Day Of WHO GIVES A RAT'S ASS

I don't get what the big deal with gay people is. I don't care whether or not someone likes chicks or guys or both or neither. I really couldn't care less. And I don't think anyone else should either. I also think gay people shouldn't run around flaunting the fact that hey, they like the bufu. Again, I really don't care. So let's drop it. Let them get married so they can see how much it sucks to be tied down to one person. Now I am going to make fun of some online articles:

Everglades holdout agrees to deal: Look at that man's house. Then look at the ammount of cash he 'settled' for. And then laugh.

Children 'buried alive' in India: They probably deserved to stay buried. I mean, they were babies, and babies cry a lot, so I can't blame those guys for burying them.

71-Year-Old Man Hurt In Bingo Brawl: I wish I had been there. I bet it was great.

SAT scores: 2400 is the new 1600: No. Way. I mean, it would only take basic math to figure that out, you assholes.

Student claims he was suspended for wearing makeup: I know what you're thinking, "Again with the gay people." But it's not. It's more like, Student Suspended For Being An Attention Whore.

Mariah Carey: 'I feel like that's over': No, you're still crazy, 'Mimi'.

Opinions conflict on why flu strain sent: I don't care because I cannot be killed by conventional methods, including disease. And God favors those who listen to Weird Al and, my favorite genre, 'not emo'. You guys should give it a try.

Lowfat diets might deprive kids vitamins: So be a fatty.

Man dies in hot-air balloon crash: God's punishment for shitty anniversary gifts.

Stranded dolphins get round-the-clock care: Why do we bother? What have dolphins ever done for you?

Really Cool Kid Makes Decent Update: Readers say all entry lacks is cowbell.