Spider Pig Is Not Funny

Currently Listening To: Blue Monday by Orgy
I saw the Simpsons movie on Saturday; it was really good, especially when compared to all the episodes from this past season that pop up on TiVo every week. They're pretty grim. But the movie? Not at all, and I do feel qualified to say that, because I've been watching it for at least ten years.

I do feel the need to complain about one thing... Spider Pig. It wasn't all that funny in the commercials. I mean, yeah, it's a pig. He's holding it on the ceiling. So? But I figured, like all unfunny-and-played-to-death scenes in movie trailers, it would go unnoticed in the movie. Well, not unnoticed; those things always get a laugh of two.

But then the pig came on screen for the first time. A girl behind me (who had to have seen it already, because she knew half the lines) started to sing Spider Pig, and a little kid in front of me (I don't know why parents don't seem to get "PG-13"... It's pretty simple) shouted Spider Pig. Then, later on, the actual Spider Pig scene came on, and people went nuts. Why? It's not funny. It really isn't. No one laughed at "Pres. Schwarzenegger", no one laughed at the EPA thing, no one laughed at the surprise celebrity cameo at the end (which I was unaware of until I read that it was a surprise cameo on Wikipedia the next day). So many jokes went straight over people's heads. I know it sounds elitist of me, but for God's sake, it's The Simpsons. It's not exactly high-brow.

I've got two suggestions that could end this dilemma from occurring again. First, no more children in movie theaters. Build little daycare centers in the lobby or something. Kids aren't the only people who talk in movies, but I suppose people would just lie if you asked them before they go in if they're talkers. I suppose people who raise talkers are talkers themselves, so maybe they'd stop coming as well.

Second, I think movie trailers shouldn't include scenes from the movie. They should film some additional stuff that gets the point across without telling you everything. I mean, there isn't much suspense in a movie if you've can say "We haven't gotten to such-and-such scene, so they're going to make it through this". It's kind of the opposite of Scream, where you thought Drew Barrymore was the main character, but she wasn't. If filming new material is too expensive, they could just show the first few minutes, like Dawn of the Dead did. That way, nothing's spoiled, and they didn't have to spend any money.

I love Dawn of the Dead. I wish I could watch it RIGHT NOW. But, I lost the DVD of it, along with all of my other favorite movies. I had them all in a little CD case, which has since gone missing. Dawn of the Dead, Saved, Clerks 2, Fifth Element... All missing. Probably some others as well, I just haven't noticed yet.

"Frustration, frustration; I hate this vacation."