Brilliant Idea

I just had a sudden burst of cynicism. I'm going to make a t-shirt that reads:

I Only Care About Darfur Because It's Trendy

It's so true. Don't deny it. A few months ago the majority of the population didn't give a flying fuck, but now that there are t-shirts and concerts and celebrities on the bandwagon, who wouldn't join in on the fun? I wouldn't mind if people were just silently giving cash, but if you have to advertise it then the entire movement is entirely lost on you. You should do it because genocide is terrible, not because Bono says to.

Has anyone else seen the new Internet Explorer? It's pretty much a ripoff of Firefox, but I love it none-the-less.

iHate 2.0

Currently Listening To: Sun/Rise/Light/Flies by Kasabian
I really, really hate car commercials. They pretty much epitomize 45 year old ad execs trying to relate to today's youth... And failing miserably. Car commercials=NOT COOL. And I really wish old people would give the internet the ol' shut-the-fuck-up. Stop talking about youtube, myspace, facebook... Just stop. Old people aren't supposed to relate with kids. Think about it this way, you geriatric bastard: If Senator McCarthy had been rocking out to Buddy Holly fifty years ago, you would lose all interest in those records. Same thing here. Back to the point: Let's face it, your car isn't all that impressive and not-so-funny jokes and gags don't do much to help. I feel like thirty seconds of friends is thrown at me during every commercial break. MAKE IT STOP.

On the other hand, iGetoffto the new Kasabian CD. It's pure magick. Go buy it... Three times. Kasabian needs the cash. I would go see them in concert this November, but it's the night before my Physics exam, so balls to that.

This suit is nooot blaaack. Borat will likely be the cinematic event of the millenium. Check it, bitches.

Wokka Wokka

Currently Watching: Underworld Evolution
I am totally, completely, 100% over Franz Ferdinand. It's weird. They went from being my favorite band to last week me removing all of it from my iPod. It's not like they're bad, I'm just tired of listening to them. Maybe when their new CD comes out. I've realized there are a metric ass load of CDs I am waiting/hoping for: The Bravery's second album, Hot Hot Heat's x-teenth album, Kaiser Cheifs 2nd, Hard FI's second. Get on that, bitches. I'd also like the Fray to release thier next single. If I were to never hear "How To Save A Life" again it would be really, really great. IT was the song that really stuck out when I bought it LAST DECEMBER, but it has kind of been played 438,762 times on Atlanta radio, which would be like three or four stations that could possibly have it on their playlist. Star90whore.

That Muslim Imam guy who talked at our school? Got arrested. For terrorism. Yeah, he was kind of send money to Hamas, the 'other guys' in that Lebanon/Israel thing this summer. Yup. Giving them money. That's pretty crazy.

I got the new Kasabian CD. It is loverly. Got Beck, Hellogoodbye, Audislave and an old-ish Weezer one too. I'm also considering the Rocco Deluca and the Burden CD. They're some cool cats.

OWNED

Oh, by-the-way, don't watch that if you haven't seen Final Destination.

I AM SIXTEEN

Currently Watching: X-Men 3

Yay! I'm older now!

For the first time in quite a while, I actually feel different today than I did yesterday. That's cool. I'll give a full... Report of my birthday tomorrow.

ONE DAY

DOWN WITH ESTABLISHMENT

Currently Listening To: Reason Is Treason by Kasabian
...and by establishment, of course, I mean my math teacher. I really, really, REALLY do not like him. Rarely does one encounter someone who has managed to stick their head that far up their own ass. Yeah, I know, I'm not nearly as great at math as you are, because you are simply a math god, but does that mean that I am incapable of learning math? Does that make you exempt from teaching? Am I a lost cause just because I don't have an A in your class? I would say that knowing 82% of math is a considerable achievement, but NO. At this point, six weeks into the year, I need to be considering dropping his class. And tell me, what is wrong with this concept: "Knowing the homework is not enough"? Isn't that the entire point behind homework? You do it and if yuo can that means you understand the concepts? YOU BASTARD. Words cannot express how much I loathe this man; I despise him with every inch of my being, right down to my rotting and soulless core, with a level of passionate fury previously unbeknownst to mankind. To make me feel better, I will watch some Bob Ross on YouTube and then read about Fruit Loops on Wikipedia...



...And now I'm feeling better. It always helps to get your feelings out on paper, even though this isn't paper; it's the internet and as such everything I'm putting down on this blog is utterly insignificant. But maybe, just maybe, it will have an effect. Maybe the school will see this(Because everyone knows they scour the internet for students' sites) and they'll kick my math teacher's fly self to the curb. Or maybe this will get me motivated to study now instead of tomorrow for my math test. The best success is revenge, and I plan to be so successful that some might say I went Kill Bill on him. Let me take a moment right now to emphasize that I don't plan on killing him; I know lately there has been a spike in lameasses who come to school with guns and blow folks away. That isn't me. I hate my math teacher, but murder is ineffective in terms of getting your way unless your way is getting pounder in the ass in jail for the rest of your life. Not interested.

I'm not sure how I want to spend the rest of my night. Obviously, I said I planned on some homework so I have less tomorrow, but there are two things I want to see on TV tonight: Cry_Wolf on HBO and SNL on NBC, but they're during the same time slot. What to do, what to do...

One Week

WaBam!

Is Lips of an Angel the Worst Song Known To Man?

Currently Listening To: Here (In Your Arms) by Hellogoodbye

Pretty much. Not really any room for debate. You may say Macarena or something by the Spice Girls, but that's so ten years ago. Way to live in the past, LOSER.

If I ever so those Hinder a-holes, I'd kick their Oklahoman asses with a fury previously unknown to man.

TODAY

Is two weeks to the day until my 16th.


So pretty much whenever I bring it up, which is a lot because sadly enough my young-ness is one of my defining features apparently, people are all, "Great, when do you get your license?" and I'm all, "I'm not going to." I get tired of explaining my not driving-ness. It would be better if I had like some disorder or something and I wasn't allowed to. That way, I could say "I have epilepsy!" rather than "I'm two months younger than everyone else in our grade!"

I would prefer that.

JOIN THE RESISTANCE

Ignore "Talk Like A Pirate Day". Old people know about it. Seriously, it was in the school anouncements last year, which is garbage McBullshits. Eff that.

So pretty much... There's sometihng I would really like to rant about pretty much anywhere where I already haven't, but it's a tad risky, seeing as this person wil likely read it. Oh, I bet you'd like to know now, wouldn't you? Hah, you are that type of guy, now aren't you? If it gets to be too much, privately aske me and I will pretty much tell you.

Mmm, Yummers!

I thought you might like that video. I know I do. Makes me SMILE. And I don't have a soul, so you know it's legit. It's even better once you realize that Jamba Juice is REAL, and that's what it's like. I swear to God there are more Jamba Juices in NY than Starbucks.

I wouldn't cry if I never heard the word indie again. I'm so effing done with it. I've never thought of myself as being indie, but it seems like it's effing everywhere and it has just run its course. It has been officially retired by me. Also, 'hip' in the sense of what's popular is done too. Sure, it isn't a term exclusive to our time, but it's done too. I really wish some people wouldn't try so hard to relate to kids.

Fucking LifeTouch. They take bad pictures on purpose. I hate them, they suck. I posted my bad picture last year. This year... No. I can't. It is truly the worst year book picture I have ever seen, simply because it is bad enough to be "Oh my God!" bad, but not to the point of "In a week or so I'll laugh about this." It's just "Oh my God" bad. Fuckers. And the worst part is, if I get retakes, the retake won't be my yearbuck picture and it won't be the one I get to look at every time I look at my grades. I really hate LifeTouch. Their monopoly on the yearbook picture business is bothersome.

Ways To Not Honor Someone

So this past weekend, Steve Irwin died. That's sad. I never watched his show, but it's still sad. The on teh internets, people were all, "hey guyz dis is teh badzorz lets send owt myspace bullitens in his honor lolz". I suppose that's a nice thing to do...



BUT NOT IF BY HONORING HIM YOU MEAN BOMBARDING PEOPLE WITH STEREOTYPES. The bulletin title "CRIKEY! R.I.P" is about as respectful as saying, "Let's remember him with a trip to Taco Bell!" when a Hispanic celebrity croaks or "Le'ts go get drunk out of our skulls!" when an Irish/Russian/German person dies. Don't get me wrong, I joke using stereotypes all the time, but how in God's name anyone managed to think that that was an acceptable way to express your feelings about his death is beyond me. And I'm sure he wouldn't have wanted people to hate stingrays because of this. Yes, he's called the Crocodile Hunter but he LIKED animals and tried to help them, so don't say that you hope they kill the stingray that killed him, that's stupid.

CRANK

Currently Listening To: Munich by Editors
Well, we did see it last night. It was amazing. It was funny, suspenseful, action-packed, intense... It was everything. There were drugs, there was violence, there was sex, nudity, lanugage... Probably one of the more offensive movies I've seen. It was just... a lot of fun. I definitely reccomend seeing it in a packed theater like we did, because movies are always better when you see it with a lot of people. Even when some people bring their babies. I mean, I guess the whole R-rating thing is meant to warn people against bringing elementary schoolers in, but that includes babies. Don't bring babies into R-rated movies. C'mon, it common sense, folks. Number one, scholars.

Bah dum cha.

Watch out this week, becuase lately I've been on a roll with the Mel Gibson jokes.

Il Updato

So school this week was okay. Except for the last two periods on Friday, which I spent showing my lack of knowledge about physics. I studied, but I got the test and all those formulas were just PFFT. Gone. But the great thing was that I didn’t have a mental breakdown or anything, which during any other school year in the past I likely would have. Come to think of it, he said the scores would be up Friday night, and it’s Sunday, so I could check if I so desired. BUT I DON’T. So I will just sit here.

This weekend was supafly. On Friday I went to the football game. Claire, Matt, Starla, et cetra had fled the city for Labor Day, so I sat with people who I don’t normally, which was fun. Even though we were likely to get Hassan’d. Chattooga is a sketchy place if I’ve ever seen one. Some goth kids kept coming over to our side to maybe provoke us or something? I don’t know. They were looking for justification for their existence. With no upper/upper-middle class kids to patronize they would just be regular kids who blow their cash on stupid and impractical clothing from Hot Topic.

Our team lost, which was rather sad-ifying, but I got over it. Maybe they’ll win next week, but I was really pulling for AJ to get his birthday wish (AHAHAHAHAHA!). It’s kind of funny how when we beat other teams, they say we paid off the officials but that never comes up when we lose. What kind of moron would pay someone to make them lose by less? If you’re gonna cheat, go all the way. And if you’re a redneck bitter about what school you do or don’t go to, jump into a vat of lye, we don’t need you. Effing plebes.

Yesterday… I didn’t really do anything. I watched X2 and did the usual lazy shit.

Today we watched Empire Strikes Back in Sunday School, which was the shiz. I even managed to come up with a way to relate it to Jesus (Luke in the wilderness for a month, sacrifices his hand, reborn as Jedi who redeems the sinners, AKA Darth Vader, who then go and rid the world of EVIL, AKA the Holy Roman Emperor Joey Katz-Palpatine). Just kidding, I love the Pope.

Tonight we will hopefully be going to see CRANK with Jason Statham. IT looks so badass. Hopefully at some point this month the Snake on a Plane convoy can make its way to the Centre Drive-In as well, but we’ll just have to wait.

Ryan's Snobby School Review of the Utmost Snobbery, Because Only Snobs Write Reviews. Come To Think of It, This Title Is So Long It Probably Warrants

Its Own Review, Likely Written by a Snob, Even More Likely To be Critiqued Itself By Other Snobs
Currently Listening To: I Enjoy Being A Boy by They Might Be Giants
SCHOOL makes me sad. The physics, the pre-cal, the Engrish, the other languages I always am able to display my lack of grip over… Oh, good times. GOOD TIMES. So far I’ve been doing okay, though more on the side of “fine”.

Surprisingly enough I had a great time at the football game on Friday, even though those bastards didn’t keep score. I have found that the keepation of score is the only way I can follow sports, and so with a scrimmage like this weekend, I’m lost. But I was loud and obnoxious, so people got annoyed with me, thus making my weekend complete. I get the feeling that weekends this year will be VERY good. Considering how much shit I have to wade through each week at school, I will have for serious earned the weekends, so I hope to do cool stuff to maximize the greatness and cancel out the shitty.

My teachers are decent. Sweeney is still the same; exceedingly Irish. My Spanish teacher is pretty much crazy, but I like her. She isn’t as teacher-y-ish as others. I feel more on the same level as her. My pre-cal teacher is… quite the character. Not sure what else to say. English… Well, Saunders is Saunders and if you got to Dar then you know what that means…





…pretty much whatever you want it to. If you like him, he’s great; if you don’t, he’s not. Whichever suits you better. And lastly, whomever the remaining teacher is clearly not so awful that the level of bad sticks out in my mind, so whatever that class is is decent.

Gah. Lucky Louie is like the best show besides the Colbert Report. And I have developed a huge man crush on Colossus. That’s right; I love a comic book character. He’s pretty much a bad ass. Anyone who can turn his skin to metal is the shizz in my book. Colossus and Stephen Colbert. Colbert is megamerican and that’s all I can say without besmirching his awesome.

Jokes Other People Don't Get

I was sitting here, innocently watching TV, when a commercial for Talladega Nights came on, which brought back memories of a time when I brought much shame onto our household. It was the part in the commercial where he says "It's like the best movie... EVER." to the French guy. He is of course refering to Highlander. I have not seen that movie. But I am familiar with it. After all, I have seen it re-enacted in 30 seconds by bunnies. So I guess I have seen it. Anyways, Ricky Bobby is talking about how great the movie is, which is funny, so I'm laughing absolutely hysterically, but I look around the theater and realize... I'm the only one laughing. In the entire theater. The packed, stadium-seating (So it's the biggest in the building) Friday night theater. Out of four hundred people, only one knew what they were talking about. I hung my head in shame and shut up.

A Very Shitty Post

I think it’s kind of funny how despite the fact that there is a Middle East cease fire starting tomorrow, the violence has actually escalated. It’s like they ordered all those bombs, and don’t want to let all those potentially left-over bombs to go to waste, so they’re having a grand finale. I suppose if this thing is actually over, there won’t be much by way of big news story for AP to cover, so if (A very big if) that were to happen, we’ll get to read about the “no liquids on planes” rule for months.

You know it’s the truth. The thing happened on Thursday, but I keep reading the same shit over and over again on the front page of the paper. You’d think there would be more significant developments than Pennsylvania auctioning off the shit they confiscate on eBay. Great, great, tell me something that actually matters to those of us who don’t want a collector’s nail file.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so lazy. Not often, just when something shitty comes on TV, like Blue Collar TV, which comes on after The Simpsons sometimes, or that Pepsi-Jazz commercial. Pepsi, you deviant Nazis, quit trying to act young and hip and shit. You guys SUCK. I hate you. I also hate the THX logo before movies, like Star Wars. Those things are like ten minutes long. Great, you helped the movie be as loud as it is. I don’t care! I just wanted to watch the movie. That’s why I turned it on. I wanted to see it. No the extended THX logo. Forget that shit.

Would You Like To See a Good Movie?

Would you like to see a really good movie? A really good horror movie?

It's called Ginger Snaps. It, along with Scream and A Nightmare on Elm Street, are easily my favorite teen horror movies EVER. Though I suppose I'll take anything these days. Really any R-rated horror movie with any redeeming qualities will make me happy. I'm not big on this watered down, PG-13 horror bullshit. This movie is absolutely DIGUSTING. All kinds of gore, which is to be expected. It's a werewolf movie. An awesome werewolf movie. Basically these two goth sisters start to drift apart after one gets mauled by a werewolf, so the other gets help from a drug dealer. I watched it at midnight on IFC last night. Pretty much here's how it went. 12: The movie starts. 2: The movie ends and I decide to go to bed. Some time after that: I'm not asleep. It was pretty intense.

It's got the chick who bites it first in Freddy Versus Jason and tthe goth guy from Final Destination 3. It's funny because in this movie SHE is the goth and HE is the druggie.

Ryan's Rendition of Ranier Maria's "Breakfast of Champions"

Fire In The Disco! Fire In The Taco Bell!

Currently Listening To: Music Is My Radar by Blur
So this terror plot they thwarted(A great word, by-the-way) in London. That's some serious spit. The news keeps saying the explosives somehow involved liquids like the British version of Gatorade, meaning that it's the same Gatorade we drink here, but served warm. Yummy!
[Which reminds me of "yummers!" from the Jomba Juice sketch from Nat Portman's SNL episode I watched again last week. I didn't realize Jomba Juice was a real place until the NY trip which was, oddly enough, at the beginning of this summer. It feels like it was years ago.]
Anyways, Gatorade as an explosive? Scary. I'd say Coke/Powerade should take this opportunity to enact the most effective marketing campaign they've ever had. Basically the ads will all be really minimalist, with a black back ground, and in small white text it says: "Powerade. No one's ever tried to take down an airliner with it." It would be viewed as extremely insensitive and there will be a huge controversy, but people will buy more Powerade. No one wants to drink the same stuff as terrorists. I mean, that's why I don't have a beard or a turban; terrorism! People don't want to be associated with evil.

Today was the least lazy day in a long time for me. I got a call around noon, after watching the news all morning(The most I've watched since the London bombings lazy summer). My sister and her friend want to visit their(And my) old elementary school, which was having its orientation today. But that required going up to the country club(Which I get to by walking) and riding the dreaded yellow school bus over there. That's seriously the most active I've been this week. Walked a third of a mile up there and a third of a mile back. With lunch, of course. What's a trip to the club without lunch?

Well, I suppose it's just a two-thirds-mile trek with no lunch to show for it, though that was kind of a rhetorical question.

Wow, my first lengthy post without use of the word fuck!

Simpsons Re-Enacted By Brits

Currently Watching: Ster Werz A New Hope
I'm pretty sure it's like a bump on some Brit TV network. Either way pretty effing cool.

CrossPost from Myspace.

Currently Listening To: Empire by Kasabian
I had a krerzy dream last night, in detail here:
This one was almost as weird as the bug one, where someone from my youth group was devoured by a very large bug while everyone (including myself) just sat there. So anyways, last night, I'm a-sleepin' and the first dream comes on. Our church youth group, a common subject in my dreams, is on another trip. I have no idea where we were, but it was in the woods. Maybe we were up at the Noog. Who knows? Anyways, so we do all kinds of outdoorsy things, and then we decide to watch a movie, and someone puts on V for Vendetta. The disc is scratched, so then I say I have a copy of the movie, but it turns out that was mine. Whatever. Wow, iTunes just opened up. Like ten years after I clicked on it. Bitches.

So anyways, we're leaving... In a Darbus... When another car turns down the drive way to wherever we're staying. I look in the car and see it's a friend from school, so I'm like, "Hey!" out an open window, which was weird because the window was on the front side of the bus and we all know windshields don't roll down unless you have a really crappy car. So I get out and talk to her, which disappointed me when I realized this was a dream because it's likely that I won't ever see her again. So anyways, it turns out she was leaving because she got kicked out, and so her mom was pissed that the Darbus was there on what was apparently her property. Oops! The bus leaves and now I'm hangin out with her and some other school friends, and then my mom shows up with all my stuff, seeing as the place is now college and we're all moving in. The place has gone from being a bunch of cabins in the woods to a college on a river in a big city. Some other weird stuff I'm kind of vague about goes on.

Things really started to get weird in the next dream, or maybe it was just a second half to this dream, I really don't know. So anyways, I'm at an old style theater seeing the remake of Shaun of the Dead, starring all the stars of the original Shaun of the Dead, but it turns out it's a remake of Resident Evil, with all the stars of Resident Evil. Hmm. So I leave and I'm at... Some place and I see my friend Abby and we're talking aboutthe movie which she is excited about. I leave and we go to the grocery store. When I say 'we' I mean, myself and like 30 kids who show up from out of nowhere. We get all the groceries and we walk home, but there's this big intersection(Which is a real intersection) and speeding cars, which are reality-otious as well. So everyone has to run across one at a time without getting hit.

We finally get to the street where my house really is, and there's a street race going on, with all these people driving old Volvo trucks that definitely look the part of European. So I'm driving one... Poorly... And I end up ramming into a line of them parked along side the river from War of the Worlds. I finish the race and all of a sudden I'm some well-known(In the dream world) superhero whose power is that he can jump really high. So I'm jumping up onto the SuperTarget which has replaced the river and jumping off again when all of a sudden I can't jump anymore. So I start climbing the building, which is really weird, becuase I'm all, "Hey, I'm not Spider Man" So I swing a web and land on top of the Target, where Aunt May's apartment is. She has a new boyfriend who doesn't like me.

And then I woke up because Clint was calling me.

The Dark Cloud of School Looms Over My Summer.

That was the angstiest title I could concieve at this point in time. Seriously, though, school. Boo. It started week before last in the northern pockets of Georgia, this past week in some metro Atlanta counties, this week in Mayretta city schools, next week in Cobb and then the twenty-first, we start. As in, this week when I saw V for Vendetta at the Fox Theater(!) there were kids mere miles away doing their first homework of the year. That is fucked up. And so now all my dreams are about school. But not in a good sense. Not a, "Wow, this is the greatest thing to ever happen to me!" dream, but then again, not a, "Wow, I'm being chased by... Something that people generally are upset when they're chased by it" dream. I don't have those. I suppose it would be cool, you know, just once, so I know I have a soul, but alas, my dreams are dashed once more. Anyways, they're dreams where when you have them, you're like, "You know, I think I would have rather had a good dream than that dream." Unsettling dreams. And theres always people in my dreams where I recognize them but deep down am well aware that they aren't real so I in fact don't know them. Like, there was a guy in my dream last night, and it was an animated inanimate object with the voice of someone I know, but the dream version of me didn't think it was weird at all. Hmm.

So anyways, fuck school. Did I spell that right? It looks weird. School. I guess it is right. Hmmm.

Master of the Universe
I just watched the SNL with Nat Portman(!) and Fall Out Boy(If there were a punctuation mark that denoted anger or mediocrity, I'd use it heyah), and I must say it is one of my favorite episodes. JAMBA JUICE. FOB sounds really weird/different sans voice enhancements. AND the fatass lead singer threw his geetar at the drummer, which I daresay was a tad rude.

Clerks 2 was phenom. I urge you to see it, but without anyone you would be uncomfortable seeing a movie with offscreen beastiality in it. I will leave it... At that.

Flickr

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.