Sales Call I Had The Other Day

Tuesday morning, I'm sitting at the breakfast table. The phone rings. No one in our house ever wants to pick up the land-line; I hesitate.

Caller ID looks like its a sales call, but I pick it up any way.

At that very moment, I can hear my mom running to the phone upstairs, picking up the receiver at the very same instant that I do.

"Hello?" I ask.

"Hello?" the woman on the other end responds.

"H-Hello?" This awkward exchange seems to happen every time talk on the phone; how are you supposed to answer? "[surname] residence, [name] speaking"? I guess that makes sense. I'll try it next time.

The telemarketer starts her script. We've won a cruise, or there's a deal for refinancing the mortgage or something. There's a wide variety of subjects covered by these calls, but they all run together in my mind. She gets a few sentences in before I hear a click. My mother gave up, and hung up the phone.

There's a pause.

"WELL FUCK YOU MOTHERFU--" click

I'm going to try and time my picking up these calls such that I get to hear that every time we get a sales call.

That's So Twitter

Currently Listening To: The Fear by Lily Allen
Everyone's all about twitter these days. CNN.com has it in at least one top headline daily (and it makes me puke... seriously. Missing children* are newsworthy compared to the Ashton Kutcher/CNN twitter-off). So if you don't know what twitter is, just ask me, dad.

But Twitter is, quite simply, twittarded. If you can say it in 140 characters, you don't have anything to say. And it shows. What you had for lunch, sitting in traffic, your American Idol live blog? No one needs to read that. And yes, blogs are equally as moronic, but I at least invest time in to this (when I actually write). Twitter = blog - content, so it's basically titles to blog posts. If it matters, you can expand on it.

But I digress. The minutia of Twitter has resulted in mon ami Johanna and I's "That's so Twitter". Whenever someone comes in the room and announces "I just finished a paper" or some similarly irrelevant comment, we reply, "That is so Twitter." It's code for "no one cares" but I can't say that because passive aggressiveness is in.

*Missing children are not newsworthy. Well, most of the time. They're newsworthy when they go missing, when they're found, when it goes to trial, etc. But Nancy Grace and whoever her counterparts on Fox and MSNBC shouting at parents, accusing them of the crime because goddammit she's Nancy Grace and if she didn't know this shit, why would she have a show?

Nancy Grace, we have a justice system for a reason. You are not Judge Judy and executioner, so stop pretending to be.