goes on and on. This wouldn't have been a problem if everyone in the movie industry didn't want a chance to blow Peter Jackson's dork. Instead of telling him how awful and boring the movie was, the execs at Universal were like, "Yay! I loved it." Apparently, at a private screening for said execs, they decided to cut twenty seconds of footage. THE MOVIE IS THREE HOURS LONG AS IT IS. Could they really not have come up with more to cut? I could have. I would have cut the first hour and fifteen minutes and then the last 20 or so minutes. Only then would the high cheese factor have been bearable. Peter Jackson; you are on my list. My list of people who need to be hit in the face with a satchel of corn pone. You best watch out.

I typed this up last night but internet was being a bitch so I had to save it and post it now.

If you have an Xbox and no one else in a large crowd does, don't brag about it

YouTube - Take the Xbox!

CNN.com - Man mistakenly left in jail for 15 months - Dec 23, 2005

Great. That gives me confidence in our government.

The Most Pretentious Thing I've Ever Heard

Currently Listening To: ffgrthdhgggarglefrabble
So I'm watching the tube when this commercial comes on. It's all, "POP MUSIC IS DEAD. REAL MUSIC IS OUR PASSION". It's a Hawthorne Heights commercial. Ha! If anyone shouldn't be calling another type of music fake, it's that band. That entire genre's legitimacy is up for debate.

Montana gets $260K from DirecTV to settle suit over advertising - billingsgazette.com

This makes me feel good, considering they're installing it right now.

CNN.com - No�New York�buses, subways for�second day - Dec 21, 2005

THAT is what you get for not buying a car, most of NYC. Screw the enviroment, it's cold! What now? WHAT NOW?

Mallrats poster

Mallrats poster
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.

protects me from monsters while sleeping

Me Watching Lord of the Rings

Just kidding, I didn't watch Lord of the Rings today, or any day this year. The Direct TV guy is coming so I have to be awake. Speaking of which, where is that bastard?

This is an awful picture. Whoever took it should be ashamed of himself.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

...hands got chopped off.

FINALLY! A website devoted to George Lucas' amputee fetish!

CNN.com - Hundreds gather for Williams' funeral - Dec 20, 2005

I could go on for hours about this too. He committed a crime and needed to be punished, but I don't think killing him was the right thing to do. The more modern term for 'prison' is correctional facility or something like that, and you can't expect people to change by killing them. The only change in them is the fact that now, they're dead. From the sounds of it, the 20+ he spent in the slammer was enough for him to realize he'd done wrong. But still, they kilt him. That's not good. This does not mean I believe that "An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind" BS. An eye for an eye leaves two people without an eye because once the criminal has his eye taken out, it's even. But I still think that killing bad people solves the problem. Evil begets evil. Tookie's death is just going to make gang members angry and violent. And I just proved myself wrong. Whatever, I don't mind contradicting myself. It's no biggie.

CNN.com - Poll: More Americans prefer 'Merry Christmas' greeting - Dec 20, 2005

This American prefers it when people shut the fuck up about stuff that doesn't matter. Starving kids in Frackalackastan and we're griping about being PC. Jesus is the reason for the season, eh? Step back and think about this for a second. You're complaining about DEPARTMENT STORES saying happy holidays. STORES that sell things that people give to each other for Christmas, Chanookuh, Decemberween, essetera, essetera. You know the drill. Anyways, while these people complain about Jesus being taken out of the holiday, they are completely missing the fact that he had been taken out years ago when gift-giving became involved. Gift giving is fueled by department stores. The witch hunt is going on in the wrong area. Who should be blamed? Corporations. But that's not going to happen because people suck and they are morons so fueled by the illusions of the world they have blinded themselves with. They got so caught up in their self professed greatness that they forget why they're doing what they're doing. Christianity is not about Christmas. It's not about telling people they're wrong, either. It's about spreading peace and brotherhood and not being an ass(Which makes me ineligible). But once people get on the war path, they cannot be stopped.

And that's why the world needs to be nuked 9 times so we can start over again with a clean slate and not be so vain.

CNN.com - Report: Gwen Stefani pregnant - Dec 20, 2005

Oooh, me rike-ah dah Gren Strefani!
Penguin Snatched For Christmas Gift
I had this plan when I was younger. I was going to steal a penguin from Seaworld and let him live in a walk-in freezer I would build in our backyard and we'd watch TV while eating fish every afternoon. That plan didn't really pan out.
Katrina Biggest Dead Horse of Year
If that's what it had been about, I'd agree. I'm sorry for all the people whose lives were destroyed by it but it's not the first natural disaster in history, nor is it the first in that area, nor will it be the last. Let me tell you a story. This year, at the start of October, it was around 70 degrees outside in Minnesota. Three days later, BAM! Three feet of snow. They weren't expecting it. Didn't have a clue it was coming. So where did they go from there? THEY PULLED THEIR SHIT TOGETHER, SHOVELED THE SNOW AND GOT BACK TO WORK. Moral of the story? Don't elect inept/corrupt officials.

Audio Trailer for SNAKES ON A PLANE!

CNN.com - Iraq speeches, election don't help Bush - Dec 19, 2005

Probably because he interrupted prime-time TV. Common sense, folks.

First Coast News | Top Stories - Two Missing After Vilano Beach Plane Crash

Fuck you, 2005, you fatherless son-of-a-bitch.


This article is a little dated. My brother's girlfriend got a call 30 minutes ago, saying one of the girls had died.

CNN.com - Time names Bono, Bill and Melinda Gates Persons of Year - Dec 18, 2005

More like, least interesting people of all time. Who's next, Columbus's gay cousin? For People of the Year (Hafta include wimminfolk nowadays.), I'd pick:
Paris Hilton
Angelina Jolie and that guy's collection of adopted babies
Scientology(Yes, it is a person and has feelings)
Abe Lincoln
Baby Jesus

And then we'd put them in a house for a month. They'd stop being nice, and start being real. The Real World.

iRony

Currently Watching: Firefly
Anti-smoking/drug commercials, in my mind, define irony. The message behind pretty much all of the commercials is "It's cool to not do drugs because people only do drugs to be cool to begin with." Why is it that everything has to be cool? Why can't people do things becuase they honestly believe in it or truly want to do it? I was reading an article the other day about how Jesus/Christianity has become so cool and it made me sick. Not only because so many kids just go to church to fit in, but also that these preachers and priests are advocating it. Desperation to get people to come to church is, in my mind, fueled by greed. They don't want these kids to come to church to 'save' them or whatever. They want them to come so their parents come and they want their parents to drop some dimes in the collection plate. This is just like getting kids to not smoke/do drugs because they think it's cool to not do them. Then they become the zombies they would hvae become if they fried their brains on acid. They're still not thinking for themselves, which is worse than kids being addicted to nicotene in my mind.

While we're on the subject of coolness, if you want to beat the bandwagon to the next cool music channel, grab the remote, drop FUSE, and go to IMF. All the cool kids will be doing it shortly. This way, you can be all, "I watched IMF before it was cool." Don't worry about actually listening to the music. It's good(equal ammounts of all types of music but country) but you weren't listening to the music on FUSE...

or MTV2...

or MTV to begin with.

EDIT: I was re-reading this so I can ignore all the grammerticle errors in the post when I noticed the lack of cussin'. To make up for it, fuck, fuck, mother-mother fuck-fuck, noiche, noiche, noiche, one, two, one two three four, noiche, noiche, noiche, smokin weed, smokin weed.
Doin' coke, drinkin beers. Drinkin beers, beers beers. Rollin' fatties, smokin blunts. Who smokes the blunts? We smoke the blunts.

CNN.com - Official: Al-Zarqawi caught, released - Dec 15, 2005

Whoops.

CNN.com - Die at your own risk, mayor proposes - Dec 13, 2005

Good idea. By the way, it doesn't count as an eating disorder if you skip meals because you're too lazy to cook anything, right?

CNN.com - Wife: Child groom is 'no victim' - Dec 13, 2005

Everyone involved in this case should be executed, save for the baby, who will live the rest of it's life in exile. A sewer will do just fine.

So former President Ford is in the hospital. All I can say to that is: Who?

Oh, and about these teachers... Dem bitches. All they talk about is how lazy kids get 'round HOLIDAY time, but that's not the truth. Kids never care about school save for the mutant ones. Know what's REALLY going down? The rest of the school's getting lazy. Teachers, administrators, school supplies. Yeah, school supplies. As long as the 3 numbers I put in for my lock are relatively close to the real one, it lets me in. What a lazy fuck for a lazy kid. But back to the point. I'm tired of teachers going on about the period between Thanksgiving break and Decemberween break. "Oh, we've got so much to do! CRAMCRAMquizquiztestpaperCRAMCRAM" Yeah, I think I'll pass. Spend more time, say, teaching, and you won't feel so pressed for time. And don't feel the need to give out the max number of assignments. Do as many as you'r normally do in three weeks, which is 100% not what we're getting. Boo you whores. Yes, I just quoted Mean Girls. Lyke, gAg Me WiTh A **sPoOn*** lol!!!1!! Damn it pisses me off how some folk type like that. Some folk need to go choke on a chubby.

Charlotte.com | 12/06/2005 | 'Holy' Funyun sells for $609

I'd say that's a bit of a stretch, Oh, and this pre-Christmas laziness in schools is a myth created by teachers to be the spawn of Satan and still look like nice people. More at eleven.

CNN.com - Farrelly brothers take on Special Olympics - Dec 9, 2005

Sounds like an episode of South Park(even though the idea for this movie came first). If it's anything like that episode, it will be good.

eBay: Star Wars ROTS c-3P0 Gift from whore ex-girlfriend
Oh, the hilarity!

"Oh the hilarity"? Wow, that sounds really lame. My parents were right, I do suck.

Bee-tee-double-you, Richard Pryor died, which means Comedy Central will have to stop showing the Richard Pryor "I ain't dead yet" show every freaking weekend.

CNN.com - Plane slides off runway at Midway - Dec 8, 2005

Airline industry obviously not doing so hot right now.

CNN.com - Man killed after bomb claim at airport - Dec 7, 2005

Pshaw. Moron.

X-MEN 3 Teaser

HOLY CRAP, BATMAN. CHECK IT OUT, BITCHEZorZ.

Say Goodbye To Doing The Dishes!

Log vs. Dishes

If only this had come up before Thanksgiving. Then I would have done less work than I already did. So really all that would have changed is that no one would have had a reason to remind me of how lazy and worthless and so much of a leech on society I am.

Algebra Was A Bloodbath Today

Currently Watching: What's Eating Gilbert Grape
So today in math, while busy not paying attention, I was picking at this scab on my finger. No big deal, minor masochism as usual. So I glance over at my paper and then back at my finger and it is COVERED IN BLOOD. I was all, "zomfg, t3h fingr is bloodey lololzorz holy crap!" Being the brilliant young man I am, I decide to wipe it on my hand instead of, say, getting a Band-Aid or something of the like. Moments later, I realize it is still bleeding profusely. Then I get another brilliant idea. PAINT MY HAND WITH BLOOD. AND I DID. WHAT A LITTLE GOTH BITCH.

SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD JENNA IS A KILLER. Or so the commercial that keeps coming on says. I hate this kid. She is a vicious killer. She killed her "friend" by slamming her 90-pound body into his seat during a car accident. All because he was black. What a bitch. Well, that's not really how it played out, but whatever. Wal-Mart, however, really is racist. They had this commercial where it was all, "We sell board games" and then it shows a kid playing Operation and it says "FUTURE BRAIN SURGEON". Then a kid playing Monopoly is declared a future entrepreneur. Here's the racist part. A black kid is playing Trouble. What is he? A future trouble-maker. Those racist bitches.

This movie would have been better if something ate Gilbert Grape at the end. Something really unlikely and random and such, like a banana. That would be funny because Gilbert Grape was eaten by a banana, the archnemesis of grapes.

Know what bothers me more than homework?

Currently Listening To: Hiphopper by Thomas Rusiak feat Teddybears Sthlm(Jay and Silent Bob soundtrack)
The realization that at some point, I have to start said homework. This wouldn't be so much of a problem if my dad and I didn't have to finish watching War of the Worlds. I suppose Ray wasn't such a bad father after all. He tried a considerable bit, to the best of his abilities. What a stand-up guy.

The Cave-In

Currently Listening To: Under Pressure by David Bowie and Queen/Queen and David Bowie(I don't know who goes first)

I've caved. I'm now going to actually talk about, like, politics and shit. But not for long, I promise. Well, I'm not actually going to talk about that boring stuff. But what I will do is say how I feel about various things.

• Abortion: Doesn't bother me. People seem to lose sight of the fact that legal abortions don't mean that everyone's going to kill their babies. Just the people who, for one reason or another, can't be pregnant/raide a child.
  
• Gay marriage: Doesn't bother me. Besides, they, for the most part, as I understand, just want it so they can get the same benefits as 'normal' couples. I can't disagree with that. And don't get started on that "It's against the Bible!" stuff, because there's freedom of religion and all that stuff, so one religion's law is no better than any other one. Yeah, yeah, how do you like me now?
  
• Iraq war: Shouldn't have gone in but we can't just drop everything and leave. But I definitely think we need to hurry it on up. From the sound of it, dem Iraqis aren't too happy with the way things are being run right now.
  
• Immigration: Don't care. If people who didn't have the best of lives want to come in and do jobs here better than the people who were doin them, so be it.
  
• Restless Leg Syndrome: A frightening epidemic we as a nation must not avoid any longer. KIDDING. Anyone who gets medicine for that is a whiny little biatch.
• Giant Jesus Statue: Unsightly. Besides, everyone knows that Jesus wasn't white.
  
• Bush: NOT an idiot. He just sucks at speaking. That, combined with his cowboy accent and questionable decision making just make him sound like a moron. And did you see that thing last week where he was leaving an interview, but the doors were locked? That was a nice save.
  
• Welfare: Good on paper, not so good in execution. I wish we could expand it further, like certain European countries, but people would without a doubt take advantage of it so they don't have to even look for a job even though they're capable, like in certain European countries. I am not making assumptions here, I know a particular person guilty of this.
  
• Kidnapping children to perform Satanic rituals on them to get your girl back: Doesn't bother me
  
• Scientology: The funniest thing to ever come out of Hollywood. Can't wait for the sequel. ALSO KNOWN AS... Don't do this to me, Tom Cruise. You were cool. Now... not so much.
  
• That bee that stung me earlier today: One sorry son of a bitch. I'm glad I killed him, he had it coming.

Oh, and ONE MORE THING. If I hear ANY more bitching about this "Happy Holidays" vs. "Merry Christmas" thing, I will kill someone. You know what's REALLY taking the meaning out of the holiday? Mobs at Wal-Mart for a mother fucking X-Box. I hope all you bastards rot.

CNN.com - Witness in Saddam Hussein trial dead - Nov 25, 2005

Sadaam is looking stylish, if I might say so myself. Those glasses are fairly trendy.

CNN.com - 1,000th execution slated for next week - Nov 24, 2005
Let's throw a party!

Aren't most magazines anti-Fascist to begin with?

No words to describe what I feel after reading this.

Oh, and Mr. Miyagi died. Well, that raps up today's evening news. I regret to inform you that you'll never get the minutes you spent reading that back, ever. Serves you right, mothah fuckaaaaaaaaahs.

And NOW For A Real Post

Currently Listening To:No Brakes by the Bravery
As an OFFICIAL Fat Kid, I should be thrilled it is Thanksgiving. What ,with all the food involved, it should be my favorite holiday. But it's not. Why? Because TURKEY SUCKS. I mean seriously, how can you people eat that crap? I'd rather eat sheep than turkey. But I eat it anyways, thus proving I'm a fat kid. I do, however, like just about everything else associated with Thanksgiving. Bread, stuffing, corn, mashed potatoes with gravy, pumpkin pie... That stuff is good. But not turkey. No turkey. Noturkey. Tofurkey.

That sucks too.

AND in other news, the fam and I went on a delightful little outing yesterday. The zoo, the Cyclorama and a few hours in Little Five Points. There was much drama, slong with excellent burgers, pandas, a cool record store, homeless people and veces being thrown(Damn gorillas). I'm not going to talk much about the drama, but I will say that it caused my parents to look at a recurring family issue from another perspective. Damn, that sounded emo. Speaking of which, my brother has found my weakness: calling me emo. Damn that pisses me off to no end. His definition, which he used to describe the term to my parents? RYAN. Damn, that pisses me off. I bought Ahead of the Lions and the Jay and Silent Bob soundtrack for TEN DOLLARS at that record store. Ick kass. I ate the best burger EVER at some place in Little 5 Points. I forgot the name of the place, but their trademark was the Chubby Burger. And the Chubby Burger kicked ass. Except I probably am going to have a heart attack because of eating it. And then... we... did some... other stuff, I guess. I kind of forgot. Whatevs.

The Emo Song

I love ytmnd.com. You're the man now, dog!
S'more for your Novemberween viewing pleasure:
Paris Hilton doesn't change facial expressions
ANIME IS ORIGINAL? (facial expression)
French riot lol
Conan is...RAIDEN
What is a ho?
Katamari Simpsonique
Commie Propoganda(I keed, I keed)
What is RLRLRLRLRGH?
***PLEASE NOTE***: If you've never been to ytmnd.com, you may not fully grasp the hilarity that it is. Go to the main page first and watch some of the all time faves listed, and then look at these.

www.myspace.com/februarysclosure

Some kids in my grade and a weird guy they know have a band. Tell me what you think.

Here, Have A Recycled Post

From last year:

I Always Felt Bad For Thanksgiving

It feels like people have Halloween and just jump straight on to Christmas. I mean, the day after Thanksgiving, it's the biggest shopping day of the year. Why is it the biggest shopping day of the year? Everyone is preping for Christmas. And there are songs and movies made for Christmas, to go along side all of the Christmas-special episodes of T.V. shows. What does Thanksgiving get? A parade and a fucking dog show. Who watches dog shows in the first place, besides people who participate in them? Anyways, I thought I'd rant for no reason and with very limited support for my bitching.


This is in anticipation for the leftovers from that thing... you know, the big holiday about a month before Christmas? Amish people and Indians, ro something. Whatever. It's no big deal.

"It ain't about no booty, it's about twisted transistors." -Snoop Dogg

Currently Listening To: Twisted Transistor by Korn
I just saw a picture on CNN.com of some Canadians outside a GM factory. They were all dressed like lumberjacks.

They really are all lumberjacks or mounties in the Great North. And if they aren't one of those, they play hockey or teach future lumberjacks, mounties and hockey players how to lumberjack, mounty or hockey. MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE.

Spooooooky

ABC Song

Just in time for the holiday season.

Jimbodia Online

Jimbodia now has a website. IF youare interested in obtaining a FREE title and seat on the Jimbodian parliament, call Jimbodia's national hotline. If you don't know the number, well, I dunno, it's usually in my AIM profile somwheres.

Log vs. Fax

Because there is no sun to power the Solar Death Ray... GRAVITY DEATH LOG IS BORN!

A Brilliant Scheme/New Half-Baked Idea

Currently Listening To:We'll Make It Away by Kid Down
I was reading about the micronation of Sealand and was simply inspired. I HAD to become involved. I figured I would buy one of the titles Sealand has for sale on eBay so I can be called Lord Ryan instead of just Ryan. That would look excellent on my college resume. But alas, the bastards are bringing me down. So I'll start my own nation. Jimbodia's area covers about 15 by 12 square feet and sits in northwest Georgia, just miles from Atlanta and it's magnificent airport. Prime Minister Ryan has been in power for, oh, fifteen minutes, just moments after being founded. He was appointed by Governer Ryan, who also holds a seat on Jimbodia's Parliament. The other members are Casey the guitar case, the Chicken Little bobble head on my computer and SexCouch.

CNN.com - AFI looking for 100 most inspiring films - Nov 18, 2005

I'm a bit disturbed that the Passion is on there. Regardless of your faith, that is NOT uplifting. At all. That's like, bondage and stuff disguised as Jesus. Wanna know a truly up lifting movie? Hide and Creep, one of the best zombie movies I saw today. The only zombie movie I saw today, but that's beside the point. It was basically Shaun of the Dead, in Alabama, without the serious parts. The romance either. And more boobs. And a penis shot for the ladies. Kinda like 28 Days Later. Well, not really. The only similarity between the two is the penis and the zombies. And they weren't really zombies in 28DL, they were angry people. So really the only thing the two have in common is a penis.
Funny how I segwayed from Jesus to penis.

CNN.com - Ex-CIA boss: Cheney is 'vice president for torture' - Nov 18, 2005
He says Cheney is out of touch with the American people. Well DURRRRRRRR. Guess what? He's a politician. Being out of touch with the other 99.99% of the country is in the job description. The only way to get 'with-it' politicians would be to do what they do in German. Have candidates' campaigns funded by the party, not by the candidate and their supporters. That way, people who aren't rich and are maybe better qualified can run. Then the world wouldn't be in the shitter.

Diary Of A Fat Kid

That's right, I'm linking to myself. I'm just that great.

I'm actually making another post to tell you dumb hicks about the NEW thing down at the bottom of the page, where you get to re-live all the photographic awesome-ness to ever occur here.

BBC NEWS | Entertainment | Arts | Literary classics become txt msgs

This weeks sign of the apocalypse.

I'm Worthless

Currently Listening To: Bombs Away by PAris Texas(REALLY want this CD for Decemberween)
That's right, I gave up on the Star Wars marathon. I decided it wouldn't be a good idea to sit on my ass for 15 hours, so I made a pact with my other personality to leave the romm and do something very quick upstairs after each movie. After Phantom Menace, it was get a bag of chips. After Attack of the Clones, it was take the chips back upstairs and brush my teeth. I did, saw the computer still on, and decided to check my e-mail and stuff(As usual, no one sent me an e-mail. Probably because no one knows I have an e-mail address.). That was 45 minutes ago. I get distracted very easily. Hey, I kicked ass on my exams. Finished the trimester with ONE B. FOUR A'S. HOLY SHIT, BATMAN, I AM TWELVE KINDS OF AWESOME. But worthless at the same time because I can't complete a simple task. I suppose I'd be more worthless if I, say, actually managed to watch TV for 15 hours straight, but whatever. Maybe I'm not worthless after all.

A Daunting Task

Currently Listening To: Head Like A Hole by Nine Inch Nails
There will likely not be a new post tomorrow, as I will be busy. From about 9 a.m. to midnight, I will be in the spooky basement, watching the ENTIRE Star Wars saga. Fifteen hours of nerdiness. Actually, I may start even earlier so the undesirables don't claim the T.V. first. So maybeI can wrap up by ten or eleven. I guess we'll see. I must say, this whole setting goals (I've wanted to do this for a while) is quite fun.

Now for some whining, because I know you love it. It's the possible part of a many-post arc of complaining about how the system at our school doesn't work. Let's start with, say, the department/department head portion. Oh, it's a great idea in theory. All the teachers in each department serve directly under one teacher deemed to be champion of the subject at hand, who keeps the other schlubs in check. But in one case that I'm well aware of, this isn't what is happening. This department is the one directly above the cafeteria, where students are lectured about dead people. Yeah, that one. Anyways, a CERTAIN teacher who is the head of the department also happens to teach three of the four available honors classes in there. "Where is the problem?" you ask. Well, my friend, the problem lies in the question of who keeps that teacher in check? How does one sort out issues with teachers through the department head when the departmen head is the teacher there's an issue with? How can one bring the problem with the fact that this teacher doesn't seem to want kids to succeed when you'd be talking about him, to him? You CAN'T. This is NOT GOOD. In fact, I'd go as far as saying it is bad. I think the root of the problem is teachers with rough school careers when they were students and now have power complexes. I don't know that this is the case for a fact, but it wouldn't suprose me. Treaty poorly by his peers so he passes the revenge along to a new generation.

That was fun.

IOL: Van Damme wanted to fight terrorism

I just got a little dumber. Duuuuummmmmmmerrrr

CNN.com - Kazakhstan threatens to sue comedian - Nov 15, 2005

2 things: A)Who has an agenda against Kazacrapastan? and 2)Why? Who cares about them? I'd say they suck, but I don't care enough about them to do so. And 3), Ali G is a bad ass. I fink someone 'ere has a genda 'gainst me boy Ali G.

CNN.com - 'Cool mom' gets 30 years for sex parties - Nov 15, 2005
She doesn't look very cool. I wouldn't go to one of her parties. Damn.

Halfway done with exams. I say halfway becuase history counts as two. Funny I should say that, as I should be studying for that right now, but alas, I am not.

Moon Unit Zappa tops celebrity children bizarre names poll - Yahoo! News

2 things: A) Moon Unit is a great name, and 2) Why didn't Pirate make the list?

I'm A Fatty

If you don't believe me, just ask my chair.

I Love Celebrities

Currently Listening To:Your Woman by White Town
Like Madonna, who thinks so highly of herself that after the release party of her new CD had the copy of the CD that was played at the party destroyed so it wouldn't 'fall into the wrong hands'. That's like when Colplay's new CD was about to come out and all the journalists who wanted to review it had to listen to it on an iPod in a locked glass case in a room with armed guards. I'm glad to see that all these artists are simply doing it to express themselves and not to make money.

Still in high school, teen is Hillsdale's new mayor

What a friggin' badass. It's a shame that damn school will get in the way of all the mayoral keg parties.

Me Actually Caring About Football For Once

Currently Watching: Life Is Beautiful (Check it out)


Don't expect a repeat. Now I'm going to talk about people who have realized that they and their day-to-day lives have no impact whatsoever on the world and then decide that that means they need to be mean to kids. These people are namely people who work at schools. Let's face the facts; librarians, bus drivers and lunch ladies aren't exactly jobs that only a select few are cut out for. Most people could do it. To make sure their employers don't realize this, and in the case of the librarians, that their jobs serve no purpose at all, they pretend that they and their jobs are important and the ability to perform the jobs are a unique trait that is only attibuted to one in a million humans. What does this mean for you? Send a letter to your Congressman requesting that all mean librarians named Mrs. **** have their jobs terminated because Mrs. **** is mean and pretends that her job matters and is difficult, but it doesn't and it isn't.

THERE IS AN INTERNATIONAL CONSPIRACY BREWING AT MY SCHOOL

TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS
Every day, the bell for the start of zeroth period goes off a few seconds earlier and the bell for the end rings a little bit later. End of coach class bell? A little earlier every day. Time between beginning and end of break? Gradually shrinking. Bell for end of history(OH SO BORING)? Later every day. What's happening? The Man is trying to erradicate his nemesis: free time. WE'RE FUCKED.

CNN.com - Slain Palestinian boy's organs donated - Nov 7, 2005

That's... nice... I suppose. Is that nice? I don't know, you tell me.

Do You Feel Like A Chain Store

Currently Listening To: All These Things That I've Done by the Killers, who pale in comparison to the Bravery...
...who I saw in concert last night, opening for Depeche Mode. When I saw the Stones in concert last month, my parents were like, "The Stones' show will be the best show you ever see, no matter what." Well whadda ya know, at the very next concert I saw, my second concert, it was 1000x times better. First of all, we paid a third as much for tickets yet were much closer to the stage. Second, a lot less old people. Third, almost no rednecks in sight(The same can't be said for Jarhead. Thanks for ruining it, you redneck assholes.). Fourth, BOOBS, that's right, BOOBS. And not like drunk chicks flashing their boobies at me for money, it was a huge shot of a nakers chick for the background during one of the songs Depeche Mode sang, of which I knew... two. Personal Jesus and Enjoy the Silence. I don't think I'll ever hear a better song in concert than Personal Jesus. It was just... FAWESOME. Totally fawesome. The Bravery kicked twelve kinds of ass by playing like everything but the two songs I don't like. AND I got a t-shirt, some stickas and some stolen 99x stuff, though I doubt they miss it.

Oh, I saw and eppy of Firefly on TV on Friday night. It was pretty much exactly like the movie as far as production values go, but the SFX were obviously much cheaper.

I went to a suprise party yesterday, and thanks to the brilliance of everyone who ever lived, I got there ONE HOUR EARLY. It's okay, I walked around a while and looked shady. Dropped some damn good pizza pizzaz on the ground.

For All You Trendy Folk

Currently Watching: Batman Begins
There's that facebook thing. Sign up if you are a nerd and need a website to make you feel like you have friends. By the way, you have to be INVITED, so it is like double trendy. It's like an exclusive club that doesn't allow friendless people. Sounds like fun, eh? EH?
CNN.com - Cruise liner fends off pirate attack - Nov 5, 2005
The pirates are back, the pirates are back!

I WANTED VIKINGS, DAMMIT.

Oh, and about that kid I was talking about yesterday, and how he thinks he's hotshit and all that good stuff? He proved me right today. Man, I hate that asshole.

If there's one thing I learned throughout my whole life...

Currently Listening To: You Could Have It So Much Better by those crazy Scottish guys
...If there was only one useful thing I learned in life, it is "Shut the fuck up". That's right, don't talk. When all else fails, shut up. Don't want to upset someone? Don't want to sound like a fucking moron? Don't want to get int trouble? Don't want anything to eat? Don't talk. It's that simple. If only more people knew that, namely the majority of the kids in my classes. If I were like a scribe or some shit like that and I were writing down everything said in all my classes, most sentences and questions said by kids would start off with "Derr..." so whoever was reading would know that the speaker is an absolute dumbass and not to pay any attention to whatever is being said. The two biggest sources of this are chorus(from certain freshmen who need to be sterilized) and English(my dad said to expect stupid people in non-honors classes, but without a doubt my stupidest class is Eng. honors. I want to hang myself just about everyday in there. Like today, we somehow got on the subject of the Zulu tribe in Africa and Mr. Murray asked if any of us had seen the movie "Zulu" and this one girl says "Zoolander? I LOVE that movie". How people like her got into honors is beyond me, because she doesn't do too spectacularly on the tests either). That was a long parenthesis. Damn.

Then there's this kid who thinks he's hot shit. He is, if by hot shit you mean dog crap on a summer day and not in the "cool guy" sense. I'm going to leave it at that, so that it won't come back to bite me in the ass... ever. It feels good to get that off my chest.

If they're only two things I learn in life, it's the aforemention and that if your wife ever asks you if you slaughtered a Jedi council room full of toddlers, don't say they deserved it. And I'll leave it at that.

ABC News: Banned at the schoolhouse door: pint-size ghosts and goblins

Fall-O-Ween... Comic gold!

By the way, did you know Georgia has a law against people above the age of 18 trickatreating? What utter bullshit. I'll keep doing it until the day I die. And I still plan on trick or treating this weekend.

I'm going to start trick or treating more often. Like, every Friday night. This was awesome. Except for all those bastards who are all, "Aren't you a little old/fat to be trick or treating?" So I burn their houses down.

What a fuggin' moron

Ooh, the 'blogosphere', fancy. You whore.

Sesame Street Gets Political

sesame_street_tokyo_metro
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.

Those bastards

CNN.com - Hundreds arrested during Halloween bash - Oct 30, 2005

Unlawful assembly? It was a friggin' Halloween party for God's sake. Pepper spray? Ridiculous.
Now here's something that's actually funny. A kid burned a trailer down... by accidnet... with a flaming sack or dog crap. Oh my God, that little redneck is a moron, and I love him for it.

CNN.com - Hurricane Beta makes landfall in Nicaragua - Oct 30, 2005

But everyone knows who the real champ here is: VHS
CNN.com - 4 fraternity members sentenced in hazing death - Oct 30, 2005
But we're MADE of water. I don't know, it's just something about this sounds ridiculous. Poisoned by water. WATER. Damn, son.
GASP! A good smell! Call the fuzz!
shittyblogs.com- It is my new life's dream to be featured on this site. I'd get so many more hits, and they'd all be haters, which is a definite plus. Hey, I'm an attention whore. S'not like that's a bad thing. Well, it's not like it's terrible. Okay, who am I kidding, it isn't good at all but whatever.

I rented Taxi last night, because they had ZERO copies of House of Wax at Blockbuster. You've got a hundred copies of Robots in and a sign that says it's guaranteed to be in stock, but House of Wax is COMPLETELY out and they didn't have a guarantee. How's that for poor decision making? And what's with the total of five copies of Unleashed? Surely that'd be more popular than some of the other drek they've got in there. Of course, it shouldn't really matter to me because I bought Unleashed last weekend, but that's beside the point. Blockbuster it surning into a smaller scaled Wal-Mart. They put the other video stores out of business and then limit what you can buy and rent, like how they always go for JUST the unrated version of movies that have one, except for Team America, which they ONLY stocked the rated version. Why not let people choose? And what's the deal with the 'youth-restricted viewing' movies? If a kid has gotten the Blockbuster on his/her own, his/her parents probably aren't too concerned with what he's watching, considering they weren't too concerned with where he's going. That's not to say they're bad parents but you're probably quite bored by this so I'll stop talking now.

What Exactly Is Punk?

Just kidding, I don't really know anything about being punk. I mean, just look at my little photo. I look like a little dumbass with that 'I know everything' smirk. I just wanna go bash that kid's face in.

Wait, that's me? Holy crap.

What Your Underwear Says About You

When you're bad, you're very bad. And when you're good, you're still trouble! You're not afraid to lay around resting your hand in your pants.

The Underwear Oracle

I know the last time I posted one of these I got a negative reponse, but this was just so true that I had to post it.

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Bullet Bullet Your Superpower is Genetic engineering Your Weakness is Jealousy Your Weapon is Your Power Throwing Stars Your Mode of Transportation is Camel

What's your Superhero Name?

Your 1920's Name is:

Linus Gerhard

What's Your 1920's Name?

Sorry you had to endure that.

CNN.com - CIA probe 'not over' after Cheney's top aide indicted - Oct 28, 2005

'Today is a sad day for me.'

Hmmm, maybe you, say, shouldn't have done something wrong if you didn't want to get into any trouble. But no, that would make sense. Besides, you're above the law, right? I HATE YOU.

And then there was the guy from Star Trek who said he's gay. I, of course, don't care, because no matter how hard I try, I can't watch Star Trek.

CNN.com - Report: Jolie says she wants more kids - Oct 27, 2005

"Muahahahahaha! Now my collection of children from around the world is complete!"

Dane, I have one question. You woke up at 9 o'clock today. You live about 50 feet from the science building, yet you still managed to miss chemistry at 9:20 this morning. The whole, entire period. What were you doing that entire time?

And what is up with that redneck dorm student I was talking to today? What's the deal with ALL the freshmen dorm students? They're the most effed up bunch of kids I've ever met. Kids who can't comprehend "big" words, kids who think only those damn yankees use "big" words, kids who have enormous lips and anime addictions and kids who look like Bobby Hill. I don't ever use these fancy internet acronyms but, WTF?

Bastille-French for "Why are you stabbing me? I just released you from prison!"

CNN.com - Sex offenders ordered home early on Halloween - Oct 25, 2005

Sounds like a plan, eh?

The Bi-Polarness of the Weather Is REALLY Pissing Me Off

Currently Watching: I Love The 80's 3-D(These shows reproduce like bunnies)
So this morning it was 40 degrees and now I'm wearing a t-shirt and boxers and I'm still burning up. I was going to say "And I'm still hot", but that's just too easy. So anyways, weather, what the fuck? Are you having emotional issues or some shit like that? Quit it, bitch.

Every year, around Christmas, I get some disease that busts me out of school for a few days. Quite convenient, despite not being intentional. Probably has to do with that thing where if you can visualize yourself sick, then you become sick. I hate school so much that I actually manage to notice that I feel like shit around X-mas. Anyways, this year, I think I'll get the avion flu. That's right, I'll learn how to fly this winter.

I came up with a great idea for a movie. Whenever I do that, I end up seeing a commercial for the movie two months later. If I tell people, the idea will be stolen. If I don't tell people, by some kind of Hollywood magic, it still gets stolen. So here's the plan. Send the idea to a rice farmer in China. He sure as shit won't be able to do anything abouts it.
[EDIT]
I was watching Arthur earlier (Because I'm that cool) and then they started playing REM. I've never been more impressed in my life.

Online Phys Ed Takes Hold in Minneapolis

What is the world coming to?

CNN.com - 'Mr. England' bemuses Alabama locals - Oct 23, 2005

And we wonder why people think Americans are stupid.

Movies That Shouldn't Have Been Made

Currently Watching: Crap

1. Saw II
2. Legend of Zorro

Funny, those both happen to be next week's big releases. I can tell you exactly what they will be like without even seeing them. Saw II- two hours of people screaming and disturbing, unnecesary gore. Well, I wouldn't really say any gore is necesary in movies, considering that movies aren't necesary, people just like them. So I should say the gore is... Just trying to be EDGY. Push the envelope of R ratings, y'know? Don't bother with it. And Zorro? An hour and a half of Antonio Banderas fighting people and that little piece of shit kid trying to be cute by saying cutesy little one liners. In a word, SHIT. I'll probably just say home and hang out and watch some shit for free on TV. While we're on the subject of movies, I think they should start making R-rated kids' movies. Can you imagine Aladdin getting high on opium, or Shrek and that other green lady porking like rabbits? That would be awesome. I'd watch kiddy movies again if they did that.

My Package

As promised

Movie Collection Pt. 1

Movie Collection Pt. 1
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.

Movie Collection Pt. 2

Movie Collection Pt. 2
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.

New stuff this weekend

CNN.com - Officials seize sex offender's baby - Oct 22, 2005

Does the wording in the title sound weird to any of you? They seized the baby... I dunno, just sounds weird. Like if they had said they repo'd the baby or something. I would have said 'put in state custody' or something like that. It osunds like they used a batter ram to knock down the door the a fort ot something. "We're inside the baby, I repeat, we're inside the baby." "The baby is under seige." Shit, I got seige and seize confused. Shit. I suck. Did you know that? I think I'm going to go find the digital camera and take pictures of my package.

I was just reading in the paper...

Currently Listening To: What Gives My Son? by Ned's Atomic Dustbin
About this guy. This guy had severely misplaced priorities. He wanted a motorcycle. His wife agreed... As long as he got a vasectomy to go along with it. I wasn't quite sure what a vasectomy was, but I had an idea of what it was, and as I searched for the definition on Google, I hoped and prayed that it wasn't what I thought it was. It was. The guy got himself sterilized. FOR A BIKE. Two problems here: A.) He wanted a bike so much that he'd have himself sterilized and 2.) He admitted it in the news paper. I'd say at least 1 million people read the AJC on a regular basis, and someone he knows HAD to have seen it. I sure as hell wouldn't want to admit that I was so whipped by my wife and so desperate for a motorcycle that I'd do something as radical as getting a vasectomy. If she doesn't want children so much, she should have gotten her tubes tied. What a bitch.

We went to the Sharper Image last night and blew about an hour in there. They have so much cool crap that no one really needs in there. I mean, a little dog that shakes his head to your music? A rotating DVD tower? All the different variations of massage chairs? WHO NEEDS THIS CRAP? No one, but I want it. SO MUCH CRAZY CRAP, SO LITTLE TIME. That should be their slogan. Except they'd have to change TIME to MONEY, because that shit is expensive.

If you love it so much, why don't you marry it?

Hour And A Half Anniversary Special Edition Post!


I think I just might. Massachusetts, here I come.

Don't you just love my dopey smile?

P.S.: On this week's edition of stuff to be banned: CROCS. Nothing left to be said, just look at the picture.

The Difference between Canada and the United States

My opinion of NinjaPirate is a love-hate cycle. Right now, I love him. Now, I hate him. THAT BASTARD!

CNN.com - Vitale slaying suspect charged with murder - Oct 21, 2005

Dear sweet Jesus, look at his yearbook picture! I know this sounds kind of ignorant, but he just LOOKS like a psycho.

What a great idea for a toy

Choke the chicken? What the hell? Aren't kids a little young for that? What's next, Easybake oven beat-the-meat playset?

[EDIT]

Land of the Dead, Mallrats, Batman Begins, Sahara, Zoolander the Soundtrack, Candyass by Orgy and God Fodder by Ned's Atomic Dustbin all arrived today, which makes me a happy little boy.

[EDIT McEDIT]

I bought Van Wilder, Unleashed and Unemplyment by Kaiser Cheifs today, thus proving that I am a spoiled little fatass rich bitch.

Waiting Is Easily The Funniest Movie Of All Time

Currently Watching: Degrassi Junior High (lyke, omfg spiek is pregnint!!!!!!!!)
This was the feel good movie of the year... If penis and vagina jokes make you feel good.

Holy shit, Waiting was the greatest movie I've seen in a while. Funniest movie I've ever seen, like I just said you senile piece of shit. Now I know every little bitch in town is going to say, "Oh, you kids today! Such-and-such comedy from the 70's or 80's is the funniest movie ever. Waa waa waa, I'm a little bitch."
I have never laughed so hard in a movie. For serious. There's this one scene towards the end (I can't say what because the sheer out-of-the-blueness of it makes it that much better/disgusting) and my dad and I laughed for at least 5 minutes afterwards. Andy Milonakis was funny too. And now, because I'm a nerd and I suck, a list of all the movies I've seen this year in theaters:

1. Assault on Precinct 13- Kuh-kuh-kuh-kuh-kick ass
   
2. Robots- shitty
3. Sahara- good
4. Kung Fu Hustle- Double-you tee eff? good. I mean, can anyone tell me what this movie was about?
   
5. House of Wax- good/disturbing. People's fingers being cut off=nasty, Paris Hilton's death scene=classic
   
6. Revenge of the Sith- God in film form
7. Unleashed- best drama-type movie I've EVER seen. Because it was an action movie, not a drama-type movie
   
8. Hitchhiker's Guide- Hirarious
   
9. Madagascar- SHIT. PURE SHIT.
   
10. Mr. and Mrs. Smith- Eh.
    
11. Batman Begins- Muy bueno
    
12. Land of the Dead- OH MY GOD THIS WAS THE SINGLE GREATEST MOVIE EVER
    
13. War of the Worlds- Good, good
    
14. Fantastic Four- What was expected
    
15. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory- Weird. Disturbing. Good at the same time
16. Stealth- Don't listen to what the movie snobs say, stuff blowing up and Jessica Biel in tight clothes DO make a movie
17. The Island- YAY! Better than movie snobs would have you believe
    
18. Red Eye- Good
    
19. Transporter 2- Nice, dumb action movie
    
20. Flightplan- Yeah, good
    
21. Serenity- Excellente
22. Waiting- YOU SIR, ARE SENILE
    

Holy crap, I went to the movies a lot this year. Like, at least 2 movies each month. That's a shit load.

Crazy Old Guy Kills Homelessman and Is Oblivious About It

You're right, I am an ass. Sorry.

Excellent Deal On Stereos

Just 300 nanners!

ScienTOMogy.info

Why would anyone want to shut this down?

CNN.com - 4 Fox shows named worst for families - Oct 19, 2005
They seemed to have gotten "Shows with characters who are children" mixed up with "shows marketed towards children". The Playboy channel still broadcasts while children are awake. Why didn't it make the last too? And HBO? Know why? Because good parents don't let their kids watch shows if they think the children are being corrupted. The three shows at the top of the list have the TV-14 logo at the beginning of them. That gives me the impression chillins aren't the intended audience.

CNN.com - Mayor: Nazis had right to march in neighborhood - Oct 17, 2005

As big of douchebags white supremacists are, - oh, wait, there's nothing else to say. They're hateful douchebags and they suck.

IT'S EFFING COLD

Currently Listening To:Burning Down the House by the Talking Heads
Okay... So, Diary of a Fat Kid. Yay or nay? I think it would be more fitting. Thoughts of a Fat Kid, Adventures of a Fat Kid, I don't know, Some whiny kid is just getting old. I suppose I'd get feedback if anyone actually read this, but whatever.

And I may change my moniker to Antoine Scoffney, though none of you would get it.

Currently Listening To: Kill Your Television by Ned's Atomic Dustbin
The Stones concert was mucho fun-o. The concert itself was great, but the EXTREMELY drunk couple in front of us was even better. I swear, if they hadn't left early to go have sex in the bathroom, the woman would have tumbled all the way down to the first row, which would have been a colossal drop, considering how high up we were. Watching the lighting guy climb from the are where the stage was up a rope ladder to the big screen in the middle of the roof was pretty funny too. Well, not funny, but interesting. You couldn't pay me enough to do that. Wilco, the opening band, was pretty good too. I smelled pot for the first time last night. I don't think I'll ever become a stoner because it smelled like shit. Haha, stoners at a Stones concert. Oh, and there were these evangelist guys standing outside yelling at everyone. "You save no time for Jesus with all the entertaining yourselves you do! Football games, Mercedes-Benz, Rolling Stones concert, but no time for Jesus!" And then this guy yells back at him, "You're goddamn right!" And then this one guy was pointing at the arena and saying "Whoremongers, homosexuals and hypocrites to my left!" I couldn't help but wonder why he didn't go left, too? Because he was a huge fucking hypocrite and I had to fight hard to resist the urge to throw him over a tall building. Way to be a freaking parrot, asshole.

Wow, that was a nice little rant, now wasn't it? Funny how I went from The stones to stoners to evangelist assholes.

I Am Technologically Inept

On Amazon, with the thing where you buy from individual people instead of the Man, I decided to buy a lot of cheap CDs from just this one guy to save on shipping. I figured in the end, they'd say "Buy everything in cart" and everything would be dandy. But that's evidently not how it works. So in about two weeks, I will recieve FIVE packages from one guy. And it will end up costing about 10 dollars more than it should. That's what I get for trying to save money. Spending more money. OH, THE IRONY. At least I think that's the definition of irony.

• Oh, and I found my wallet. Linos had it and didn't bother to tell me until two days after finding it. !!!!!! Many exclamation points JUST FOR YOU!
• Oh, an Steve Jobs sent me a replacement iPod today. A new iPod for $30 bucks? CRAZY.
• Oh, and I'm thinking about changing the name of the site to "Diary of a Fat Kid". What do you think?
• Oh, and Elizabethtown looks like the worst movie EVAH. Even worse than the clam chowdah in the caf today, which was pretty bad considering the lack of, say, clams. Anyways, don't see Lamezabethtown or they might get the impression that more of movies like that need to be made.
• Which they don't.
  

99x Needs To Die

Currently Listening To: Grey Cell Green by Ned's Atomic Dustbin
So Rob and I were listening to what I would have called the only decent radio station in Atlanta an hour ago on the ride home when this kid calls in to request a song. He didn't know the name, but he knew part of the chorus, and guessed that that was the song. The DJ said he'd never heard of it and asked if he could sing it. He did. The kid then asked if he's play it and the guy hung up(AND said he didn't like kids). I knew the song, but couldn't remember the name. 10 seconds later, it came to me and Rob said I should call the station and tell them the name. As usual, I had another plan. When the DJ actually picked up, I decided to not try and be macho or anything. I just said he was unfair to the kid. We argued for about thirty seconds about it when he said I was breaking up. I could hear him clearly. The asshole lies through his teeth. I replied, "Yeah, I bet you can't hear me." He responded something along the lines of 'motherfucker'. That's when I got pissed. I told him he was a worthless piece of shit and I hoped he would get hit by a fucking bus and hung up on him. My brother said he was proud of me, so I felt even better about totally getting one up on some virgin-asshole-late-night DJ. Made me feel better after losing my wallet, $56, learner's permit and all. Oops.

CNN.com - 'Chewbacca'�to become an American - Oct 13, 2005

Being known as Chewbacca is probably about as bad as being known as Tom Cruise' Cousin. Yes, there is a guy who is called that. He was in the movie Swordfish. The commercial said," Starring John Travolta, Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry and Tom Cruise' Cousin." That would really suck a nut.

New iPod... Feel Free To Cry With Me

Three new iPods in what, a month? Super-capitalistic whores. Steve Jobs has lied to us all. He said iPods are supposed to be used passively, not actively. As in, you're supposed to be able to do other stuff with them, which is why none of the other ones had movies and such on them. Well you can just go to hell you effing hypocrite.


Oh, and the PSAT is a skanky whore. Three hours of shitty. Let me tell you what.

CNN.com - Mom delivers 16th child, thinking of more - Oct 12, 2005
They won't want as many when they can't afford to raise all thems chillin's and have to start eating them. Like gerbils. Gerbils pop 'em out like this lady, too. I wonder if she has one of those giant wheels in her house.
Georgia Tech student arrested after confessing to making a bottle bomb that led to evacuation - News - MSNBC.com
Now when my folks talk about how brilliant Georgia Tech students are, I'll believe them much less.

Bush CARES About Black People

Michael Moore HUNGRY
OMG, Secret Nazi Forest!
How's that for fair and balanced? I knocked Bush, Moore and trees all in one post. Now watch me take on those damn Scandanavians!
A-Ha Rly
And those crazy Scientologists!
Tom Cruise Kills Oprah

I'm like butter; I'm on a roll.

By the way, if you know the name of the song from the Nazi forest one, PLEASE tell me. I'd search the lyrics but I can't really pick out any words seeing as I can only say "I'm a Berliner" in German.

All Is Well Except...

Currently Listening To:I Predict A Riot

SPANISH IS KICKING MY ASS RIGHT NOW

And all you bitches need to go see Serenity NOW so they will make many sequels to this orgasmic piece of beautimus movie-ness.

Things that need to be banned:

• Not seeing Serenity.
  
• Serenity not doing well at the box office.
• People not liking Serenity.

Serioiusly, go see this spectacle of ass-kickery in American cinema. Oh, and Steve Jobs is forgiven. I'd say why, but I hate admiting that I was wrong. What, did I say I was wrong? No, I meant I was misinformed. Whores.

CNN.com - They can't stop playing video games - Oct 7, 2005

CNN.com - Bible group spreads word by SMS - Oct 6, 2005
This is about to the point where everyone just needs to launch their WMDs and destroy the world so it can start over. Things have seriously gotten out of hand and they will get worse. I'd say living in caves is better than dying in internet cafes. There is, however, hope:
CNN.com - 'Starved' gets the ax - Oct 7, 2005


TEN AND TWO!
I actually started driving today. I really don't think I'm liking this whole driving lesson thing. Here's how I think it should be done: Put new drivers one at a time in a huge open space where they can't really break anything and let them figure it out on their own. No obnoxious parents shouting stupid driving slang and no smart-ass siblings smirking in the back seat. GUESS WHAT: NO ONE WAS LAUGHING AT YOU WHEN YOU WERE LEARNING, ASSHOLE, SO YOU CAN JUST SHUT THE HELL UP.

Damn, I'm pissed.

I Can Drive Now

I don't think I can last until the new Franz Ferdinand CD arrives on my doorstep. I may have to go kill someone to pass the time. Or conquer a small island nation.

The War of the Worlds Re-Enacted in 30 seconds By Bunnies.

The Teenage Liberation Handbook: How to Quit School and Get a Real Life and Education

Sounds interesting enough.

Photograph shows a snake that burst trying to eat an alligator

Sweet.

A Note To Steve Jobs

GO TO HELL.

My iPod is broken. Well, not broken to the point where it can't direct me to Apple's website where I get to pay 100 bucks to ship it off to China for a diagnostic. You asshole.

2 and 1/2 until I am 15 and can drink... in cool countries.

CNN.com - DeLay foresees return to leadership role - Oct 2, 2005

Tom Delay is a skanky whore and will make your dreams come true for two shiny pennies.


Actually, I hardly even know who the hell he is. Some incarnation of the Man, I assume.

Currently Listening To: The Garbage They Show On T.V. These Days
This week to be banned:

• People with oddly spelt names. You've got your Jaymee's, your Kayti's, your Lorin's. I even saw a Jayk today. It's sickening. How fucking hard is it to spell a kid's name right on the GD birth certificate? What the hell is wrong with you people? This is where the whole netspeak bullshit came from. Dumbass parents who spell their kids' names wrong. Thanks a lot assholes.
• I also hate rednecks who name their kids things like Angel, Liberty, ones like that. Names that aren't really names. They're things.
  
• Double names piss me off too. Mary Katherine, Christy Anne, that type of shit. Notice a pattern? Redneck do all of these.

By the way, it is now October. 3 days until I turn 15, and that Green Day song should be done with.

Oh, and Carlos Mencia? I was wrong. He does suck. He would be much funnier if he weren't trying to piss people off, and was just doing it naturally. But no, every other one of his words is wetback or beaner, because you don't need funny jokes when you've got racial slurs. Sometimes, he is funny. But it would be about 100% funny without all the racial slurs. It just shows that he's trying too hard to be... EDGY.

Cosgrove In A Skirt, Among Other Things

Currently Listening To: I Turn My Camera On by Spoon
Recap of yesterday:

1. I was wrong about Janisse Ray. She is a godless, tree hugging commie, for which I love her. Seriously. It takes a pair to go to the buckle of the Bible belt, admit to being a godless, tree hugging commie(except the commie part) and then try to hold people's attention. Very few people liked her speech, but I did. That being said, I don't think her plan will work. The number of people who will actually stop shopping at chain stores altogether, grow all their own food, buy a hybrid car and order more effecient appliances from Sweden is much smaller than the number who will even stop to entertain the idea. But nice try.
2. Hella, hella long pep rally. What the hell was that? Everyone had left before it ended. Maybe people would have been interested if it wasn't like an hour long and the announcer wasn't really obnoxious. "More cheer than a laundry factory"? What the hell? Laundry factories? Damn, some people are stupid. Like the person who decided we should sing the fight song at the pep rally. The fight song no one at our school knows. Or the person who decided to make the pep rally mandatory. People like doing things less when they are mandatory. Like how people would rather jump out of a burning building and die rather than burning to death. People want to have control over their painful and agonizing death.
3. Met my younger(not youngest) sister's little 'boyfriend' and all of my sister's friends. It seems like the 6th graders this year are more mature looking than the 7th and 8th graders. Some of them looked like freshman. I mean, holy shit Batman. They call me Fuzzy because of my shitty haircut.
4. The play. It was the best play I've ever seen. It was also the second play I've ever seen. And I didn't see all of it. I would like to issue an appology to everyone who was in the play for falling asleep for about an hour during it. It wasn't boring, I was just tired. At 4 PM.
5. Hanging out with those crazy dorm students. Ker-azy. And that one annoying freshman. Freshwoman. Whatever.
6. The football game. This is where the Cos was spotted in a skirt. Not a kilt. He was wearing a cheerleading outfit. Here's why: Every week, popular-type juniors and seniors dress up in random costumes(Bleacher creatures) and come to the football game and get attention and get everyone in the crowd riled up. Lately, lesser beings on the food chain, like Cosgrove have been dressing up to, trying to fit in with the cool kids. Cosgrove even went as far as to make fun of 'poser' bleacher creatures, not realizing that he himself is one. That's right, I said it. Quit trying. Anyways, we lost the game. Well, they lost. I shouldn't say we because I am not on the team. I didn't contribute at all to the effort so I cannot take credit by saying we. And the other team, whose mascot is a dragon, had this huge wodden cut out of a dragon that spat out fire every time they got the ball. It looked like it was going to start a large forest fire that would've made Janisse Ray sick. And the little town the school is in was really poor and depressing. If you're ever feeling down, travel to Lindale, GA and see just how bad things could be.

So that's about the extent of it.

CNN.com - Police: Killers target immigrants - Oct 1, 2005

First the energy-saving holidays, now this. I sure am proud to live in Georgia. Hey, asshole, you're ancestors were immigrants too. I wish some Indians shot them full of arrows 200 years ago so we wouldn't have to hear about your sorry ass killing people who wnated a better life for themselves and their families.
Kansas Mayor Offended By Card
Considering this is the first and probably last bit of news from Topeka this decade, the card is right.

CNN.com - Wildfire forces hundreds to evacuate - Sep 29, 2005

SAVE THEM, JANISSE RAY.

Tomorrow, my Lord and savior, Janisse Ray, will enlighten and grace us with her knowledge when she comes to speak at our school. I can garuntee that I will be paying close attention, taking notes and learning to become the best tree hugger I can be, and not sleeping or thinking about beautiful women.

CNN.com - Jews condemn Southern Baptist effort - Sep 29, 2005
I love Jews. Always have. Now I know why.

My fifth grade sister has three boyfriends. She broke up with number four today... because he was cheating. Of course, since they're in 5th grade, cheating simply means that he had another girlfriend and nothing more. Still, funny none the less.

Happy 16th, Clay.

CNN.com - Penguins stay snug and secure in minefields - Sep 27, 2005

I can't wait until some fatasspenguins comes along and blows them all to hell. I know that sounds a little sadistic, but it would be pretty funny. Funny like when Morroco offered 100,000 monkeys for the war in Iraq. They wanted them to be used to detonate land mines. Animals being blown up by land mines is fuuuuuunny!

CNN.com - Smith gave alleged courthouse shooter drugs - Sep 27, 2005
Funny how it went from 'God helped me' to 'crystal meth helped me'. Angels do not come in hillbilly heroin form. Sorry, bitch. I'm glad I never invested any pity into you.

If Christopher Walken runs for President in 2008, I'd throw away my vote for him. If Ben Affleck runs for senator of whatever state he lives in, I will cry. Affleck is the not-good.

Threadless T-Shirts - Mona Prankster, by Herman Lee
Someone buy me this. Preferably by October the Xth.

...I Think I'm A Sofa

Currently Watching: Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy
To compensate for the fact that none of my other birthday presents will arrive until a month after my birthday, I was allowed to open the one package not from Amazon today. It was the movie I'm watching now, The Life Aquatic and The Hole. Damn you, George Lucas, damn you straight to hell for setting a November 1st release date.

I have some cramming to do tonight. Not for a test, but for an orthodontist appointment. I haven't worn my retainer for 6 months, give or take. Whoops. If they say I need braces again, I'll just end my orthodontic career. Orthodontia is total bullshit. My teeth are fan-fucking-tastic, I don't need any work done on them. Asshole.

And my apologies for the last post. I suppose UD does suck for anything other than awesome pictures. Don't expect a UD post ever again.

CNN.com - Georgia school closure tests parents' patience - Sep 26, 2005

If there were an election held in Georgia for governer right now, Sonny Perdue would get zero votes. Well, he'd get one vote for every high school student over the age of 18. He is the most hated man in Joja.

I Certainly Hope Jesus Isn't Your Homeboy If That's What It Means

Do not have man sex with Jesus. Period.

Currently Watching: A Nightmare On Elm Street
Things that should be banned, aside from Sugar, We're Going Down and that song about September:

1. Shirts that say "I love nerds". Anyone who wears one is likely lying, because if they really loved nerds instead of just saying they do after watching Napoleon Dynamite, they'd be wearing a nerd.
2. Popped collars. Just... Don't. They now even design collared shirts specifically to have popped collars. Only one man is allowed a popped collar. Other than that, people who slept in that morning are permitted no more than half of their collar popped. Are we clear?

My alarm clock has disappeared. I have reason to believe it was sucked into an inter-dimensional time portal. Fucking inter-dimensional time portals. If you live in another time period or dimension and have seen my beloved clock, please contact me in the third dimension. I need to know what time it is.

Me=Responsible for all those hurricanes.

Currently Listening To: Some Rage Against The MAchine song on the radio
I've angered the god of hurricanes by my post a few months back about how they all had sissy names. Oops, my bad.
So the guv-nah has cancelled school on Monday and Tuesday to conserve energy. What the hell? And when I ask, "What the hell?", it is in response to the fact that we still have school regardless, not the fact that canceling school would actually do anything productive. I wouldn't mind. I freaking hate school, cha-know?

Sugar, We're Going Down has to be one of the most godawful songs... ever. Along with Wake Me Up When September Ends, which should be forgotten forever after September 30. More like, wake me up when this GODAWFUL, SPAWNED FROM HELL SONG ENDS.

My Coverage of Hurricane Rita

Currently Watching: The Fifth Element



And thus ends the coverage of Hurricane Whatsit.

Did you guys catch the footage of the plane crash last night on the news? It was so awesome, and I don't feel bad saying it because no one died.

"That ain't lasanga."

CNN.com -Local Boy Delighted By Suprisingly small Amount of Homework -Sept. 20

Currently Watching: Phonebooth
It's weird, things have been going half-crappy, half-awesome this week. I go from happyland to crappyland and back often and quickly. Things I dislike as of right now:

• Me constantly thinking it's my birthday, wondering where my GD presents are, and then realizing it isn't.
• Not knowing where my GD soap dispenser thing is.
• That GD freshman girl who follows me around and barges into conversations, interrupting the people I actually want to hear from.
• Uncomfrotable bus seats and seemingly never-ending bus rides.
• That freshman girl. Again. Yeah, she's that bad.
• Crappy school pictures and the bastards that take them.
• College fairs with no rides. WHAT THE HELL KIND OF FAIR DOESN'T HAVE RIDES?
• Homecoming. Let me get this out there: I AMN'T GOING. Paying money... to get dressed up... to spend three hours in a hot, crowded space. Hmm, I think I'll pass. Yeah, defs. 'Specially because that freshman will be there.

Eh, I forgot the rest.

Urban Dictionary: garbasail

One day, I, along with Leif, Erik, Hans and all my other Viking friends, will make one and sail to the moon.

The Jig Is Up

Currently Listening To: Blue Monday by Orgy
Talk Like A Pirate Day was more fun when less people knew about it and didn't know why I began every sentence with AAARGH. WHY WAS IT IN THE SCHOOL ANNOUNCEMENTS? Well, following this travesty, we established TALK LIKE A VIKING DAY, which will be October 5th, in honor of me, your Royal Awesomeness.

Christopher Walken Is A Ninja!

Currently Listening To: Rockafeller Skank by Fatboy Slim
I was about to bitch about how much ninjapirate.com has sucked lately until I read his piece about Margaret Cho. He somehow clawed his way out of the pit of suckdom. Maddox, on the other hand, has gone two months without updating. FUCKING DEADBEAT. He said he would update, but he is a lamers, pansy ass deadbeat. Congrats, you little bitch.

I just love history homework. I mean, it's not as if I don't have anything better to do over the weekend besides writing up these lame DBQ things. A DBQ is where you have an hour to handwrite a paper based on some poorly written historical documents and the topics are rarely ever mentioned again, so it is a colossal waste of time. But I'm all smiles, because I absolutely adore homework. Why the hell am I taking advanced history? I don't plan on majoring in history. Why do I even exist? I don't plan on EXISTING. Oh, shit, I stopped existi

I Miss My Hair

Currently Listening To: BBC Radio 1
Stop rubbing my head, please. It's kind of weird to have people literally lining up to rub my head. Seriously.
I'm getting new glasses. These ones won't be broken, so I'll actually wear them. And my vision has gotten worse in the past 4 years. Hooray. I still have to clip the hefges in the yard. I wish I didn't. Why does my dad think I enjoy doing it? I don't know. Speaking of my dad, he wanted me to get some of those fucking emo glasses. It took about 10 minutes to explain to him what emo meant and why I simply cannot wear those glasses.

I just can't.

I think I'm gonna go clip. Clip hedges, that is. CLIP CLIP CLIP.

Adolescent Drama Is For Lamers

Currently Listening To: Through The Iris by 10 Years
That's a great word. 'Lamers'. In a world where you can't call people retard and gayfer, lamers will reign supreme. Anyways, the lamers I am speaking of... are kids I don't even know. But when we were out at dinner, I over heard some sixth graders(My sister's grade) talking about these two kids who broke up. After about 3 months. These kids were acting like they were going to marry someday, and they just started middle school. Oh, it's so devastating! He meant the world to you, eh? A world in which an hour of homework makes a bad day, and a good day is one where a new episode of fucking Laguna Beach comes on. Speaking of which, why do all these pre-teen girls watch it? Why does anyone watch it? All these little bitches think they're part of that shitface life style after watching it. I guess the ones around here are, because most of them, like the kids on Laguna Beach, will NEVER AMMOUNT TO ANYTHING IN LIFE. If you start dating in fifth grade and think he/she is 'the one', you will truly never ammount to anything.

When I grow up, I want to attend Southeastern Viking Polytechnic University. I wonder what classes I should take to get in? I mean, I suppose a Viking doesn't really need to know math... or Spanish... or Chemistry... or History... Or English. Well, that's all of my classes. It's a shame that 'Raping and Pilaging Villages' and 'Synchronized Rowing with that one dude at the front saying when to row' and 'Eating Animals While They're Still Alive' at our school. Darlington is holding me back. For serious.

Now What's This All Aboot?

Currently Watching: Degrassi: TNG
Every time I see the iPod nano commercial, I want it, and then I want to go throw up because I feel more and more like a private school kid. Another factor to feeling more and more private school: I know what I'm getting for my birthday. I don't think I asked for anything last year, so it was a suprise. But this year, I actually came up with a list. Wow!. Period. Dot. Enter.

The-N sucks. The-N is the station that shows Degrassi in the US. They are all abour rebellion, free thinking and... censorship. Take the All-American Rejects' new video for instance, which shows a bunch of postcards from PostSecret. When The-N shows the video, they blur, let's say, half of the post cards. One was like, "Once I ____ three times at church camp." And another had a cartoon drawing of shit blurred out. What the hell? And what the hell was up with COMPLETELY CENSORING an episode of Degrassi? Uh-oh, someone had an abortion! Stop the presses! God forbid they actually cover a quazi-realistic scenario. Rape? Fine. School shooting? Go ahead. Gay, anal sex? Fine by them. But abortion? Hell no! How is a girl deciding that she would be an unfit mother and not to bring another starving belly into the world any worse than a tree-hugger going down on some sketchy guy in the Mystery Machine? DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL.

Facebook. I guess it's like the new myspace. Hooray for being trendy. Haha. Just kidding, I could never be trendy. Anyways, sign up.

Hairy Horoscope

Currently Watching: Resident Evil 2
I was reading my horoscope today (For fun, mind you.) when I noticed that the horoscope was actually somewhat correct without being too general:
"You probably pay a great deal of attention to what other people think of you, dear Libra."

But the next part kind of killed it:
"It may often be hard for you to make decisions in delicate situations for fear of being misjudged, even if you know you must. You may run into this dilemma as you go about your day today. Trust your own good judgment. It may be much more important to be decisive, today, than you can even imagine."

That doesn't apply... at all to my situation. Yes, people commented on how much my haircut sucked, but it wasn't like I had to overcome adversity or anything because of it. Basically, for the first half of the day, people told me how much it sucked or informed me that NEWS FLASH: I got a haircut (Which I somehow already knew, though I'm not sure how.), and for the second half, people were chasing me around, trying to feel my hair. I felt like a Little Buddha.

Except I don't know kung-fu. But maybe rubbing my head is good luck. I've had a large string of good luck lately, so who knows. Ashley, you are hella cool. Like, on the same plane as Abby, which is quite the achievment. Thanks for the enlightening conversation earlier. It's nice to have an intelligent conversation every once in a while.

Ooh, Haircut

Currently Watching: The Simpsons

I now look like this:
Except that I have a penis. I'm quite unhappy about this. I wouldn't mind looking like a lesbian if I were, say, a lesbian. It was a result of sever miscommunication. Somehow, in the month and a half since my last hair cut, the name of my haircut changed to the name of the femiNazi cut. Damn I'm pissed.

And that fuggin' exorcism movie made THIRTY MILLION this weekend. What the hell? Didn't I ruin the ending for .oooo1% of the population? I guess my actions mean nothing.

The Greatest Essay Ever Written

• Is Time For Cookies Part of the Food Court?
• Samuel L. Jackson has two movies coming out in the next two years with fucking awesome titles. AFRO SAMURAI and SNAKES ON A PLANE. The first is about a black samurai, and the second is about venomous snakes released onto a passenger plane.
• I'm glad I didn't go see that exorcism movie. Supposedly it's a courtroom-based-horror movie. Demonicly possesed C-SPAN? I'll pass.

Feel Free To Leave Meaningful Comments

Currently Listening To: Fall Out Boy

Just kidding. If I ever do voluntarily, feel free to stab me in the kidney. Kidneys. As in, both kidneys. At the same time.

So... Not much to type about. Went to the football game last night. I like football games more now that all of the kids in my grade who care enough to actually watch the game are playing it. That way we can talk to each other and not pay attention to the game and stuff. But I cheered a fair bit. I was 'restoring the roar' as they say. It's the 'Tiger Way'*. That really creppy senior was there last night. Wait, I should say that, as there are many creepy seniors. The creepy senior dorm student whose only friends are freshman girls who want some and sophmore guy who need a ride home. He annoys me so much, and creeps me out too.

Ooh, ooh! And I saw the reason a teenage girl would need a Razor phone: So she can store it in between her boobs for safe keeping.

*Tiger Way/Restore The Roar: Our school's new catchphrases. In case you didn't notice, our mascot is the oh-so-original tiger. I am the unofficial enforcer of the Tiger Way. Always make sure to follow the Tiger Way and do what is best for our community, but when I say community, I mean school, because now our school is a community and not, say, a school. Speaking of which, why doesn't our school emphasize stuff about learning? Since it is a school, it would make sense. I guess since our school/community made the transition to Alumni and Parent's Country Club, education is the least of everyone's worries.

Dane plays the panpipes in the forest

Chaos as Iraq imits driving to save fuel

Imagine if they tried that here. Scoff scoff scoff.

Dr. Sally's Sex Talk!

Currently Watching: Degrassi, the Next Generation
"Wh-What's abstinence?"
I got back about 20 minutes ago from the movies. We saw... THE TRANSPORTER TWO
Oooh, excellence. But that's not what you'd hear if I was one of those Meryl-Streep-loving, "The Piano"-watching movie snob. I fucking hate them. So anyways, the new one is good, but not in the same way as the first one. The first one was an awesome movie made by a crazy-ass French dude, and this one was a mindless action movie made by a crazy ass French dude. This one had a budget, to boot. I liked all the advertising in it. Cars, phones, iPods. Wow. At least the iPod ad wasn't like the one in Blade 3. That one was pretty heavy. It was like, "Whenever we go out to kill vampires, she loads up her iPod. It gets her in the mood for fighting." And then Jessica Biel was like, "Yeah, I can get all of my favorite songs from the iTunes music store for just 99 cents! Thanks, Apple, now I'm pumped." But in this movie, it was like, "Using this 60GB iPod, I can transport information to bring down the bad guy. And listen to my favorite artists. Only 99 cents!" They could have gone withoot the computer effects, too. They just didn't work. Either do it well, or don't do it at all. Stunts are much cooler when they're not in front of a green screen. But what do I know, I've never made a movie before! And Jason Statham, along with all the characters he's played, is my hero.

New Degrassi? I cannot wait. CRIPPLE FIGHTS! CHEERLEADER+DRUGS! TEENS MAKING PORNO! Hoo-ray!

Oh, yeah, my list of things that should be banned forever:

1. Dead bodies floating around on the news like it's no big deal.
2. Fall Out Boy. Oh, I hate them so fucking much.
   

Requiem for once-loved VHS

By the way, let's not show fucking dead bodies on the news, eh? A bit disrespectful to the dead and their families.

This piece is fuckin' crazy

EDIT: I got rid of word verification. It pissed me off more than spambots.

So Much To Write About

Currently Listening To: Combat Baby by Metric
I could write a whole page's worth about the hurricane, but I won't. I will simply detail to you, my loyal readers, how I would get rid of all that debris left behind were I in charge. First, we build a catapult using some of the debris on the ground. Next, the remainder is catapulted into space. From there, it ceases to be our problem. It will fall forever in the infinite vacuum of space. Unless of course the trash happens to fall in such a path that it hits planet Schlorbia. Then the Schlorbians will attack with the force of a thousand dragons and we will all be screwed.

Fucking Schlorbians.

This of course leaves another problem unsolved: What to do with the Nawlins-ians and other assorted Leeziana-ites. Dig all the remaining buildings out of the ground and re-plant them in Nebraska or the desert part of Nevada, creating Newisiana. It will be an idealistic society, a utopia of sorts. Well, if it's in Nebraska, it will suck. Because no one likes Nebraska except for Nebraskinians and Nebraskanites. They're like emo kids. Not very well liked by those outside of their group.

Pat Robertson: Unstoppable Evil?

Currently Listening To: Ana Ng by They Might Be Giants

William Rehnquist has died. You know what this means? Pat Robertson has killed yet another person. Every time he prays for someone to die, they do. He wants Chavez to be assasinated? Well I think he should be, because it's like if he thinks of you dying, you die shortly afterwards. He is a danger to us all and should be done away with with extreme prejudice. Bad cheese, terrible fall down some stairs, anything.

'V for Vendetta' delayed until March

...Among other pieces of terrible luck.

EMILY ROSE DIES AT THE END

Sorry for ruinning the ending, but I'm still bitter after the Atlanta Journal ruined the ending for me. Evidently she actually was having an epileptic seizure or something and her parents and the priest kill her.

This weekend is a first for my school; we are getting Labor Day off. YAY. My iPod headphones broke yesterday, so hopefully I can buy some new generic headphones this weekend. This THREE DAY, NO HOMEWORK WEEKEND.

Oh man, I had an awesome rant planned but I forgot it.

Philosophy According To Loose Freshman Dorm Students

Currently Listening To: Let's Spend The Night Together by the Rolling Stones

This really annoying freshman girl was talking to me yesterday. Really, really annoying. Anyways, we were talking about something, and then she randomly said, "You're my new gay shopping buddy." I know, what the hell is up with that? Out of NOWHERE. "I suppose it would help if I were gay."
Her:Do you have a girl friend?
Me:No.
Her:So you're gay?
Me:[Fails to see how being single makes you gay]
Her friend: LESBIAN!
Her:Hey, I've got a boyfriend!
Her friend: He broke up with you last week, lesbian.
Her: I made out with 7 guys this summer, and you made out with none, so you're the lesbian
Me: And you're a...
Her: I'm not a slut!

Yeah. Like I believe that. But there's more!

Her: Have you had a tetanus shot?
Me: Yes.
Her: [Pokes me with a nail, repeatedly]

FYI: You don't just try and stab someone with a nail because they've had a tetanus shot. The point of a tetanus shot is so you don't get a superweak infection after a nail penetrates your skin. You still have to get medical attention, but it is less severe thanks to the shot. What a stupid piece of crap.


I changed the bit under the title way at the top. It seemed very appropriate considering my current situation (High school).