Currently Weeping To: On Call by Kings of Leon... This song seriously makes me cry
And on a more testosterone-laden note, Lindsay Lohan was arrested today, a block from a police office, for possesion of cocaine and being well over the legal limit of alcohol. Good for her! The mugshot is attractive, as well.
This, of course, asks once more of what to do with these troubled young celebrities. My immediate reaction was execution, but my suggesting we feed Paris, Lohan, Vick and others to tigers would likely hinder my chances of getting a nomination in the 2028 presidential election, which would in turn hinder my chances of ever conquering the world (I'd only keep all of it for a while; I'd turn it back over to its rightful owners soon thereafter, keeping for myself a slice of land in the Benelux region... I'd want a little bit of beach territory, to be heavily guarded at all times so it's just me and not geezers, babies and garbage, and then some valley-type stuff). SO. I, of course, would need an alternate solution; this solution is to exile any celebrity that goes past the "night in the slammer" line. They'd be shipped off to an island/very deep/wide pit in the desert and left to their devices...
Along with some heavy-duty combat weaponry. Like I said, left to their devices; whatever happens, happens. Nicole Richie would have to wait until her baby was born, and then she (Nicole, not the baby, you douche) would be tossed in with the rest. The baby would get the Harry Potter treatment, except unlike Harry, it would never, ever find out the truth. Or instead of raised by common folk, it could be raised by that guy from Storm of the Century. EVIL BABY.
We could put cameras in the pit and it could be a reality show. There's nothing more real than celebrities fighting to the death in a pit in the desert.
Maybe the island could be the island from Jurassic Park. TWICE as entertaining. Except those crackwhores wouldn't be too filling for the dinos, which would subsequently starve. Maybe Mike Vick could get the dinos to fight (though I'd like to see him try to kill the loser).
VOLDEMORT KILLS HARRY, MARRIES GINNY, DRACO MARRIES HERMIONE, RON KNOCKS UP THE ALBINO CHICK, THE ASIAN CHICK BECOMES MINISTER OF MAGIC, DUMBLEDORE WAS A PEACY P ABUSING CHILDMOLESTOR, SNAPE WAS GAY FOR MOLEMAN
Except for the fact that no one is gay for Moleman
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5 comments:
I love your spoilers, Ryan. I laughed for a good amount of time and then left them on Jamie's voice mail. She called me back and bitched at me for ruining the book for her. ^^
That chick HATES me.
I've been trying to avoid spoilers like the plague the last few weeks. If any of what you said is true, I might, too, do my share of bitching.
As for your whole gladiator-celebrity-crack-whore thing... It'd be tight. Though I think there would need to be a refurbished war cry...
"We who have done way to many drugs to be coherent and are about to die relatively understandable deaths salute you!"
Yeah. I like the ring to it.
And Lindsay's mug shot made me throw up a little bit in my mouth. Ew.
I was going to deny the that she hates you, then I remembered the phone call I received from you telling me about her rant about how much she hates you so yeah...
No skin off my back; it's not as if I was hoping to be in her top eight or something. I'll just avoid her next year, and then there won't be trouble. How hard can it be to avoid someone who's ten feet tall and could probably pick up a car?
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