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CNN.com - 'Lost' stars arraigned on DUI charges - Dec 30, 2005

Dem girls is lookin' good!

CNN.com - Florida teen skips school, sneaks to�Iraq - Dec 29, 2005

I love that his first name is "Farris". "Hassan" must mean "Bueller" in whatever language it originated from.

I Can Make Stuff Happen With My Mind

Currently Listening To: Hell Yes by Beck
Last night, we were watching Into the Blue, starring some sharks and Jessica Alba's ass. Towards the end, my brother and I were talking about how much better it was than expected when I said, "At least no one has gotten hit in the balls. I hate it when that happens in movies. It's so not funny." No less than ten seconds later, Jessica Alba sterilized some poor bastard. With a lead pipe or maybe her leg. I wasn't really paying attention. Anyways, my brother started yelling at me for ruining the movie. Trying to make a quick save, I said "At least I don't have a million dollars."


It didn't work.

CNN.com - Beauty store robbed - Dec. 28 20pi

Local authorities currently combing the area.
Ba-zing!

Today is the patriarch's 42nd birthday. This means I'm getting old, because he was 26 when I was born. I need to go get an expensive, European sports car and a trophy wife to compentsate.

CNN.com - Bush hopes for better year in 2006 - Dec 26, 2005

Don't we all hope for better years? I mean, that'd be kind of masochistic and depressing to want a worse year next year.

EDIT: Nevermind, there was this one time when I was like, this year was too good, next year needs to be more crappy.

CNN.com - Canadian 'swingers' cheer ruling on sex clubs - Dec 26, 2005

[This post was left blank because the author is already in the car on his way to Canada]

Kong: The Worst Movie Ever?

You'd better believe it.

Got back about 20 mintues ago from that travesty. I don't even know where to begin. The best way I can describe it is by referencing one scene about an hour and a half into the movie. The main lady, having entertained the ape before by doing some tricks, does the same tricks again, hoping to make him happy. He yawns. That pretty much sums the movie. Peter Jackson doing the same things he's done before, while I, a 60 foot gorilla, yawn. Here's another visual: Me looking over at my brother a few minutes after this scene to see him listening to his mp3 player.

Normally I'm upset when people talk during movies. But by the end of this one, I was wishing the country bumpkin a few rows back had decided to flirt with his sister instead of watch the movie. The movie was that bad. Even I was talking by the end. Talking about how bad it was. The acting. The special effects. The dialogue. The list goes on and on. This wouldn't have been a problem if everyone in the movie industry didn't want a chance to blow Peter Jackson's dork. Instead of telling him how awful and boring the movie was, the execs at Universal were like, "Yay! I loved it." Apparently, at a private screening for said execs, they decided to cut twenty seconds of footage. THE MOVIE IS THREE HOURS LONG AS IT IS. Could they really not have come up with more to cut? I could have. I would have cut the first hour and fifteen minutes and then the last 20 or so minutes. Only then would the high cheese factor have been bearable. Peter Jackson; you are on my list. My list of people who need to be hit in the face with a satchel of corn pone. You best watch out.

I typed this up last night but internet was being a bitch so I had to save it and post it now.

If you have an Xbox and no one else in a large crowd does, don't brag about it

YouTube - Take the Xbox!

CNN.com - Man mistakenly left in jail for 15 months - Dec 23, 2005

Great. That gives me confidence in our government.

The Most Pretentious Thing I've Ever Heard

Currently Listening To: ffgrthdhgggarglefrabble
So I'm watching the tube when this commercial comes on. It's all, "POP MUSIC IS DEAD. REAL MUSIC IS OUR PASSION". It's a Hawthorne Heights commercial. Ha! If anyone shouldn't be calling another type of music fake, it's that band. That entire genre's legitimacy is up for debate.

Montana gets $260K from DirecTV to settle suit over advertising - billingsgazette.com

This makes me feel good, considering they're installing it right now.

CNN.com - No�New York�buses, subways for�second day - Dec 21, 2005

THAT is what you get for not buying a car, most of NYC. Screw the enviroment, it's cold! What now? WHAT NOW?

Mallrats poster

Mallrats poster
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.

protects me from monsters while sleeping

Me Watching Lord of the Rings

Just kidding, I didn't watch Lord of the Rings today, or any day this year. The Direct TV guy is coming so I have to be awake. Speaking of which, where is that bastard?

This is an awful picture. Whoever took it should be ashamed of himself.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

...hands got chopped off.

FINALLY! A website devoted to George Lucas' amputee fetish!

CNN.com - Hundreds gather for Williams' funeral - Dec 20, 2005

I could go on for hours about this too. He committed a crime and needed to be punished, but I don't think killing him was the right thing to do. The more modern term for 'prison' is correctional facility or something like that, and you can't expect people to change by killing them. The only change in them is the fact that now, they're dead. From the sounds of it, the 20+ he spent in the slammer was enough for him to realize he'd done wrong. But still, they kilt him. That's not good. This does not mean I believe that "An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind" BS. An eye for an eye leaves two people without an eye because once the criminal has his eye taken out, it's even. But I still think that killing bad people solves the problem. Evil begets evil. Tookie's death is just going to make gang members angry and violent. And I just proved myself wrong. Whatever, I don't mind contradicting myself. It's no biggie.

CNN.com - Poll: More Americans prefer 'Merry Christmas' greeting - Dec 20, 2005

This American prefers it when people shut the fuck up about stuff that doesn't matter. Starving kids in Frackalackastan and we're griping about being PC. Jesus is the reason for the season, eh? Step back and think about this for a second. You're complaining about DEPARTMENT STORES saying happy holidays. STORES that sell things that people give to each other for Christmas, Chanookuh, Decemberween, essetera, essetera. You know the drill. Anyways, while these people complain about Jesus being taken out of the holiday, they are completely missing the fact that he had been taken out years ago when gift-giving became involved. Gift giving is fueled by department stores. The witch hunt is going on in the wrong area. Who should be blamed? Corporations. But that's not going to happen because people suck and they are morons so fueled by the illusions of the world they have blinded themselves with. They got so caught up in their self professed greatness that they forget why they're doing what they're doing. Christianity is not about Christmas. It's not about telling people they're wrong, either. It's about spreading peace and brotherhood and not being an ass(Which makes me ineligible). But once people get on the war path, they cannot be stopped.

And that's why the world needs to be nuked 9 times so we can start over again with a clean slate and not be so vain.

CNN.com - Report: Gwen Stefani pregnant - Dec 20, 2005

Oooh, me rike-ah dah Gren Strefani!
Penguin Snatched For Christmas Gift
I had this plan when I was younger. I was going to steal a penguin from Seaworld and let him live in a walk-in freezer I would build in our backyard and we'd watch TV while eating fish every afternoon. That plan didn't really pan out.
Katrina Biggest Dead Horse of Year
If that's what it had been about, I'd agree. I'm sorry for all the people whose lives were destroyed by it but it's not the first natural disaster in history, nor is it the first in that area, nor will it be the last. Let me tell you a story. This year, at the start of October, it was around 70 degrees outside in Minnesota. Three days later, BAM! Three feet of snow. They weren't expecting it. Didn't have a clue it was coming. So where did they go from there? THEY PULLED THEIR SHIT TOGETHER, SHOVELED THE SNOW AND GOT BACK TO WORK. Moral of the story? Don't elect inept/corrupt officials.

Audio Trailer for SNAKES ON A PLANE!

CNN.com - Iraq speeches, election don't help Bush - Dec 19, 2005

Probably because he interrupted prime-time TV. Common sense, folks.

First Coast News | Top Stories - Two Missing After Vilano Beach Plane Crash

Fuck you, 2005, you fatherless son-of-a-bitch.


This article is a little dated. My brother's girlfriend got a call 30 minutes ago, saying one of the girls had died.

CNN.com - Time names Bono, Bill and Melinda Gates Persons of Year - Dec 18, 2005

More like, least interesting people of all time. Who's next, Columbus's gay cousin? For People of the Year (Hafta include wimminfolk nowadays.), I'd pick:
Paris Hilton
Angelina Jolie and that guy's collection of adopted babies
Scientology(Yes, it is a person and has feelings)
Abe Lincoln
Baby Jesus

And then we'd put them in a house for a month. They'd stop being nice, and start being real. The Real World.

iRony

Currently Watching: Firefly
Anti-smoking/drug commercials, in my mind, define irony. The message behind pretty much all of the commercials is "It's cool to not do drugs because people only do drugs to be cool to begin with." Why is it that everything has to be cool? Why can't people do things becuase they honestly believe in it or truly want to do it? I was reading an article the other day about how Jesus/Christianity has become so cool and it made me sick. Not only because so many kids just go to church to fit in, but also that these preachers and priests are advocating it. Desperation to get people to come to church is, in my mind, fueled by greed. They don't want these kids to come to church to 'save' them or whatever. They want them to come so their parents come and they want their parents to drop some dimes in the collection plate. This is just like getting kids to not smoke/do drugs because they think it's cool to not do them. Then they become the zombies they would hvae become if they fried their brains on acid. They're still not thinking for themselves, which is worse than kids being addicted to nicotene in my mind.

While we're on the subject of coolness, if you want to beat the bandwagon to the next cool music channel, grab the remote, drop FUSE, and go to IMF. All the cool kids will be doing it shortly. This way, you can be all, "I watched IMF before it was cool." Don't worry about actually listening to the music. It's good(equal ammounts of all types of music but country) but you weren't listening to the music on FUSE...

or MTV2...

or MTV to begin with.

EDIT: I was re-reading this so I can ignore all the grammerticle errors in the post when I noticed the lack of cussin'. To make up for it, fuck, fuck, mother-mother fuck-fuck, noiche, noiche, noiche, one, two, one two three four, noiche, noiche, noiche, smokin weed, smokin weed.
Doin' coke, drinkin beers. Drinkin beers, beers beers. Rollin' fatties, smokin blunts. Who smokes the blunts? We smoke the blunts.

CNN.com - Official: Al-Zarqawi caught, released - Dec 15, 2005

Whoops.

CNN.com - Die at your own risk, mayor proposes - Dec 13, 2005

Good idea. By the way, it doesn't count as an eating disorder if you skip meals because you're too lazy to cook anything, right?

CNN.com - Wife: Child groom is 'no victim' - Dec 13, 2005

Everyone involved in this case should be executed, save for the baby, who will live the rest of it's life in exile. A sewer will do just fine.

So former President Ford is in the hospital. All I can say to that is: Who?

Oh, and about these teachers... Dem bitches. All they talk about is how lazy kids get 'round HOLIDAY time, but that's not the truth. Kids never care about school save for the mutant ones. Know what's REALLY going down? The rest of the school's getting lazy. Teachers, administrators, school supplies. Yeah, school supplies. As long as the 3 numbers I put in for my lock are relatively close to the real one, it lets me in. What a lazy fuck for a lazy kid. But back to the point. I'm tired of teachers going on about the period between Thanksgiving break and Decemberween break. "Oh, we've got so much to do! CRAMCRAMquizquiztestpaperCRAMCRAM" Yeah, I think I'll pass. Spend more time, say, teaching, and you won't feel so pressed for time. And don't feel the need to give out the max number of assignments. Do as many as you'r normally do in three weeks, which is 100% not what we're getting. Boo you whores. Yes, I just quoted Mean Girls. Lyke, gAg Me WiTh A **sPoOn*** lol!!!1!! Damn it pisses me off how some folk type like that. Some folk need to go choke on a chubby.

Charlotte.com | 12/06/2005 | 'Holy' Funyun sells for $609

I'd say that's a bit of a stretch, Oh, and this pre-Christmas laziness in schools is a myth created by teachers to be the spawn of Satan and still look like nice people. More at eleven.

CNN.com - Farrelly brothers take on Special Olympics - Dec 9, 2005

Sounds like an episode of South Park(even though the idea for this movie came first). If it's anything like that episode, it will be good.

eBay: Star Wars ROTS c-3P0 Gift from whore ex-girlfriend
Oh, the hilarity!

"Oh the hilarity"? Wow, that sounds really lame. My parents were right, I do suck.

Bee-tee-double-you, Richard Pryor died, which means Comedy Central will have to stop showing the Richard Pryor "I ain't dead yet" show every freaking weekend.

CNN.com - Plane slides off runway at Midway - Dec 8, 2005

Airline industry obviously not doing so hot right now.

CNN.com - Man killed after bomb claim at airport - Dec 7, 2005

Pshaw. Moron.

X-MEN 3 Teaser

HOLY CRAP, BATMAN. CHECK IT OUT, BITCHEZorZ.

Say Goodbye To Doing The Dishes!

Log vs. Dishes

If only this had come up before Thanksgiving. Then I would have done less work than I already did. So really all that would have changed is that no one would have had a reason to remind me of how lazy and worthless and so much of a leech on society I am.

Algebra Was A Bloodbath Today

Currently Watching: What's Eating Gilbert Grape
So today in math, while busy not paying attention, I was picking at this scab on my finger. No big deal, minor masochism as usual. So I glance over at my paper and then back at my finger and it is COVERED IN BLOOD. I was all, "zomfg, t3h fingr is bloodey lololzorz holy crap!" Being the brilliant young man I am, I decide to wipe it on my hand instead of, say, getting a Band-Aid or something of the like. Moments later, I realize it is still bleeding profusely. Then I get another brilliant idea. PAINT MY HAND WITH BLOOD. AND I DID. WHAT A LITTLE GOTH BITCH.

SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD JENNA IS A KILLER. Or so the commercial that keeps coming on says. I hate this kid. She is a vicious killer. She killed her "friend" by slamming her 90-pound body into his seat during a car accident. All because he was black. What a bitch. Well, that's not really how it played out, but whatever. Wal-Mart, however, really is racist. They had this commercial where it was all, "We sell board games" and then it shows a kid playing Operation and it says "FUTURE BRAIN SURGEON". Then a kid playing Monopoly is declared a future entrepreneur. Here's the racist part. A black kid is playing Trouble. What is he? A future trouble-maker. Those racist bitches.

This movie would have been better if something ate Gilbert Grape at the end. Something really unlikely and random and such, like a banana. That would be funny because Gilbert Grape was eaten by a banana, the archnemesis of grapes.