Hey kids, it's conspiracy theory time!

Remember that episode of the Simpsons(Treehouse of Horror 7: Citizen Kang) where Homer discovers that the presidential candidates have been replaced by Kang and that other alien, and that regardless of whom you vote for, the world would still be enslaved? No? Well, that's too damn bad. But anyways, what if John Kerry and George Bush are the same person? Some evil millionaire probably created the two characters, their likenesses and their backgrounds and entered the two fakes into the election. That way, when you vote for Bush, you're also voting for Kerry and therefore contributing to the downfall of human civilization. That's right- a vote for Bush or Kerry is a vote for enslavement of humanity at the hands of an evil millionaire. My conclusion? Vote for Nader. Or write in a new candidate (if possible). Hu Flung Pu for prez in 2k4!


Yes, that was lifted from Conan. So sue me. No, don't. I haven't got much money to begin with. But I can give you Ramen noodles. Who doesn't love Ramen noodles? Homeless people, college students and homeless college students everywhere LOVE Ramen noodles. And so do I, despite not falling into any of those categories.