New Summer Tradition

Currently Listening To: Who's Gonna Save Us by the Living End
Not unlike last summer, and in some ways very much like last summer, I have wasted many hours playing GOLDENEYE64 with all sorts of cheat modes. My favorite is the one where I have two RCP90, unlimited bullets and Russian soldiers who couldn't hit the broadside of a barn. The RCP90 can shoot 80 bullets before you have to reload, which lasts maybe fifteen seconds. It can also fire through some doors. Oh, what a gun. If only it were real.

Unlike last summer, and in some ways not at all like last summer, I haven't whipped out a bitchin' on here lately. I complained a lot last year. My personal favorite is the one about wimpy hurricane names. It's a shame that angered the gods and was responsible for killing more than a thousand and displacing millions. Ooops. Also the conspiracy theories, like the one where I said Pepsi is for Nazis, or hwere I said that Scions were made by a covert organization hoping to wipe out the Jews.

If I had an RCP90, I would shoot every phone in our house. Six people in a house means a lot of people for people to want to call. Namely [Hold on, the phone is ringing] my sisters' friends. For fuck's sake, they have cell phones, call them on THEIR phones, you fucking dumbass bitches! Whew. Now that THAT is out of my syst... Wait, FAT WHORES. Now it is out of my system. Anyways, sister friends calling, people of all shapes and sizes who feel the need to "Just check in" and "courtesy calls", which is the new name for telemarketing calls, combined with two children who are seemingly unable to answer the phone and a phone next to the couch have driven me to the brink of being whatever there is past insanity. I'd say I'm insane because of the numerous times when I have had a dream where I got up and went through my morning routine, and then really woke up and had thought that I had already done that, which is, by definition, insanity. I hate land line phones, and will certainly not own one when I am a homeowner. But I will own a letteropener. Hours of fun and many uses. Obviously they open letters, but the also open packages, and act as small daggers perfect for knife fighting on the old bridge. I'm sure they'd also do well at carving out the chip the secret government organization implanted into the back of your shoulder to control your mind.


Adios, turd nuggets.