I'm Not An Inmate, I'm French, Damnit

Currently Listening To: Music Is My Hot, Hot Sex by CSS, which, I might add, I downloaded two weeks before I saw the iPod commercial.
And now I'm listening to Living in America by the Sounds, which, by the way, isn't about how awful America is, you ginger dope.
Ah, driving. I love to drive. It's probably the most relaxing thing I can think of. Except, of course, when other people get involved.

• Bitch in a Lexus riding my ass. Just because your car is sleek and sexy and fast doesn't mean you should try and hitch a ride on my bumper. Sleek, sexy and fast mean nothing when your grill is in my backseat.
  
• Passengers touching my wares. Just put it in the back, okay? No need to snoop. Last thing I need is anyone find my five bricks of coke and extensive German pornography collection.
  
• A certain other driver messing with my seat, mirrors and radio. He's shorter than me, so why is the seat pushed back? The radio's always both off and turned down. PICK ONE. The mirrors? I guess that's forgivable. But the rest? Not at all.
  
• Cops hiding with their lights off trying to pull me over when it's pitch-black outside and I almost hit them because my right headlight is out. Pretty cut-and-dry. Let's keep the lights on, Biggun.
  
• People on cellphones, or texting, or putting on makeup. I would say, "Can't it wait?", but most of the things being said over those calls and texts are usually pretty inane, so I'd advise those people to just forget it. Same goes for the makeup; you look like a hooker. That's not a good thing. Sure, Jesus rolled with a hooker (or more? I've never actually read that part... or most parts of the Bible. Just what we read in Church), but that's not the same.
  
• Radio DJs droning on and on and on and on, and when they DON'T PLAY DAVID BOWIE ON THE RADIO in the mornings. That man is the only reason I can even muster up the strength to get in the car each morning to go to school, and when I don't get my Bo, I can't function.

And in other news... Today must be the anniversary of Michael Richard's racist outburst, because they're talking it up on CNN right now. That's rather ironic because the episode of Seinfeld I saw on TBS today had Kramer falling asleep in a tanning bed and walking around in blackface. Hmf.

And I got some sexy, sexy shoes. I need to find a camera. I mean, seriously, I've never been so obsessed with shoes, but this pair is special. Magical, perhaps?