My Opinions On The Terri Schiavo Case

Regardless of the outcome of this, I really don't care. I will still wake up tomorrow; I will still go to school and come home and watch Zoolander and restart the cycle. The Schiavo case will in no way alter my day-to-day life. It may affect me in forty years with my parents, or possible with my hypothetical wife or with my siblings, but I really don't give a shit about the future so I do not care. If you think I sound heartless, I still don't care.


And Frosted Flakes on top of vanilla ice cream is heavenly.

CD Cover
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.

If I had an emo/lame-o band, this would be our band name and this would be our first album's cover.

Talk About Shitty Luck

CNN.com - Official: 50 dead on island after quake - Mar 28, 2005

Imagine surviving the first earthquake/tsunami, then being killed by another.

L00k, i can be teh rich kid 2!!!1!!

iPod Mini
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.

I got an iPod MINI for Easter. Not a 1974 AMC Gremlin, but hell, it sure beats an Easter basket full of dog shit.


When I'm a parent, I'm SO gonna do that to one of my kids. That would be friggin' awesome.

Oooh, Fancy!

Loveseat
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.

I would call this my second bed, but a more accurate name would be "My Main Bed".

Currently Watching... Not The South Park Movie

The title would have had something to do with Wal-Mart, but that's a tad bit too cliche for me. But anyways, on to the bitching.

Last weekend, my brother got his driver license after 6 months of bitching. Because of this, he has been driving everywhere. Yesterday he asked me if I had a reason to go anywhere, and I was like, "Sure, let's go to Wal-Mart." So I was browsing the shitty selection when I thought, "Gee, the selection here is really shitty." I spent a while deciding what movie to buy. They had 27 billion copies of The Incredibles and an assload of Blue Collar Not-Very-Funny-Movie. That was about it. Then I saw a copy of the South Park movie. W00tz0rz, right? WRONG. I took it to the check out and the lady rang it up. Then this little buzzer goes off and the lady asks me for ID. So I pulled out my scimitar and sliced off her legs and teleported out of the building as the guards opened fire.*

The thing that irks me is that Blockbuster, Target and up until last December, Wal-Mart would have let me buy an R-rated movie no questions asked. I buy Unrated movies from Blockbuster all the time, and Wal-Mart sold me a copy of The Faculty in December, but not any more. I'd buy South Park at Blockbustizzle, but they don't have it. My theory is that if I had been buying The Passion on DVD, The Christian Reich would have let me buy an R-rated movie, but since I was buying the sinful South Park movie, the movie would corrupt me. I find it unfair that Wal-Mart has the right to shut every other business in town down, and thne enforce their beliefs on me. If I wanted to live like a conservative redneck in Arkansas, I'd move to Arkansas. My mom, brother and I watch South Park every Wednesday and my parents would obviously not care if I bought the movie, so why is it Wal-Mart's business to parent me? Even if my parents didn't want me watching it, it's still none of their business. They also shouldn't be able to decide what clothes we wear, what music we listen to, et cetra, which is what they're doing here. They've closed down prettym uch any business smaller than them that is competition by selling lower quality products for 13 cents less. I want a reason to sue those motherfuckers. And I hope someone systematically burns down all of their stores. Every last one. You're not helping employment in the area if you put other people out of business and hire illegal immigrants for cheaper. Hmmmm, I predict a riot.

Illegal Downloading Can Be Fun!

It's taught me many, many things:

1. The internet is for porn
2. Any female "rocker" is AUTOMATICALLY Gren Strefani
3. You CANNOT downloading any popular music. It is all corrupt. That is why people listen to that "Indie" shit. they're not signed for a reason, asshole.
4. Russian women love to make lesbian pron(yes, pron) films to be distibuted for free on the internet
5. It sucks to be you
   
6. Every song has at least one cover of it online. And at least two are garunteed to suck, even if there is only one cover. I don't really understand how that works, but it does.
7. Emo kids listen to shit, and many are pozizzles.
8. Everyone is a little bit racist

And here is my rational for illegal downloading. I've bought plenty of shitty songs on iTunes that I never listen to, so I'm just making up for it by downloading 10 songs I might like for each shitty one I've bought.

I Am Such A Fucking Nerd

All your Base Are Belong to Homestar

What The Pho?

What The Pho
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.

Shut the pho up.

I've Changed My Mind

St. Patrick's Day is the worst holiday ever. Another holiday ony those old enough to drink can enjoy. So basically, it's New Years, but you have to wear green or morons will pinch you. Then there's the ever-creative "But I Am Wearing Green!" act, where they show that they have written "Green" in green ink on their hand or they claim to be wearing green underwear. Personally, being very, very Irish (My dad is 100% Irish and my mom is at least partly Irish) should make me exempt. But I only say that because the Closet Fairy lifted my green Polo shirt. I'll catch him yet.


My List Of Crappy Holidays/Holidays That Do Not Constitute A Day Off:

1. New Year's
2. Valentine's Day
3. St. Patrick's Day
4. April Fool's Day
5. My Sister's Birthday
6. Columbus Day (Why not Viking day? Or ninja day? Or some other Spaniard day?)
7. Bus Driver Appreciation Week (I would saw off my own leg and then saw off the other before I appreciate those loons and pedophiles. Except Henry, he's cool. And not a pedophile.)

Currently Listening To "I Predict A Riot" by Kaiser Cheifs

So kids today think they're hardcore if they can tell a joke and make milk squirt out someone's nose. I won't be impressed until someone makes another kid squirt milk out his nose -- and the kid wasn't drinking milk in the first place. That'd be hardcore.

Peterson sentenced to death for wife's slaying

And doesn't seem to give a fuck. Hey, who can complain when you get a roof and food provided for you for the next 20 years while on death row? It's a suprise more people aren't murderers with that kind of security, especially with the whole social security probalo.

"Here's Your SOME Fish Sticks"

So today is Saturday(or maybe Sunday), which makes yesterday Friday. And since we already had Mardi Gras, but not Easter, that means it is lent. Which means us CARZY CATHOLICS and... ECENTRIC (I guess) EPISCOPALIANS (We love gay people. They're GREAT) cannot eat meat on Fridays. And despite the fact that I attend a Christian school, the Catholics and Episco-fucking-palians are severly discriminated against; those damn heathens refuse to serve non-meat shit at lunch. But this past Friday, they actually served fish. So I was all, "Hey, can I have some fish sticks, please?" And the guy was like, "Some fish sticks? Here's your some fish sticks," and he threw one on the plate. That bastard. So I went to the table and told my peers about the cocksucking mother fucker who was so rude to me (even though I didn't really care), and we decided to do an experiment. First, we sent up a hoss/bigun' to ask for some fishsticks. He returned with one. Then we sent a girl, who returned with one. Then a scrawny little boy named after a Muppet(You know who you are, GROVER) and then a vegetarian. They all returned with one each. We concluded that I ate all the numerous fish sticks borught back, therefore beating the Man. We also concluded that Butch the lunchman is a bitch. You know, Butch-bitch. Yeah.

So today/yesterday(Saturday), the family and I went to see Robots. It was TERRIBLE. Two words: communist propoganda. And I am not even shitting you. The movie was all about defeating capitalism and shit. You know, for the good of the common man? So I must now battle the commies and prevent them from brainwashing children. It is also worth noting that everyone in the theater was high. They would laugh hysterically at the lamest jokes. That or the brainwashing had given them a labatomy. There was this one guy I was tempted to murder because he was laughing so loud and clapping and shit. My sister was sad because she slept through, but I was glad because I knew that at least one person in my family will not become a commie.



"Negative, I am a meat popsicle."-Bruce Willis, The Fifth Element

Micheal Jackson Is One Sick F**ker

I almost threw up after reading less than half of this(^) article. DISGUSTING.

So Today...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Limozeen
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.

CNN.com - Convicted hit man executed in Texas - Mar 8, 2005

How the hell is he a hitman? Hitmen are supposed to look cool, like Jason Statham or Bruce Willis or something. This guy looks like he spent the past twenty years staying up all night praying not to be sodomized or bashed in the face with a lead pipe. He says "I made a lot of mistakes in my life." Like not being a cool looking hitman? And since when do hitmen get caught? They either escape (and maybe "change their ways") or die trying. But not this guy. He was like, I may be sodomized in the morgue if I die or sodomzed by homeless people and fugitives if I escape and change my ways, so I'll surrender and go to jail. How can we as children be expected to grow up to be awesome if we do not have good (cool) role models? And who the fuck rapes and tortures women? Like that "BTK" pussy. Who gave him the impression he could give himself a nickname? That's the point of a nickname- you earn it. I hate criminals. None are cool any more.

Gonna Get A Breadtangle Of Pizza

But when I say "breadtangle of pizza", I really mean a couch for my bedroom. And when I say "couch", I really mean a super cheap used couch. And when I say "super cheap used couch", I mean a super cheap used couch without any peestains, because that would be disgrosting.


Of course no one reads this anyways, so I can go ahead and admit (proudly) that...


I listen to a-ha. Oh man they are so awesome.

Why Do Goths Like The Nightmare Before Christmas So Much?

I thought it sucked when I was 3, and almost twelve years later, I still do.

I Talked My Mother Out Of Buying An iPod shuffle...

Not realizing it was intended for me. I told her it was too small, and it would be lost or broken. Whoops

Meet Casey

Casey
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.

This is my girlfriend Casey.


Sadly, I don't actually have an accoustic guitar. I don't have a guitar at all. I found the case in the middle of the road on New Years. But someday I hope to have some bumperstickers to tack on 'er.

Dangerous, Deadly Criminal Released From Jail

I've decided to make a petition to get this vicious criminal back behind bars- for good. We must take action before she strikes again. At least she's on house arrest.

I do not know whether to laugh or feel bad.

CNN.com - Chimps critically injure sanctuary visitor - Mar 4, 2005

It's like the Jurassic Park of monkeys. Never trusted monkeys. Never will.

An Artist At Work

Clickies.

Clive Dangerously's Wacky Investigative Journalism Adventure

A few years back, the high school I would be going to right now was declared the drug capital of my county. Of course, I needed to see this for myself. Here are the transcripts of a few scenes from my day:

(outside of locker room)
Clive: So are you on the football team?
"Bobby":Uh, ye-, uh, yes, yes sir, I am.
CD: Is that real football or American Football?
"B": FOOTBALL FOOTBALL
CD: No kidding. I hear your school is the drug capital of ****** County. Care to shed light on the subject?
"B":Duh, Coach give me heroin buhfo' games and I take a wacky tabaccy wiff [star cheerleader] dern lunch.
CD: Impress-
"B": I touch her boobies one time, huh huh.
CD: Wow.

(outside a classroom, bell rings and students walk out)
CD: Well, you look like a fine, upstanding student.
Nerd: Yes, I'm president of the chess, math, science and Latin clubs.
CD: What are your views on the drug problem here?
N:Oh, it's great. Our Honor Society meetings were a bore until we were introduced to coke. Now everyone tries to get good grades so the bouncer will let them in. One time a meeting went to 4 in the morning.
CD: This is frigthening.
N: No, it was great. Me and the President of the Glee Club-
CD: "Me and the president of the Glee Club"?
N: Hey, you can shove it ASSHOLE.
(Clive whomps Nerd with mind powers)

(In hallway)
CD: And what is your role in the drug trade?
Dealer: Hehe, I'm your source for the finest herb in the state. If you're low, come to me and I'll get you high as a kite.
CD: Is there a lot of competition?
Dealer: Don't tell anyone, but all of my "competition" are actually employed by me. So everyone trying to fight "The Man" is still supporting me.
CD: Now I notice you're a bit older looking than the rest of the students. What're you, a seventh year Senior?
Dealer: Nah, I'm the principal. PriciPAL, as in, I'm your bud who'll get ya some high quality buds.
CD: Nice.


So those were the highlights. Next week, investigation of ******* Elementary School, drunken sex capital of the South Eastern United States.

Modified Lawnmower Takes Flight

Turn off your speakers and click above.

1. Not A Bad Idea
2. TechTV Guys Caught Looking At Pron
3. Feel Free To Stand Up And Dance Along (When I find the original, I'll post it. This song is supposedly a chart-topper in Europe. I pray to God it isn't.)
4. Redneck Roller Coaster
   

Stop! One At A Time!

CNN.com - Security door blocks portly police - Mar 3, 2005

Clive Answers Fan Mail

Dear Clive,
how did you get to be so awesome and/or cool?
Denise... Jones

Well Denise, I was born this awesome and/or cool, but I did not fully realize/harness these abilities until my 13th birthday in 2003. I've been battling pirates, ninjas and mor(m)ons ever since.

Dear Clive,
When are these child support checks going to start pouring in?
Cindy McCindy

You mean you weren't on th- I HAVE NEVER MET YOU. I AM UNAWARE OF WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.

Dear Clive,
Do you sleep better at night knowing you kicked some commie ass during the course of the day?
A really hot babe

No, I don't sleep. At night I go and kick some Nazi ass, just to balance it all out. You know, keep the left wing extremist to right wing extremist ratio regular.


Well that's it for now. Keep your moroni- I mean, brilliant questions flowing.

Action Hero's Handbook

Action Hero's Handbook
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.

In my line of work, skills like how to catch a great white shark, how to administer a Vulcan Death Pinch, etc, come in quite handy. This book is an essential for the Really Cool Guy in your life. $14.95 US

SAVE TOBY

Welcome
And be sure to look all around that website. That man is an entrepreneur and my hero.

When you are done, read this link

CNN.com - Divorce bid cites 'smelly husband' - Mar 2, 2005

As a husband, he stinks.

Good, He Didn't Deserve Her

After Full House, Stamos didn't deserve ANY woman, especially not someone as hot a Rebecca Romijn.

1y|<, 0/\/\f9!

Road Squadron

Ha-ha!

CNN.com - Faulty fuel gauge may foil flight - Mar 2, 2005


The guy just wants attention. He noticed the Trump, a man with failing casinos and businesses, was being hailed as a billionaire, yet he, a man probably much more successful, wasn't a household name. That's what you get, attention whore.

The Face Of Determination(Click? Click!)

"I wonder if he still wants to come over to 'play'?" ponders Jackson.

Wall Clock'd

Wall Clock'd
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.

Su nombre es Oskar.

He will remain on my Kill Bill poster until further notice/I locate a thumbtack.

ninja
Originally uploaded by CliveDangerously.

I Found Something To Complain Aboot

There is an on-and-off buzzing in my ear. I would approve if it ceased.

I Wonder...

CNN.com - Mel Gibson buys Fiji island - Mar 1, 2005

Will Gibson use this island to market off of Christianity as well?

Director Wants More Cash For Mediocre Movie Series

If I were the judge, I'd think the same at the end of the case as I did at the end f each of those movies:there go a few hours I'll never get back.

Click This

How About... No

News


This means HBO, Pay-per-vew and others would have to follow the same rules as the other channels. Porn is pay-per-view. Porn would be no more. Sorry, guys, it's been fun, but all good things must come to an end.


And if I see another mention of the 'controversial' Howard Stern I'm going to snap. That show is the dumbest thing I have every sat through. "Can I touch your breasts?"
"Duh, sure, why... not?"

Study suggests obesity is rampant in NFL

No FUCKIN' way.

'Star Wars' Trailer To Premiere On 'O.C.' -- Why?

Okay, so teenage girls watch that show, right? Therefore the general audience won't really give a shit about Star Wars. I know, I know, they're just trying to get additional viewers, but this is as smart as making a Mary Kate and Ashley video game.


Wait.

What Ever Happened To Smart Criminals?

local6.com - News - Man Charged With Child Porn After Taking Computer For Repairs


The gene pool needs some more bleach. A lot more.

And the Award for Disproving Evolution goes to...

These dumbasses.

At any other time I might find the thought of a kid falling through a gap and being hit by a car funny.