Currently Watching: LOST Finale
M. Night Shamaylan makes mystery movies, and the eventual movie chronicling his life will also contain a large mystery: why people keep allowing him to make movies. I've been hearing a lot about The Happening in these past few weeks. When they showed the trailer before Iron Man, I heard a lot of laughter. The line "There appears to be an event happening" comes to mind. Mr. M Night, have you ever had a conversation with someone before? Watched the news? Hear someone speak? No one talks like that, not even at a press conference, like the one being depicted in the scene. "There is an event happening"? We get it; your movies are hinged on a big ol' secret we can't know about until we see it. But surely there is a better way of enticing us than with a bit of dialog George Lucas would find laughable.
The plot point The Happening is hinged upon is what has caused THE HAPPENING. What has caused these people to commit suicide. That's why people will go to see it; the suspense is killing them. Well, friends? I'm about to save you some time and money, because I know what that twist is:
Disappointment.
What the twist actually is, be it terrorists or aliens or ghosts or Amish monsters or Mermaids or supervillains with glass bones, it will disappoint people on a cosmic scale. It will leave people speechless, then immobile and finally suicidal over just how big a letdown it is, because the two-hours building up, no matter how engaging the plot or amazing the special effects or whatever (not that you'll actually find either), will never be sufficiently fulfilled by the reveal. Every time one of this guy's movies comes out, people are exponentially less satisfied with his twists. Granted, no one will ever be emotionally numb to this endings, as it can never reach zero, but still, there will come a time, when his last movie is released, that the lone audience member will somehow convey less emotion than "Eh."
M. Night Shamanotgonnaworkhereanymore, I'll see you in hell.
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What will I call it when I turn 18?
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3 comments:
Wow. I just watched le trailer, and it looks like he's trying to do a shitty over-acted clone of The Invasion.
We can only pray it's an Invasion rip off. Though I don't really know the ending, I'm predicting something far more abstract and, in the end, stupid.
Though I'd go for mole men. Or mo' lemen.
Idea: wouldn't it be cool to have movies crossover? Like, the ending turns out to be the krstol scullz from Indiana Jones or something. Marky Mark evades danger by catching a ride from Speed Racer.
Man, and I was really rooting for M too. He's definitely fallen off recently.
'The Sixth Sense' was different, and I didn't see the twist ending coming. I liked 'Unbreakable' and I loved 'Signs'. Then I read some interesting articles on M's strict, Indo/Paki upbringing, and thought his calls into the Howard Stern show demonstrated his modesty and ability to laugh at himself.
Believe it or not, I didn't even mind that he gave himself a cameo in all his pictures. Then I lost interest. I didn't bother with 'The Village' because it just didn't look interesting. I skipped over 'Lady In The Water' for the same reason.
Then there was a wave of negativity in the press regarding the man. It was at this time M did that AmEx 'My Life, My Card' campaign.
I tried to find the print ad online tonight, but was unable. I'm guessing his people have done everything in their power to cover it up.
As I recall, in the two-page ad, on the left was a full-page shot of M sitting on a child's bed with a book in his lap looking especially gaunt and creepy. On the right side of the ad, was a full-page questionnaire which appeared to be filled out by his own hand. I wish I could remember specifics, but I remember reading it, and thinking him a total, pretentious douche.
I had heard 'The Happening' has been getting horrible word-of-mouth recently, so unless this is some kind of clever, reverse, psychological marketing (Gladiator, Casino Royale), I'm guessing M's slide will continue.
I also saw the trailer before IM, and I'm probably going to skip The Happening because it just doesn't look interesting. Mark Wahlberg as a science teacher? Come on. That's just bad casting. A ruffian? Sure. A football player? Yeah, ok. A porn star? Why not? But, an intellectual? Never.
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