Ryan's Snobby School Review of the Utmost Snobbery, Because Only Snobs Write Reviews. Come To Think of It, This Title Is So Long It Probably Warrants

Its Own Review, Likely Written by a Snob, Even More Likely To be Critiqued Itself By Other Snobs
Currently Listening To: I Enjoy Being A Boy by They Might Be Giants
SCHOOL makes me sad. The physics, the pre-cal, the Engrish, the other languages I always am able to display my lack of grip over… Oh, good times. GOOD TIMES. So far I’ve been doing okay, though more on the side of “fine”.

Surprisingly enough I had a great time at the football game on Friday, even though those bastards didn’t keep score. I have found that the keepation of score is the only way I can follow sports, and so with a scrimmage like this weekend, I’m lost. But I was loud and obnoxious, so people got annoyed with me, thus making my weekend complete. I get the feeling that weekends this year will be VERY good. Considering how much shit I have to wade through each week at school, I will have for serious earned the weekends, so I hope to do cool stuff to maximize the greatness and cancel out the shitty.

My teachers are decent. Sweeney is still the same; exceedingly Irish. My Spanish teacher is pretty much crazy, but I like her. She isn’t as teacher-y-ish as others. I feel more on the same level as her. My pre-cal teacher is… quite the character. Not sure what else to say. English… Well, Saunders is Saunders and if you got to Dar then you know what that means…





…pretty much whatever you want it to. If you like him, he’s great; if you don’t, he’s not. Whichever suits you better. And lastly, whomever the remaining teacher is clearly not so awful that the level of bad sticks out in my mind, so whatever that class is is decent.

Gah. Lucky Louie is like the best show besides the Colbert Report. And I have developed a huge man crush on Colossus. That’s right; I love a comic book character. He’s pretty much a bad ass. Anyone who can turn his skin to metal is the shizz in my book. Colossus and Stephen Colbert. Colbert is megamerican and that’s all I can say without besmirching his awesome.

Jokes Other People Don't Get

I was sitting here, innocently watching TV, when a commercial for Talladega Nights came on, which brought back memories of a time when I brought much shame onto our household. It was the part in the commercial where he says "It's like the best movie... EVER." to the French guy. He is of course refering to Highlander. I have not seen that movie. But I am familiar with it. After all, I have seen it re-enacted in 30 seconds by bunnies. So I guess I have seen it. Anyways, Ricky Bobby is talking about how great the movie is, which is funny, so I'm laughing absolutely hysterically, but I look around the theater and realize... I'm the only one laughing. In the entire theater. The packed, stadium-seating (So it's the biggest in the building) Friday night theater. Out of four hundred people, only one knew what they were talking about. I hung my head in shame and shut up.

A Very Shitty Post

I think it’s kind of funny how despite the fact that there is a Middle East cease fire starting tomorrow, the violence has actually escalated. It’s like they ordered all those bombs, and don’t want to let all those potentially left-over bombs to go to waste, so they’re having a grand finale. I suppose if this thing is actually over, there won’t be much by way of big news story for AP to cover, so if (A very big if) that were to happen, we’ll get to read about the “no liquids on planes” rule for months.

You know it’s the truth. The thing happened on Thursday, but I keep reading the same shit over and over again on the front page of the paper. You’d think there would be more significant developments than Pennsylvania auctioning off the shit they confiscate on eBay. Great, great, tell me something that actually matters to those of us who don’t want a collector’s nail file.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so lazy. Not often, just when something shitty comes on TV, like Blue Collar TV, which comes on after The Simpsons sometimes, or that Pepsi-Jazz commercial. Pepsi, you deviant Nazis, quit trying to act young and hip and shit. You guys SUCK. I hate you. I also hate the THX logo before movies, like Star Wars. Those things are like ten minutes long. Great, you helped the movie be as loud as it is. I don’t care! I just wanted to watch the movie. That’s why I turned it on. I wanted to see it. No the extended THX logo. Forget that shit.

Would You Like To See a Good Movie?

Would you like to see a really good movie? A really good horror movie?

It's called Ginger Snaps. It, along with Scream and A Nightmare on Elm Street, are easily my favorite teen horror movies EVER. Though I suppose I'll take anything these days. Really any R-rated horror movie with any redeeming qualities will make me happy. I'm not big on this watered down, PG-13 horror bullshit. This movie is absolutely DIGUSTING. All kinds of gore, which is to be expected. It's a werewolf movie. An awesome werewolf movie. Basically these two goth sisters start to drift apart after one gets mauled by a werewolf, so the other gets help from a drug dealer. I watched it at midnight on IFC last night. Pretty much here's how it went. 12: The movie starts. 2: The movie ends and I decide to go to bed. Some time after that: I'm not asleep. It was pretty intense.

It's got the chick who bites it first in Freddy Versus Jason and tthe goth guy from Final Destination 3. It's funny because in this movie SHE is the goth and HE is the druggie.

Ryan's Rendition of Ranier Maria's "Breakfast of Champions"

Fire In The Disco! Fire In The Taco Bell!

Currently Listening To: Music Is My Radar by Blur
So this terror plot they thwarted(A great word, by-the-way) in London. That's some serious spit. The news keeps saying the explosives somehow involved liquids like the British version of Gatorade, meaning that it's the same Gatorade we drink here, but served warm. Yummy!
[Which reminds me of "yummers!" from the Jomba Juice sketch from Nat Portman's SNL episode I watched again last week. I didn't realize Jomba Juice was a real place until the NY trip which was, oddly enough, at the beginning of this summer. It feels like it was years ago.]
Anyways, Gatorade as an explosive? Scary. I'd say Coke/Powerade should take this opportunity to enact the most effective marketing campaign they've ever had. Basically the ads will all be really minimalist, with a black back ground, and in small white text it says: "Powerade. No one's ever tried to take down an airliner with it." It would be viewed as extremely insensitive and there will be a huge controversy, but people will buy more Powerade. No one wants to drink the same stuff as terrorists. I mean, that's why I don't have a beard or a turban; terrorism! People don't want to be associated with evil.

Today was the least lazy day in a long time for me. I got a call around noon, after watching the news all morning(The most I've watched since the London bombings lazy summer). My sister and her friend want to visit their(And my) old elementary school, which was having its orientation today. But that required going up to the country club(Which I get to by walking) and riding the dreaded yellow school bus over there. That's seriously the most active I've been this week. Walked a third of a mile up there and a third of a mile back. With lunch, of course. What's a trip to the club without lunch?

Well, I suppose it's just a two-thirds-mile trek with no lunch to show for it, though that was kind of a rhetorical question.

Wow, my first lengthy post without use of the word fuck!

Simpsons Re-Enacted By Brits

Currently Watching: Ster Werz A New Hope
I'm pretty sure it's like a bump on some Brit TV network. Either way pretty effing cool.

CrossPost from Myspace.

Currently Listening To: Empire by Kasabian
I had a krerzy dream last night, in detail here:
This one was almost as weird as the bug one, where someone from my youth group was devoured by a very large bug while everyone (including myself) just sat there. So anyways, last night, I'm a-sleepin' and the first dream comes on. Our church youth group, a common subject in my dreams, is on another trip. I have no idea where we were, but it was in the woods. Maybe we were up at the Noog. Who knows? Anyways, so we do all kinds of outdoorsy things, and then we decide to watch a movie, and someone puts on V for Vendetta. The disc is scratched, so then I say I have a copy of the movie, but it turns out that was mine. Whatever. Wow, iTunes just opened up. Like ten years after I clicked on it. Bitches.

So anyways, we're leaving... In a Darbus... When another car turns down the drive way to wherever we're staying. I look in the car and see it's a friend from school, so I'm like, "Hey!" out an open window, which was weird because the window was on the front side of the bus and we all know windshields don't roll down unless you have a really crappy car. So I get out and talk to her, which disappointed me when I realized this was a dream because it's likely that I won't ever see her again. So anyways, it turns out she was leaving because she got kicked out, and so her mom was pissed that the Darbus was there on what was apparently her property. Oops! The bus leaves and now I'm hangin out with her and some other school friends, and then my mom shows up with all my stuff, seeing as the place is now college and we're all moving in. The place has gone from being a bunch of cabins in the woods to a college on a river in a big city. Some other weird stuff I'm kind of vague about goes on.

Things really started to get weird in the next dream, or maybe it was just a second half to this dream, I really don't know. So anyways, I'm at an old style theater seeing the remake of Shaun of the Dead, starring all the stars of the original Shaun of the Dead, but it turns out it's a remake of Resident Evil, with all the stars of Resident Evil. Hmm. So I leave and I'm at... Some place and I see my friend Abby and we're talking aboutthe movie which she is excited about. I leave and we go to the grocery store. When I say 'we' I mean, myself and like 30 kids who show up from out of nowhere. We get all the groceries and we walk home, but there's this big intersection(Which is a real intersection) and speeding cars, which are reality-otious as well. So everyone has to run across one at a time without getting hit.

We finally get to the street where my house really is, and there's a street race going on, with all these people driving old Volvo trucks that definitely look the part of European. So I'm driving one... Poorly... And I end up ramming into a line of them parked along side the river from War of the Worlds. I finish the race and all of a sudden I'm some well-known(In the dream world) superhero whose power is that he can jump really high. So I'm jumping up onto the SuperTarget which has replaced the river and jumping off again when all of a sudden I can't jump anymore. So I start climbing the building, which is really weird, becuase I'm all, "Hey, I'm not Spider Man" So I swing a web and land on top of the Target, where Aunt May's apartment is. She has a new boyfriend who doesn't like me.

And then I woke up because Clint was calling me.

The Dark Cloud of School Looms Over My Summer.

That was the angstiest title I could concieve at this point in time. Seriously, though, school. Boo. It started week before last in the northern pockets of Georgia, this past week in some metro Atlanta counties, this week in Mayretta city schools, next week in Cobb and then the twenty-first, we start. As in, this week when I saw V for Vendetta at the Fox Theater(!) there were kids mere miles away doing their first homework of the year. That is fucked up. And so now all my dreams are about school. But not in a good sense. Not a, "Wow, this is the greatest thing to ever happen to me!" dream, but then again, not a, "Wow, I'm being chased by... Something that people generally are upset when they're chased by it" dream. I don't have those. I suppose it would be cool, you know, just once, so I know I have a soul, but alas, my dreams are dashed once more. Anyways, they're dreams where when you have them, you're like, "You know, I think I would have rather had a good dream than that dream." Unsettling dreams. And theres always people in my dreams where I recognize them but deep down am well aware that they aren't real so I in fact don't know them. Like, there was a guy in my dream last night, and it was an animated inanimate object with the voice of someone I know, but the dream version of me didn't think it was weird at all. Hmm.

So anyways, fuck school. Did I spell that right? It looks weird. School. I guess it is right. Hmmm.

Master of the Universe
I just watched the SNL with Nat Portman(!) and Fall Out Boy(If there were a punctuation mark that denoted anger or mediocrity, I'd use it heyah), and I must say it is one of my favorite episodes. JAMBA JUICE. FOB sounds really weird/different sans voice enhancements. AND the fatass lead singer threw his geetar at the drummer, which I daresay was a tad rude.

Clerks 2 was phenom. I urge you to see it, but without anyone you would be uncomfortable seeing a movie with offscreen beastiality in it. I will leave it... At that.

Flickr

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