Tuesday, January 31, 2006

SQUARE BAGEL?


SQUARE BAGEL?
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.

Perplexed


Perplexed
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.

cbs2chicago.com: Chicago news, weather, traffic: UPS Driver Attacked By Middle School Students

WHERE WERE THE PARENTS?


I love that line. I say it a fair bit. Hardy har har.


I bet they were waiting for a package and it didn't come.


I'd be pissed too. But I don't carry a lead pipe 'round with me.


Today is my sister's third birthday this month.


I was thinking about this earlier. Most common folk before, say, the Renaissance probably never saw their own face. No pictures, probably no portraits of themselves or mirrors. How weird would that be?

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Bork Bork Bork

Currently Listening To: They by Jem
So yesterday, the Man made mi padre go to work. And today. But anyways, I was talking to him and he told me he would be getting home late. I couldn't really think of anything to say, because I think I say just "Yeah" too much as a response, so I said, "Yeah, um, about that, uh, I'm gonna have to ask you to come in on Saturday. And uh, while you're at it, I'm gonna need you to come in on Sunday as well." That's right. I busted out an Office Space quote. The entire tri-county area was so impressed, they held a parade. That, or my dad thought it was funny, we finished the convo and hung up.

Today I saw an interesting license plate. It said "LUVNGA". I was like, it's nice that this fellow is tolerant of other races, but I think it would be appreciated if he were to drop the racial slur. It might give people the wrong impression.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

FACE OFF!


Things To Look Forward To(For me at least. You normies[normal people] might not be as enthused about them) for 2006

  • Waiting comes out on DVD... Soon. And Grandma's Boy will eventually follow suit.
  • Getting a car. Or maybe just a license. But still. I can theoretically drive come Octobah.
  • LOST, which I am now hooked on after justo one, extremely confussing episode
  • That dumb bitch Chad NEVER talking to me again. Two days in a row of no contact with that fucker!
  • Getting my ass kicked on Monday by Clint. I suppose I shoulda seen it coming, considering how much of an obnoxious dickhead/douchebag I am.
  • No one asking me to the Sadie Hawkins dance. Oh wait, that's depressing. I'm not looking forward to that one. QUIT ASKING ME IF I HAVE A DATE
  • Lobotomy next week. I am excited. Yay.
  • BEBOBEBOBE

  • BORK BORK BORK!


  • The flood of comments I KNOW I'll get for this post. From ALL of my supposed readers. All none of you.
  • Plebes
  • The next song on iTunes

Currently Listening To: Reason Is Treason by Kasabian

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

WORD OF THE DAY

OBSEQUIOUS


What doth thou thinketh of that, scarlett womens?

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Currently Listening To: Satisfaction by Devo
I rotated Bombs Away out of the music player and replaced it with another Paris Texas song. I think I'll switch a song out each week and that fancy stuff.
SO. Last night. I was really obnoxious and stuff. And I almost got shot and stuff. AND I was the first person from D-town to go into the stadium dressed up, which seriously took a pair. But I bet I looked like a trendsetter to the other team. But the game was bullshit. I may not know... Anything about basketball, but it was like bad call after bad call. There was this one AWFUL call which the other team got FOUR FREETHROWS for. Ifthey had gotten the standard two, we could have won. Bullshat. And, we weren't allowed to wear the normal standard obnoxious attire so the two seniors who normally coordinate that suggested everyone wear a tie and coat. That's what I was first to do. ALMOST GOT SHOT. I would have been a hero though. Not because I did something, but because that's how society works. Then I could have written a book about it and made MILLIONS! For doing NOTHING! How sweet would that be?

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Playing Rockem Sockem Robots... Alone


I lost.

Movies To Hate: 2006

Currently Listening To: Don't ask Me by OK Go

So I've stumbled upon the first of the crappy movies from 2006. I don't mean the type of movies that you go see and say they suck. I mean the ones that you just hear the premise and know it can't not suck. Let's begin.
  1. Curious George: It's the Polar Express all over again, except this time that rat bastard WILL FERREL is defacating all over a childhood fave.
  2. Big Momma's House 2: Oh, yeah, I definitely don't get tired of gender-bender movies, because they definitely don't all have the same plot.
  3. Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector: Le sigh.
  4. The Benchwarmers: Rob Schneider, David Spade and Napoleon Dynamite all in the same movie? I bet the compnay that made it didn't even look at the script; they just knew that two washed-up SNL alumnus and a poor SOB who will be typecast... forever guaranteed a hit.
  5. Garfield 2: I thought all 36 people who saw the first one didn't like it. Hmph.
  6. Flight 93: Pulling my heart strings? More like stabbing my jugular vein. I don't know, if they don't douse it in cheese it could be good.
  7. A Scanner Darkly: I wouldn't have such a passionate hatred for this if it weren't live action film redone with computers. Sky Captain and Sin City pulled it off, but the trailer for this looks like garbage.
  8. She's The Man: Not even a hot lesbian scene could save this shit. ANOTHER gender-bender.
  9. The Shaggy Dog: Who let Tim Allen out of the retirement center? HAS-BEEN!
  10. The Pink Panther: I bet they just hoped that people would assume it was about the pink panther from the old cartoon and go see it expecting that and not some piece with Steve Martin.
I noticed that the majority of these have washed-up, past-their-prime actors. Hmmm.

We watched a movie in Spanish today. I can't remember the title, but I remember the stars; a naked chick and her boobs! No lie! AND we learned how to siphon gas in chemistry. So it was a good day. Except I failed some stuff in two other classes and one of my teachers was a total bitch. Oh well.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

So this music player on the side

Currently Watching: Degrassi Junior High(80's, tramps)

It ought to expose you bastards to some decent-type music. I'll try and rotate the music every so often so you can hear more magic.

Banana Republics for the New Millennium.

Please note: This site will cease to have actual content; just me stealing stuff shamelessly from others.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

happy trogDAY


Today I was reminded of why I'm so whiny and angry at humanity as a whole

And I was going to totally bust out on the people responsible when my bitterness level returned to normal and I decided to just put up with it and think evil thoughts about them, not saying a word.


Oh, and this little punk ass bitch is giving me a hard time. I'm about to have to bust out on him. Here's the reader's digest version of the as-of-late: So I'm at Doug E. Mack's house, crashed on the couch, when I all of a sudden wake up to find Doug talking on my find to the aforementioned shithead. I'm not really positive of what they were talking about, how long the call lasted or what, but at some point, the little bitch was referred to as "Gay Chad". Oh yeah, the kid's name is Chad. That's pretty crucial, because the name "Gay Chad" means nothing if you don't know his name. ANYWAYS, this morning, I decide to call up young Chadimus to find out about what the conversation on my phone was about. Apparently, he didn't realize it wasn't me. So when I convince him that it in fact was NOT me, he's all, "You spread this rumor about me being gay, didn't you?" NEWS FLASH: Your voice is girly. Very girly. Combine that with the fact that he lives in a conservative town in the buckle of the Bible belt, and you've got yourself a gay rumor. I'm positive at least someone thought he was gay before I met him. But no, it must have been me that started the rumor. Even worse is that every night I go to bed confident I'll never have to speak to him again(His way of saying 'goodnight' is 'I'm never going to talk to you ever again') but every day he forges some kind of digital contact with me and wastes a few hours of mine each day. I suppose I should just ignore him, but that would give him the impression that he defeated me(Any time I have not responded to an insult/comeback, he says, "I struck a nerve, didn't I?"), and I don't take defeat. So I talk to him. Well, he talks to me. Like, when he calls at 2 a.m. to tell me how pathetic I am and howw I suck and how I should kill myself because I have no friend and no life. And then he denies it. But whatever.

*PLEASE NOTE*: Some/Many crucial details as to why he doesn't stop bothering me were left out to conserve space, but they don't really matter. Don't sweat it.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

McSweeney for Dummies

Currently Listening To: You Only Live Once by the Strokes
So I just realized I won't have time to do most of my homework. I'm not busy or anything. I just poorly manage my time, so I frequently must choose between which homework to do and which to blow off. I decided upon chemistry. This reminded me of a website I found at school today:
McSweeney's


WAIT! Don't think for yourself! I found some funny stuff for you!
CANCELLED REGIONAL MORNING TV SHOWS
APATHETIC STATE SONGS
FAILED FRUIT DRINKS
LIGHTBULB JOKES WITH BORING PUNCHLINES
MOVIES THAT WON'T EVER BE SHOWN ON LIFETIME
WHEN TO MESS WITH TEXAS
COUNT CHOCULA'S POSSIBLE FIRST NAMES
ADVICE ONE WON'T RECEIVE FROM ONSTAR
POPALAR SINGERS INSPIRED BY FATS DOMINO AND CHUBBY CHECKER
the other half of the battle
ART GALLERY UTTERINGS THAT NEVER WERE
LESSER KNOWN MOVIE PREQUELS
THINGS MY BROTHER HAS THAT I DON'T
FAILED T-SHIRTS
NOT-SO-GOOD MURDER MYSTERIES
KOALA QUOTES
QUESTIONS YOU WON'T GET A YES FROM

The funny part? I ended up getting no homework done. Oops.

Survey says: I'm a douchebag.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Luleelurah

THANK YOU FRED TOUCHER FOR MAKING MY MILLENERA



Sunday, January 08, 2006

So I ruined Firefox

But there is one good thing.

With TiVo, I can skip the unfunny parts of Family Guy. It's the 'delete' button.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

CNN.com - Scott Stapp announces engagement - Jan 6, 2006

He also once announced to his son that his son came from Stapp's sack. No lie.

NIST Time and Frequency FAQ

"the terms 12 a.m. and 12 p.m. are wrong and should not be used"

Take that, Movies 278. You bastards are WRONG.

I Just Bought Some Crap

Currently Watching: Mernty Perthon and the Herly Grerl
Being the spoiled rich bitch that I am, I just purchased the following things:
THIS

THIS




Oh, this one too


P.S. They were all used
Love,
Ryan

Thursday, January 05, 2006

I finally got Monty Python and the Holy Grail back. A year and a half of waiting.





I'll watch it tomorrow.

CNN.com - Robertson suggests God smote Sharon - Jan 5, 2006

Bastard.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

CNN.com - Nickelodeon star looks really, really sketchy- Jan 4, 2006


CNN.com - International Conspiracy To Kill All West Virginian Miners Uncovered - Jan 4, 2006

Okay, so I'm kind of pissed at all these families right now. They're all paranoid about the fact that they were told that everyone was fine and then later they were told all but one was dead. Some were quoted as saying, "We were lied to!" How about... no. How about... Maybe the people who told you they were alive thought they were, and then found out otherwise later? It's not some internarional conspiracy or anything. Someone got some bad info and spread it. No malicious intentions, just bad info. And I don't think the mining companies have meetings tthat are like, "I hate miners. Let's keep the mines dangerous so they die." But if coming up with conspiracy theories makes you people feel better, so be it.

Bastards.

Oh, and some kid at school's dad won 27 mil in the lotto. Mission for the week? Become friends with him.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

CNN.com - Have scientists found Mozart's skull? - Jan 3, 2006

Good, I was wondering what happened to that. It's also a good thing these scientists spent their time doing DNA tests for no apparent reason when they could have been solving a crime or proving someone innocent.

When I grow up and am a (bad) parent, we will not celebrate Christmas in my house. We will celebrate late December gift exchange. You see, one of my kin could be non-Christmas celebrating, and calling the holiday Christmas would be potentially upsetting to him and he could then sue me. Being the puss-ball that I am, I will live in fear of my children, beckoning to their every need. This unnecesary rant was brought to you by COCAINE PUFFS! I' koo-koo for cokepuffs. LALALALALALAI don't want to go back to school. I know we've been out of school for an extended period of time, and we only have to go for three days this week, but I really like not-school. School itself isn't all that bad. We have a nice campus, and some of the kids are okay but the learning factor is bothasome. So are those pesky teachers. I'm going to add them to my list of people who need to be whacked with a satchel of corn pone.





Here in Joja, we don't wear shoes.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Currently Watching: Law and Order: SVU
Whoever writes for this show is one twisted fucka. I'm watching this one now about these twins, and when they were circumcising them at birth, they cut off too much on one of them so they just raised him as a girl. The second they showed the chick I knew she was a dude. "Her" voice kept cracking. Anyways, she was tagging a wall to get in a gang when this dude tries to rape her. She flips out and bites off his dork, then rolls him off the roof and onto a beamer. A deaf chick gets blamed, but then another gang member slits her throat, which leads them to the boy twin. He was in a gang at this prep school that went around tagging walls. The gang didn't let in girls, but Butch wanted in, so she decided to tag a wall atop a factory, which happened to be part of the aforementioned gang's territory. WHEW.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN